AIBU, paranoid, or over reacting?

[MittzyTheBahHumBugValiantVole]

Can I just share something with you?

DS has been in an ongoing verbal scuffle with a neighbour's lad. Over a week ago I rang the Dad to see if we could cap it as it was getting a bit out of control, he seemed fine about it and thanked me for the call.
Agro stopped generally but the lad was on DS's FB chat last night calling him a 'PussyHole, Mummy's Boy , Puffter' and the like. I got DS to curtail the chat.
BUT. Over the last couple of weeks I have started to feel quite uncomfortable about the Dad's routine crossing mine, he'll drive past 'aggressively' and make a noise with his engine or something that draws my attention. But I am not best confident so think it is just me being sensitive and paranoid cos I called him...

Tonight I go to kick boxing and he drives past as I am waiting for a lift and pulls onto his drive. No big deal.
As we are driving back, I am in the front passenger seat and keep turning around to talk to the girls in the back, and am nearly blinded as the driver behind, is very close, with full (big) headlights on, as we pulled into the village the girl driving said she was p'd off with the driver behind as he had been hassling all the way home. He could barely have been a metre away from our drivers car.
I ducked down to look at the vehicle (it was big and so close to the car, all you could see was the front of the van and his lights) and realised with a sickening, shaky feeling that it was this lads Dad.

I am out and about loads and see loads of people and vehicles on my routine, and don't assume there is something going on but now, after tonight I feel a bit odd.
He is as far as I know a single Dad, (Lad seems to live between both parents homes), we hadn't even really been on nodding terms before, I wouldn't have recognised him if I fell over him in the street, but a week ago after a really weird experience in town when I became aware that everywhere I went in town, he seemed to appear, either in his van or on foot. I thought maybe he was trying to broach things about our DS's but now I don't know.

There's been quite a few little things that I just think is me seeing things wrong, but tonight was really odd....... Sorry for waffling, I am a bit agitated.
I have to pass his house several times a day, daily, and the bus stop I use for everything is opposite it as well. Feel a bit unsettled.

Get a CCTV camera for your home. It might be worth popping in to the local police station or your local council building and asking for some advice about what to do if a neighbour starts harassing you. That gets it on record that you're concerned, and they may well have some good ideas and advice that people here don't think of.
I know what you mean about not being quite able to point to any one thing and say "he did THIS" but a load of little things, all taken together can be worrying and unsettling.
If only to get a bit of peace of mind, have a word with someone at the police station or council. You aren't wasting their time if you go in to enquire, it's what they are there for, and harassment is taken seriously nowadays.

He's being a bully and trying to intimidate you. So is his son.

Ask your son to ignore anything the other boy does to intimidate him, he'll soon move onto a new victim to bully. Hopefully then it'll die down with the father too.

If you are feeling properly victimised/bullied by the dad, perhaps you need to mention it to the local police - it will start an official paper trail with his name on, if nothing else.

Are you on your own? Is there someone you could have round to stay for a bit, even if it's just to put your mind at rest that maybe you are oversensitive to it? He could just be an unpleasant person to everyone and not actually victimising you particularly.

Sorry, it's all I have to offer. Good luck.

Diary note everything, everytime something seems wrong about his actions. Dates, times, witnesses (such as your friend who was driving), it will build into more of a picture and you then have more to take to the police if you feel you need to.
DH was in our Neighbourhood watch and the police liaison officers emphasised this diary noting, especially with anti-social behaviour as it builds a much more damning picture than the odd one off report.

and get your ds to block the lad on fb too x

I agree that you should write everything down so far and keep a log of anything else.

I don't think it's got to going to the police stage yet, it could just be a case of you buy a certain type of car and then notice them everywhere you go, ie, you're only noticing him because he stands out at the minute.

He's bound to be around your area if he's your neighbour, and there's nothing illegal about driving about/revving your engine etc.

Because you're trying to get it in some perspective (by thinking of the reasons why it might be you overreacting) I think you'll know when and if he crosses the unmistakable line into harrassing you, that's when everything you've written down will come in handy for taking to the police.

On the other hand, when you've written all the small things down you might be in no doubt he's acting weirdly and decide to get help now.

Even if they can't do anything as yet, the police will give you a sympathetic ear and some advice.

