To get in touch with my sister after 12 years?

[Arachnophobic]

I know this probably isn't the best place to post this but there is much traffic here and I would appreciate your views.

I will try and strike a balance between not going on for too long and drip-feeding.

Mum and dad split when I was a baby. So never really "lived" with my dad. There was a court order that he saw me one Sunday every fortnight, but I didn't think he was a great father tbh. Not very tactile, never said he loved me, a very odd relationship. It was like going out with a friend of the family. we never had any father daughter chats or had that kind of relationship IYSWIM.

He re-married and my sister was born. I last saw her when she was 14. I have good memories of her, she was a nice girl. However there is some pain when I look back, because we were treated very differently. For example she would have lots of presents bought for her at Christmas and birthdays, all neatly wrapped up where as I got twenty quid shoved in an envelope. She was put through private school at considerable expense and I wasn't. I don't care about that all now but I remember looking back and thinking that this all meant that she was liked and loved more than me . Clearly not my sister's fault at all.

Anyway there was a massive fall out 12 years ago. Over something unrelated. Nothing to do with my sister and this wasn't her fault clearly. But I haven't seen her nor my dad since.

When I was pregnant someone in my family went out of their to tell dad, and this person basically told him to get in touch with me so he did I wasn't interested frankly, and this is not the purpose of this post. HOWEVER when my sister became aware that I was pregnant she called back my family member, said she wanted to get in touch and also left her mobile number.

I would like to, but my concerns are as follows -

1. I don't want to see my dad and I don't want any pressure put on me.
2. I have been feeling lonely and a bit needy of late and don't want to do it for the wrong reasons.
3. I have no end of other difficulties with a number of close family relatives and while I am not at loggerheads with them they are relationships that need careful managing. In short I don't want any more hassle.
4. Scared of getting hurt even more, as when she talks about her life it will become more obvious how different we were treated and again I will beat myself up thinking dad never loved me.

Sorry - too bloody long. But would appreciate your views on this one.

You can tell your sister that your relationship is her not your Dad and you're not looking to see him. It will be lovely for your baby to have an auntie, so this looks like a good opportunity to build bridges.