To ignore my sisters partners family OCD and make no special effort

[Dirtydishesmakemesad]

I am going to my sister for 3 days at christmas (we do not have a car and its too far for much less than that on the train around christmas!). My sister and i always spend christmas together she invited us there this year and is really excited about us coming. Her partner has OCD, he is on medication for it his mother and sister also suffer the same and apparently his sisters two year old is now showing some of the same problems. His whole family will be spending christmas eve at my sisters house so we will be with them for the day as well.

I have 4 children ages 7 and under i will be 31 weeks pregnant my sister is 34 weeks pregnant. While i have no plans to roll my children in dirt and wave them at his family i am also have no plans to force my children to follow the "rules" either. My sister ignores her partners routines and the more unreasonable preferences ( socks are supposed to face the same way in a drawer for example - she tells him to sod off and do his own if it bothers him for example). His family she tends to accomodate more but tbh some of the things she has mentioned are ridiculous.

Just one example of many: after eating a mouthful of food the childrens hands must be wiped with a baby wipe then that wipe thrown away and the process repeated with a fresh wipe after the next mouthful. Its a wonder that her partners sister toddler hasnt had his face wiped away after two years of that i certainly dont plan on uses baby wipes after every mouthful that all four of my children take - i mean i dont have enough hands for a start. .

My sisters partner is ok we ignore his things he does and some of the more reasonable ones we stick to ( like the food he will and wont be near - w dont get things he hates for example) and i have coached my children not to mention things when he is here. His family area whole different league though.

One part of me says ignore it its not your problem, his sister will have to suffer my children who wont be sticking to the "cleaning rules". Another part says it IS an illness so i feel mean knowing she will be uncomfortable with the possibilty of one of my children going near her son (which they are bound to do if they play during the day).

Aibu to ignore the majority of the things which seem to expected while his fanily are there chrismas eve and just enjoy the da as normal with my sister?

lol, it sounds like a barrel of laughs

Ds1 has obsessive behaviours. We allow him to do most of them but certainly do not join in. That would be Sebring him all the wrong signals.
We want him to see average social behaviour, not help normalise his obsessions.

that sounds very sensible

I suffer from OCD and I wouldn't expect others to follow my weird routines. If I was worried about going somewhere "dirty" then I would just avoid it. So maybe your sisters family have considered the implication of you being there and can deal with it. Part of my therapy is to expose myself to my perceived dangers so maybe it's a good thing for your sister's family to have "normal behaviour" around.
There is definitely a genetic element to it.

There are so many 'fine lines' with OCD.

Trying to control sometimes bizarre and irrational behavior, but without drawing others into calluding with you.

Not wanting to 'encourage' the behaviour in someone with OCD, at the same time as not making the person feel like they're a freak.

Wanting to help the person gain some control but knowing you should never force them into any type of aversion therapy, because the decision to try and control it must be theirs.

With three adults there must be some conficting rituals, who gets to out trump who??

I would go OP, and relax (if that's possible with so much anxiety around) and don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

I think they would be very unreasonable to expect you to 'join in' any of their rituals/obsessive behaviours.

Kitchen... No doctor can order others to behave in a certain way. They just can't. And what about op's own dc?

I always thought the medical advice with OCD is not to follow the routines the person wants as this tends to make someone with ocd worse. So yanbu.

OCD and related illnesses can run in families.

I think it would be better to maybe eat in 2 sittings so that your children can eat normally and it won't stress out the OCD sufferers.

It is not reasonable to want to babywipe a child's hand between every mouthful. However, if there are some things that are reasonable, I would comply with the "rules" to avoid upset if compliance is not causing you a big problem/teaching your children strange behaviour.

TBH with that level of OCD, I am surprised at the partner allowing an invitation to be made.

I would ignore it and carry on as normal. I f they say anything to you about it, just calmly tell them that you disagree that you should have to be obsessively clean to protect your children, so you won't be doing as they do.

You have as much right to behave in your usual way at your sisters house as they do.

Season of Comfort and Joy :o

Poor you OP. Probably let yours run around as normal and grin and bear the consequences is the best advice.

yanbu. it's part of the recovery from OCD learning to tolerate others dealing with situations without resorting to OCD reassurance techniques.

Side issue - but wouldn't food taste vile when its constantly being tainted with babywipes (if face and fingers are wiped after each bite)? Most of them have really strong chemicals in, which is why they make such ace stain cleaners, and the child must be ingesting a lot of chemicals this way. :(