Could it be that you are noticing him because now you have contact with him? You mention a village so I would imagine it is quite common to see the same people in a small place. However you might only be noticing him now you have spoken to him so he is now someone on your mind. You do say that you wouldn't have recognised him if you fell over him before.

As for the driving thing it sounds weird, but it is hard to tell from your post exactly what happened. Some people just drive like massive arseholes like you mention above.

Agree with the other posters though that if it is worrying you you should take note of when and where these incidents occur.

Sounds horrible, bullying and intimadating. I hope he gets bored soon. It is best not to show any response, or even let him know yu have noticed, he is hoping to unsettle you. Yes, keep a diary, and yes speak to thepolice for advice. Best wishes.

It's bullying and antisocial behaviour.

Agree you should keep a diary and report it to the police.

On a daily basis, just ignore him.

Thanks,

Mily, it is a big village on a major A road , there is a huge amount of traffic, I am on a crossroads, his Van is a big white Transit with his businesses livery, I know I didn't notice it much before but there is just something that is making me feel uncomfortable.

'I don't think it's got to going to the police stage yet, it could just be a case of you buy a certain type of car and then notice them everywhere you go, ie, you're only noticing him because he stands out at the minute.'

Again I agree with this Agent, and keep telling myself that this is the case but again that niggle keeps resurfacing.

I know this could be in my head, and am trying to rationalise that that might be the case, but just have this gut feeling.

Just before I phoned him about the boys, he spent one evening (my DS and his mates were in the village centre) shining a powerful torch and 'laser' torch in their faces. Then when DS and his mates got lairy, thinking it was the lad winding them up, he came out to say it was him 'pissing them about'.

I have been ignoring him, or making sure I just carry on as normal if I am aware his vehicle is there.
And that is when the engine revving thing has been happening.
DS says he has done it to him too.

am a bit unsettled though because as I was coming home from school from dropping DD off, (late due to dealing with something) his Van was sitting at the end of his drive, waiting to pull into traffic, and I went a different way. My problem but need to get a grip.

It does sound like low level harrasment to me. Not entirely threatening, but just letting you know he knows ITMS.

If he drives a transit van, chances are over revving the engine/driving aggressively/tailgating are just his regular driving habits. Most of them seem to be driven by complete wankers with no road sense.

(Disclaimer - I said 'most' not 'all')

God how horrible. I'd be shaking like a leaf. ))))Mittzy((((

Great advice on here - sorry I don't have anything to add.

Glad I posted, as it is not going round in my head so much now.

Have had several occasions to talk to folk about my DS's conduct and felt mostly OK about how they have been resolved, but just feel that this guy is a bit of a......erm.....Knob!

Have made a note and will try to just stop over thinking, but be on the side of wary if it doesn't just drop away to nothing.

Thanks it helped to post x

I think the laser/torch shininfg thing puts a new light in it (so to speak). That from a grown man is intentionally intimidating. Its the kind of thing teens could do thinking it a laugh.... but a grown up. I think your instincts are spot on

I think it has already gotten to the stage where you need to contact the police. He might already be known to them as someone with a violent history.

Also, print off the fb page with the threatening comments. Although it was the son who posted these, it will support what you are saying to the police.

You need to start documenting each & every incident, and making a note of witnesses and supporting evidence.
So sorry, my DS has a vaguely similar feud with a neighbour, although it hasn't spilled over to adult tensions like your situation, presume that by now your DS has unfriended the other lad on FB?

Make a diary of all the little things that happen.

Get your ds to block the boy of FB for starters!!

Have documented everything and will deal with DS and FB.

Whether or not he knew I was in the car, and therefore if it had anything to do with the other stuff, he was still deeply irresponsible for tailgating and harassing the driver.

I played down some of the stuff because my DS's life has been a catalogue of disasters recently and I have dealt with one thing after another, some his fault and some not. I have been at the end of my tether so just wanted to draw a line in things.

I am tired and a but run down so kept a low profile today so wasn't out and about as usual. I will make sure I have my earphones with me to listen to music as it takes my focus off being self conscious walking around.

I had the overwhelming urge (in my head) to want to tell the bloke what a monumental twat I think he probably is and that he has acted like a prize jerk and then offer him the MN mantra of 'Fuck the fuck off to fucksville, and when you get there, fuck off some more'.
(made me smile thinking it anyway!).... but channelled my inner grace and dignity!