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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to not visit my SIL is hospital after spinal surgery?

28 replies

HarderToKidnap · 30/11/2011 13:28

My SIL (DHs sis) had intense spinal surgery yesterday, 7 hours in theatre. This is for an ongoing condition and will necessitate a 7 week ish minimum recovery time, in a back cast. She has very mild LDs and absolutely adores me. She is 32. She is in a specialist spinal unit about 90mins drive away round the North Circular. Her mum, dad, cousin, and boyfriend are by her bed more or less constantly so she is not short of visitors.

I am 38 weeks pg with first baby. Have had a great pregnancy and overall feel fab. I am supposed to be leaving at three to drive over to see her, my DH is meeting me there after work. Had a show yesterday and today, have been niggling and cramping and tightening all day. I am absolutely exhausted, haven't slept well for weeks as am up every hour or so for a wee and I have a dribble problem whilst pregnant Blush which means that inbetween wees I suddenly startle awake with a sopping wet pillow and face! Anyway, I'm tired, crampy and I just don't want to go. I want to curl up at home, I don't to drive round the miserable North Circ on my own and sit in traffic.

Can I get away with waiting until Friday and if I feel better visiting then? Its just I know she is so looking forward to seeing me, also her stepmum is visiting today specifically because I am and her stepmum can feel a little awkward amongst the wider family group. My DH would still go today, I think, although I am not sure how he would get back.

You have until 3pm to cast your votes.

OP posts:
YesMaam · 30/11/2011 13:30

I would absolutely not go in your position. Can you speak on the phone instead?

Tianc · 30/11/2011 13:30

Any chance you can Skype her in hospital?

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 13:30

I wouldnt go. She will understand, and its not as if she is on her own if you dont go.

youtalkintome · 30/11/2011 13:31

YANBU i'm 40 weeks tomorrow, I don't want to drive anywhere, i'm so uncomfortable. Could some one take you?

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 30/11/2011 13:32

Don't go. My predicytion is you'll have a new baby by Friday to show her anyway.

exexpat · 30/11/2011 13:32

Shows and cramps? Sounds to me like you could go into labour any time, so no, I wouldn't drive myself on a three-hour round trip, specially while tired (recipe for an accident). It's a shame for your SiL, but I'm sure she'll understand.

Everlong · 30/11/2011 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PicaK · 30/11/2011 13:33

No don't go. Go see midwife to be sure you are ok.

valiumredhead · 30/11/2011 13:35

I wouldn't go - but I would send her something nice :)

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 30/11/2011 13:36

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure she would understand, her LDs make it hard for her to see the position of others. Also her family are so very protective of her that it makes them a bit blind and not very understanding when it comes to her - i.e. letting her down or making her feel sad is the biggest crime you can commit. Unless a baby is actually emerging from my fanjo they would probably consider that I should suck it up and come and would be hurt/upset if I didn't. I do love them all very much and they love me but this would cause bad feeling I think which I really don't want at the moment.

Also a huge part of me thinks I have had such a great pregnancy, OK I am a bit tired and crampy but whatever, it's not like I am being asked to do a cross country run, just being asked to drive for a bit and see family.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 30/11/2011 13:36

YANBU

Yes, a phone call saying you'll see her in a couple of days is fine. She may prefer that as well, she's just had an op and seems to have quite enough visitors to cope with at the moment. Probably very tired herself.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 30/11/2011 13:36

Interesting....

Last week a woman in the same position was told she should travel 3 hours to go to the funeral of her DH's step-grandmother.

Not saying I think you should go if you don't feel up to it but there are such double standards on here sometimes.

chrimblycompo · 30/11/2011 13:37

if you've had a show shouldn't you get checked out
or is that waters breaking

I had a show at 6pm, baby arrived 12 hours later

valiumredhead · 30/11/2011 13:38

Last week a woman in the same position was told she should travel 3 hours to go to the funeral of her DH's step-grandmother

She'd had a show and was crampy, and was told she should drive 3 hrs? Seriously?

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 13:46

Can you imagine how pissed off the ambulance crew who have to come and get you from the side of the road will be, if you suddenly go into labour while driving!

Seriously, don't do it and your ILs will have to understand. Call them and tell them as soon as you can and put it like "Good news, we think baby is on its way - how exciting!" Noone is going to argue with that. You do sound like you are in 1st stage labour so you absolutely aren't fibbing. Good Luck! Get comfy!

lashingsofbingeinghere · 30/11/2011 13:48

YANBU

If your labour starts whilst you are driving you will be in difficulties!

I would send apologies and then maybe offer to visit with the new baby towards the end of her 7 week hospital stay, if you feel up to it.

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 30/11/2011 13:49

You are right Art, and I will also have my little dog with me so what would happen to him if I had to be picked up from the side of the road!! But it's just so unlikely isn't it? I will feel like a right dick if I said that to them and it turned out nothing happened.

OK, ringing my MIL now.

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 13:56

Trust me, something will happen Grin

It might just be in 25 hours rather than 5. No going back now.

SnapesMistress · 30/11/2011 14:01

Be strong OP, all will be forgiven when you visit with a tiny baby. :)

MuddlingThroughItAll · 30/11/2011 14:04

I would say that although you can't see her this week, you'll be able to see her very soon, hopefully with your gorgeous new DC :)

Original poster
HarderToKidnap · 30/11/2011 14:05

That was a massive mountain/molehill situation. They were all totally fine and lovely and told me in no uncertain terms not to even think about coming and that I was to stay at home. Then they started panicking and wanting me to go to hospital (!) so told them to shut up and we are all friends.

Off for a nap. Thanks everyone!!

OP posts:
AvadaKedavra · 30/11/2011 14:08

valiumredhead Wed 30-Nov-11 13:38:35

Last week a woman in the same position was told she should travel 3 hours to go to the funeral of her DH's step-grandmother

She'd had a show and was crampy, and was told she should drive 3 hrs? Seriously?

No the OP in that case hadn't had a show or started cramping/twinges.

Good luck hardertoKidnap, doesn't sound like you'll be long to wait now Grin

biddysmama · 30/11/2011 14:09

id speak to the il's and tell them you've spoken to a midwife about some cramps you've been having and she said it could be the start of labour and you should rest just in case.... they cant argue with that can they?

GertieGooseBoots · 30/11/2011 14:15

valiumredhead Wed 30-Nov-11 13:38:35

Last week a woman in the same position was told she should travel 3 hours to go to the funeral of her DH's step-grandmother

She'd had a show and was crampy, and was told she should drive 3 hrs? Seriously?

__

And IIRC, she was actually told she should let her DH drive 3 hours, and not prevent him going as she was 37/38 weeks preg. I don't think the consensus was she should go if she didn't want to. And the DH was going to be support for the DSis who was v close to the step-grandmother.

As you were...

TroublesomeEx · 30/11/2011 15:08

OP, I wouldn't go if I were you.