to feel horribly guilty about being a beached whale?

[MakesCakesWhenStressed]

Am nearly 34 weeks pregnant with DC1. Have had a mostly good pregnancy with some PGP pain and mystery dizziness that has stopped me driving. This week I am just feeling completely exhausted (which I am hoping is some random bug I'm fighting off and not just the norm for 33 weeks).

Anyway. DH has basically stepped in and, despite working FT whilst I am self-employed from home (and running out of work atm, tbh) has insisted on taking over all household chores apart from cooking and food shopping (which I order online atm, obviously, due to the not driving). I have always done nearly all the housework (everything except the bins and DIY) and I feel horribly guilty having DH run around after me.

My mum seems to think it's just as it should be and I know it sounds like some kind of stealth boasting or something, but it's honestly not - I just feel redundant. All this time when I've been earning peanuts and he's been working FT I have consoled myself with the fact that I ran the house and he couldn't do it without me, but actually - he can, and apart from some laundry where I had to jump in to rescue some woollens, he's doing a pretty good job. I just feel like a great big lazy drain on his resources, especially when I am all miserable and drippy like I am at the moment. What a misery I must be to come home to.

Maybe AIBU is the wrong place to post this. I suppose I just want reassurance that this is temporary and not just how I'll feel for the rest of this pregnancy. I miss keeping my home nice and making an effort with my appearance and feeling like I'm a blessing in his life instead of a burden.

Oh bless. This is normal. So many people (especially women) would have you think that pregnancy is nothing but this is the reality.

You are not a burden, you are carrying his child. Your body is making an entire new human being inside you and that's tough work!

Go easy on yourself. You'll have plenty of time to make it up to him after the baby's born.

YABU - I am sure he is happy to offer you support while you grow his baby. If he seriuosly only valued you for looking pretty and washing his stinky socks you would have a shitty relationship. You need to find value in who you are not what you offer.

Ugh. Stupid pregnancy hormones. Just started crying at that.
Thank you for replying. I suppose I thought I'd just be able to breeze through pregnancy and am finding it v frustrating not to be able to do even the bare minimum I was doing before.

YANBU to feel bad that you're relying on others, but you must stop feeling bad about it.

We all have to take our turns at being looked after, and looking after others.

Say if your DH couldn't help out, say he was poorly, you'd do it wouldn't you? You wouldn't mind and you certainly wouldn't want him to feel bad.

True.

You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

You're carrying his baby - bet he couldn't do that!

I'd leave him to it and hope you will feel better next week. I always found the last few weeks the easiest as I got a big spurge of energy from somewhere. I hope the same happens to you.

Nesting thing? That would be nice! Just in time for Xmas! :)

Yeah, not being able to breeze through... been there.

It is frustrating. But stick with it, you've only got a few weeks to go. Just the finishing touches now really!

My DD was born at 35 weeks. Perfect, but dinky and a little bit too furry for my liking. Enjoy these last few weeks for what they are, let him enjoy looking after you. Just let him know you appreciate it.

Good on your DH for supporting you like this. You're doing a very important and tiring job right now and it bodes VERY well for your future together that he is man enough to step up like this when you need him to. So many sad threads on MN where "partners" are acting like spoilt brats and women are endangering their health and that of their unborn children because their manchild can't possibly wash his own fucking socks for a few weeks.

Parenting together throws up lots of challenges and it's brilliant that you can face them together, as a team.

Your job right now is to look after yourself and your bump. Your DH's job is to look after you. Make sure you say thank you, but don't you dare feel guilty about it!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

YABU
don't be daft :) Can he grow a person? No he can't. That's your job right now, anything else you manage is a bonus.

Thanks Grumpla I am well aware how lucky I am and try to show my appreciation where possible - since cooking is all I'm allowed to do he's getting lots of favourite foods at the moment, even if I'm not that keen (rice pudding anyone? ) I suppose knowing how lucky I am is part of it - I am terrified of him suddenly turning round and wondering what he's getting out of the relationship, y'know?

And yes, he is a real man - man enough to practice how to wear a sling in front of all the girls at my 'baby shower' party, even though it's a rather girly colour :) The cat didn't seem to mind being used as a substitute baby, either. I have some very obliging males in my life...

Oh thank God - lunchtime. I'm getting so bored that meals and MN are all that are keeping me going!

PMSL at the thought if putting my cat in a sling... That would be a hasty trip to A&E for anyone foolish enough to try!

Hello lovely Cakes,
What he's getting out of the relationship is a lovely wife- and a new baby in a few weeks time!
I bet you do plenty to support him when you are fighting fit and although pregnancy isn't an illness, the last few weeks do really take it out of you. You are heaving a huge amount of extra weight around (remember it's not just the baby, but all the extra fluid and the placenta too) which is tiring in itself. I suspect that the hormones make you tired, which is your body's way of saying "rest now while you can, because you need to store up as much rest as possible, while you still can "

Sending you a Big Hug x

Grumpla - yeah, we didn't even contemplate it with the other cat - he'd send you to A&E, then pack his spotty hankie and leave home!

Diamond - too much time to feel sorry for myself I suspect.

Finite - thank you

Is macaroni cheese as easy as it sounds? I've never made (or eaten) it but have promised to make it for supper... Is it just a cheesy white sauce mixed through cooked macaroni and baked? Basically a pasta bake with nothing exciting in it?

Yes Makes (having it for lunch YUM). you can can add fried pancetta or bacon for interest.

On another note - how are your iron levels etc? I started taking extra iron at around 36 weeks and felt so much better for it - should have done it sooner. I'm 39 weeks and lounging in front of the telly though.

Yep, that's it!...
Do you like blue cheese? (I know you can't eat it whilst pregnant) If you do i can give you a very simple and quick recipe for after baby is born.

According to last test my iron levels are good for a not-pregnant person. The GP practically gave me a gold star

Is it sad that that made me feel smug?

We have some cold gammon - he can have a slice or two of that on the side maybe?

What you watching Iggy? I'm onto Loose Women, which occasionally makes me shout at the telly, but at least it's not going to make me cry again

Finite - I'm not a huge fan, but DH loves it. Recipes always welcome.

YABU to feel bad about it!

I'm 36+5 and on crutches with pgp and also have a 5yr old dd. I'm off work now (worked 30ish hours before) and dh would often come home and cook dinner and put Hoover round. He still does now! I do feel guilty, but he gets cross now if I do too much.

If your dh was poorly, you'd look after him. It's the same thing in my book.

You can eat blue cheese if you've cooked it. I popped it on everything when I was PG and just bubbled it under a hot grill. Was yummy!

I'm in the same boat. Am 35 weeks and really struggling this time. I'm doing my best to stay on top of things as I've been off work for a couple of weeks now but walking is nearly impossible, driving is becoming very difficult and it's a case of put washing on, sit down, pick socks off floor, sit down, put mugs in sink, sit down, that sort of thing.

Dinners are boring as hell but I haven't the imagination to think of anything more exciting despite being able to order online. But I've just had to accept that last time it was easy, this time is difficult. I feel very guilty though.

And should have said, YABU! :)

Glad it's not just me with the guilt - guess it goes with the territory, huh?

I don't mind planning dinners as long as I have an appetite. it's when I'm off food and just want a bowl of cereal that I get really fed up with meal planning!