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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be getting a bit cheesed off with ds' friend's parents....

23 replies

shesparkles · 30/11/2011 11:53

who are very happy to punt their son along to play at our house but won't let the boys play at theirs?

Not much background, other than both boys are 9, we live a few doors apart, the houses are identical design and my ds and his friend both have an older sibling.
The friend is always on our doorstep to play with ds, which I don't have an issue with, but what I'm getting really cheesed off with is him calling for ds, and if they go back to the pal's house, they're back at mine within 5 minutes as they're "not allowed in" at the friend's house.
Very nice for the other parents (the pal is a bit high maintenance but not horrendous) who get a few hours peace while their son's off their hands, but it means that I'm the one who constantly has the noise, the mess, the snacking etc.
Schools are off, I work shifts and finished work at 2am this morning and was up again at 7.
The friend's mum works part time during the day, and the dad works offshore so is away for a month, and home for a month....dad's home today while mum's working.
The pal called for ds, so I said ok, but you need to go play at his house...2 minutes later, they're back saying they're not allowed in at his house, because his dad's getting dress-WTF????

AIBU to be getting really cheesed off with the parents?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2011 11:55

YABU really because they're not asking for him to come into your house, or are they?

LoveHandles88 · 30/11/2011 11:55

YANBU!

Original poster

shesparkles · 30/11/2011 11:56

Worra, it's chucking rain outside so I'm thinking they don't expect him to be playing in the rain?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 11:57

Unless it is peeing down with rain, why cant they actually play OUT.

You dont need to feed them snacks, and if they make a mess, at 9yo they are more than old enough to clean it up, or you ban friends coming round.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2011 11:58

Well you didn't mention the rain, it's gloriously sunny here.

But as an aside, I'm asking if there is a link between them not wanting the boys in their house...and expecting them to play at yours rather than outside?

AMumInScotland · 30/11/2011 12:02

If it really bugs you, send the friend home next time he does it. You don't have to let them play in your house if you don't want to.

Original poster

shesparkles · 30/11/2011 12:02

I'm the first one to chuck the kids outside if it's halfway decent weather, today it's not, but this is constant, after school, at the weekend etc.
I'm just pissed off that they never allow them to play at their house....the boy even brings x-box games and controllers along with him to play here, and will say unprompted, that they're not allowed at his house

OP posts:

Eggrules · 30/11/2011 12:08

YANBU I'd be cheesed off too. We always host my DS's friend and this is getting tiresome especially as they have massive amounts of family support and we do not.

Your choices are to speak to the parents or to send their DS home.

TooEasilyTempted · 30/11/2011 12:14

YANBU but your choices are to make them play outside or send your DS' friend home.

valiumredhead · 30/11/2011 12:14

Just say no next time he comes over if it bothers you.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2011 12:15

I often don't allow the kids in the street to play at my house, but that doesn't mean I'm 'sending' my son to play at their houses.

If he ends up playing at theirs, it's usually because he's been invited.

You probably need a word with your son and tell him not to turn up with his friend expecting him to come in, if they can't play at his.

nickelbabe · 30/11/2011 12:22

when your DS comes back "not allowed to play at their house" is he bringing the friend back too?

If so, you need to nip that one in the bud - say that if his parents won't take turns at hosting the playtime, then tough, friend can't come over every time.

Original poster

shesparkles · 30/11/2011 12:44

nickelbabe, that's exactly it...the friend calls for ds, I'll say "yes you can play, but you'll need to play at his house" they go along there, and they're both back 2 mins later, "not allowed in" at their house

OP posts:

Original poster

shesparkles · 30/11/2011 12:44

I need to grow a pair don't I

OP posts:

nickelbabe · 30/11/2011 12:47

you do, i'm afraid. :(

If he's not allowed to play at their house, then your DS should come home. on his own.
let friend's parents explain why they're effectively banning their son from playing with his friend.

I'm not saying never let them play together, but if they play at your house one day, then the next day, send them to friend's house, and if friend's parents say no, then you say no too.

ChaoticAngel · 30/11/2011 12:52

Yes, you do. Next time they turn up tell them they either play outside or your DS's friend goes home.

hackmum · 30/11/2011 12:57

YANBU. I think the parents are being incredibly off, not letting your DS into the house. It kind of implies there's something wrong with him, doesn't it? But they're all too happy to let you take in their DS. What a pair of incredibly unpleasant people.

cuppatea2 · 30/11/2011 13:07

weather aside, i wonder if the other mum is intending for them to play outside, maybe she doesnt realise that theyre coming to yours?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/11/2011 13:08

It sounds as though the other parents are trying to offload their child onto you, giving them a few hours of quiet. Next time they turn up back at your house, say "Well I'm afraid you can't play here today either, so you will either have to play outside together or X will have to go home". And just keep doing that. And maybe encourage your DS to find some other friends to play with where the playing "hosting" is reciprocated.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2011 13:13

It sounds to me as though they are telling their child to play outside, but between them your DS and theirs are deciding they want to play at yours.

This doesn't mean the parents are expecting you to have their child around.

Appuskidu · 30/11/2011 13:29

You are enabling the situation though. Next time that happens-say 'that's a shame, but it's not convenient for you to come and play here either-we'll arrange something for another day' then let your son in, but not the friend...

3rdOneComingUp · 30/11/2011 13:46

I'd be upfront with the mother and ask for a reciprocal arrangement. Just not letting the lad in means that neither of them get to play so is a 'lose, lose' and is mean spirited.

Call her and say can you formalise the arrangement?

hedwig2001 · 30/11/2011 13:51

I have to say we have been on the otherside of the fence. My DS has friends to call, who we don't let because my house is often a tip and I would be embarrassed to let them in!!!

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