to feel confused after finding out that a friend slept with ex?

[TunaTiebacks]

More of a WWYD I suppose. Have namechanged.

I went out with ex for 4 years. We met and lived in my hometown for most of that time, but moved to his hometown for 5 months before we split up and I moved back home with DS. He is DS's father. When we moved to his hometown, I was befriended by a friend of the family, who is also a mum and I think was grateful to have another mum around to socialise with. She forced herself on me a bit at first, but we soon became good friends and saw each other most days. Ex never seemed to like her much, said she was interfering and nosy but I got on well with her.When ex and I split, she was visibly upset that I was leaving and has remained in contact ever since. We talk a few times a week and see each other when I go to visit family in her town. We've been good friends for 3 years now.

This week I found out through a mutual friend that she had a brief relationship with ex a few years ago (about 12 if my maths is right!), and it was a sexual relationship. She has never mentioned anything of the kind to me and I'm sure would be mortified if she knew that I knew. (It is definitely true - when I asked, 2 other mutual friends confirmed. They had assumed I knew. It is common knowledge but because I am not from there, I was unaware.)

Ex and I are over, 100% and I would not take him back for anything. Plus she was before me. So it's not jealousy I'm feeling. But I feel a bit weird about it! We usually discuss everything and I feel like she's kept this from me. Almost like our friendship is based on a lie!

WWYD? Would you mention it or try and forget you ever found out, and say nothing?

So that namechange went well then! I WILL be namechanging after this!

Some people keep their sex lives to themselves and dont have the need to compare notes discuss it

I think its odd that she never mentioned your ex was also her ex ... but i suppose if he didnt mean that much to her , why drag it up iykwim ? .

Dont think your friendship is based on a lie , shes probably cringing inside and hoping youd never find out .

Id just laugh about it , after all you both must have worked out hes not that great !.

I'd be pissed off that someone who I had lived with and had a child with hadn't told me that they had had a relationship with someone they knew I was becoming friends with, but I wouldn't be pissed of with the friend.

She could well think taht your ex would have told you and you just never mentioned it.

that would annoy me as there was no real reason to keep it quiet. Even if at the start she felt a bit awkward saying it to you - she coudl have mentioned it after a few drinks and said "look I didnt know how to tell you before" etc etc.

Tunatiebacks...is that you?

Haha Geordieminx , as namechanges go it was pretty poor wasn't it! I hate Tuna though so will be changing after this post!!

slavetofilofax you're right, she could have assumed he'd told me. Didn't think of that. No point with being pissed off with him, where his lies are concerned this is a TINY one!

I would be very pissed off with both of them, and certainly wouldn't consider her a friend.

Both of them were not honest with you.

That is devastating, to be honest (if I were in your shoes).

I don't think you're unreasonable to feel funny, but I don't think she was unreasonable not to mention it. I wouldn't introduce a casual ex to DP as "this is John, who I slept with;" as it's not relevant. If it was more serious, I would.

Equally, I'd expect DP to say, "this is my old girlfriend, Kate," but not "this is Sally, who I used to shag after closing time 10 years ago."