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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

v upset toddler being dropped at creche and dont know minders in room

13 replies

alwaysblue · 01/12/2011 09:32

quick one 'cos im at work.

20month ds goes to crech wed-fri. he is always upset when i drop him off , even tho hes been going there for a year.
there are supposed to be two key workers in the room and a few floaters are often there. yesterday and today when i dropped him off there were two women i didnt know there and ds was very very upset
i know there are staff constraints but aibu to expect people ds knows, and i know, to be there in teh mornings? i dont feel comforatable leaving him with peopel i dont know but dont want to be pfb either

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 01/12/2011 09:34

are you paying for this creche?

porcamiseria · 01/12/2011 09:34

as if yes, kick off!!!!!

slavetofilofax · 01/12/2011 09:36

I understand how you feel, but there's not much you can do about it.

The usual workers could be ill, or on a training course, or be on annual leave. When you pay a creche, you are paying for the knowledge that the workers are trained and checked, and as long as they have been, you can't complain. They do not have to make sure the same people are there every day.

If he's always upset and you are not comfortable with workers changing, it might be worth looking into a nanny share or childminder.

TroublesomeEx · 01/12/2011 09:37

He should have a named keyworker surely? He needs to know who his 'person' is.

Bless him, it must have been tough for both of you.

niceguy2 · 01/12/2011 09:38

That's all part & parcel of using a nursery. If you want consistent care then use a nanny/childminder. The downside to that is if your CM is ill then you have to take time off too.

Swings & roundabouts isnt it.

At 20 months, he'll get over it. In fact he probably forgot about 2 mins after you left him. A little bit PFB I'm afraid.

SomekindofSpanish · 01/12/2011 09:41

I had a smilar situation when DS1 (now 10 ) was at private nursery. Took him into the room, did not recognise any of the workers, who were very young (trainees I think) and were standing around chatting, instead of interacting with the children there. So, I nodded 'hello', went out with DS1 and found the managers and told them I did not know the workers so I was leaving him with them. They seemed ok with that, although they were probably thinking 'PFB behaviour', which it was .

Could you call the manager whilst at work to see if DS has settled and maybe get some reassurance?

cjbk1 · 01/12/2011 10:38

Key workers?

Original poster

alwaysblue · 01/12/2011 10:51

niceguy - i know he will have forgotten it all quickly, but he was very distressed and was climbing all over me cos he didnt want me to go. plus, i couldnt afford a nanny or childminder actually.

he does have a key worker, and there is another lady who i know he is close to. and like i said i know there are staff constraints. but who would really feel comfotrable leaving their screaming baby with people they dont know. my point is i just dont know if i can say something to the creche. i dont want them to think i am bu as i am generally v happy with their care.

also, if he is still upset after a year, do you think they/I should be looking into doing something more about it ? or is there nothing to be done?

OP posts:

MsGee · 01/12/2011 10:58

We had this with my DD (3.5) about a year ago and I spoke to the manager. I didn't go in guns blazing - I just explained that given she was going through a stage of being upset when left could we work out a way of ensuring that she felt comfortable and there was a familiar face when I dropped her off.

We did a bit of compromise - I would essentially check every day who was in the next morning and 'prepare' DD for it (i.e. its not your key worker but its xx and you remember them etc). If I knew that there was training or some other reason why no-one she knew would be there, I'd sometimes drop her in ten minutes later when there would be more staff. The nursery also recognised that they were understaffed at drop off time and made sure that more people were around.

However, my DD nursery are very accommodating to her ways and understand that her attachments to key workers are the most important thing to her. We work together and I see the relationship with the nursery as a partnership (I do a lot for them too in terms of writing letters and emails which they use as evidence for OFSTED - just recognising good practice when I see it).

(and I don't really care if this is PFB, she is my only and I will be a precious as I like )

MsGee · 01/12/2011 11:00

oh x posted. If he is happy during the day I would leave him. My DD took nearly two years to stop crying in the morning (not every day) and it still happens occasionally. She wasn't unhappy in the nursery, just the point of separation from me. Talk to the nursery though - they might have ideas. DD key workers would give her special jobs to do, now they make sure that she has her BFF to sit next to every day.

Piggyleroux · 01/12/2011 11:08

He's been upset for a year? Really? You should have changed your childcare provider long before now.

You are totally right to not feel comfortable about this, you are simply being a good mum. Not at all pfb like Niceguy puts it. For fucks sake, we are hardwired to be protective towards out children and it sounds like you are.

Original poster

alwaysblue · 01/12/2011 11:12

piggy - he started in the creche a year ago and would always give a little cry when i left, but in August he moved to another room and since then hes been really upset.

maybe ill just talk to them and voice my concerns over him being so upset and seeing is there anything we can do

OP posts:

MsGee · 01/12/2011 11:16

Always - this was the case with my DD and we ended up moving her up to the next room a bit quicker - worked well and she is very happy in the new room.

I don't think that changing childcare providers is always the way unless you have concerns about the actual care. I know that my DD would be the same in any setting (and I did change once because I didn't like the standard of care or constant change of key workers).

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