to be so terrified of birth

[Iwishthestorkwouldbringmybaby]

I am due to give birth to dc3 in a few days, they'll do a sweep then induce me as 3 weeks ago the baby was already estimated to be 8.5lb. Both previous babies were forceps and the second was a hideous nightmare as they didn't have time to administer pain relief due to decelerating heartbeat. I had mild PTSD afterwards.

By now, the baby could be as much as 11lb! Every night I have cried myself to sleep in fear, thinking of shoulder dystocia, and other horrible things, I feel there is no escape from this horrible nightmare that is around the corner. I am desperate to meet our much wanted baby but feel constantly nauseous at the thought of the birth, I am trying to get myself into a positive frame of mind but do not know how I am going to manage a huge baby - the other two were 8lb something but nothing like this.

Those weight scans are really unreliable - bet baby turns out to be a 7lb 13 - er!

i think it's highly unlikely that your baby will have gone from 8.5lb to 11lb in 3 weeks to be honest.
plus growth scans have something like a 20% margin of error either side, so baby could well be much, much smaller!

but even if he is big that doesn't mean a bad birth. mine were all well over 9lb and came out easy as pie. a friend of a friend said her 9lber was far easier to birth than her 6lber!

keep active in labour if you can, keep hold of the G&A and just go with it. Have faith in your body :)

maybe start another thread about positive big baby birth stories? am sure you'll find plenty on here.
and good luck

DD1 was 8lb11 and took a good 9hrs. DD2 was a doddle and popped out in 45 minutes- she was 10lb6. Big doesn't necessarily mean difficult.

Growth scans are really unreliable. I also know a woman who despite being very petite herself birthed an 11lber with only a minor tear!

Try not to worry so much pet, you need your rest at this stage. Make sure you are eating plenty - easy to forget when you are so panicked but your body needs to store up plenty of calories to see you through.

It is natural to be scared given your past experiences but remember that every birth is different - it doesn't mean you will have the same experience again!

Good luck!

My weight scan implied I was carrying a bowling ball. Dd was pretty small in reality. They are often wrong, if that helps at all.

YANBU

but...

I had a scan the day before I was induced and the babay was estimated to be 10lb - he turned out to be just under 9lb (again no difficulties here), so I think you are worrying unecessarily. If you are that concerned then go and discuss your fears with your midwife.

Totally understand your fear. YANBU.

You need to talk to the midwives about your previous experiences as soon as you're in the Maternity Unit, they won't be reading your notes so you have to keep talking. Is baby's dad going to be there and can you count on him to be assertive too? I don't know how I would have managed without DH pretty much becoming my voice. I asked for drugs and kept being told 'soon soon' but when DH said 'she needs something NOW' I was off my head within minutes!

Writing a plan is a good idea, BUT I would see it as a script to keep repeating rather than a 'contract'.

As lubeybaubley has said (and I'm sure you're aware of) the weight scans ARE unreliable, so you may be getting yourself worked up over something that won't happen. However, if your baby IS a big one, you're going to need to find your voice early. (Mine was estimated at 10lbs, he was 8lbs).

I can't really think of anything else to say that you don't already know, YANBU at all but you need to try and control your imagination and terror, try not to focus on 'what ifs' - one way or another your baby has to be born. I mean that nicely, but that's the reality.

Have a virtual (((HUG))). As far a PTSD, you can't stop it if it happens, but you know the signs, and can prepare. Take it EASY after the birth, have family on hand to give you as much peace as possible. Don't be a martyr mum and try to do too much afterwards, I speak from experience. Go at your own pace, cry, rest, talk. I spent a week in bed after the birth of my second child, baby next to me, DH and family doing everything else, and I swear that it was my stubborness to do as little as possible that saved me from being at the mercy of PTSD for long. x

A - those scans can be really really wrong.

B- shoulder dystocia can happen with any size baby so really no point in panicing over that. And its not that uncommon so the midwives will know what to do (believe me I know! It wasn't a fab birth experience but we all came out of it ok!)

C- if it is worrying you that much have you discussed the possibility of a c section with your consultant?

Please don't worry yourself sick over this. Talk to the professionals who may be able to put your mind at ease or at least discuss your options.

P.s I know people who have popped out 10 and a half pounders with a bit of g and a and a smile! It can happen. A bog baby does not always mean a horrible birth

I had a two big babies ten four, then nine seven. both much easier to get out than my little 8 pounder! Gravity helps! Out in two pushes and no stitches! I know its easy to say, but try not to worry, the likelihood is all will be well.
I was never told to expect a big baby, but my friend was, and he was seven pounds! they get these things wrong all the time.

Big not bog doh

YADNBU good luck

Bless you. Have faith. Oddly enough, within the last few weeks I have ecountered a number of women with 10lb plus babies, they all had positive/'normal' births...sounds like I'm making that up but I'm not! Also worth noting that I was a big baby, my borth notes just say 10lb+ as the scales didn't register more apparently, and my mother always tells me that my birth was far more pleasant than that of my much smaller younger sister.

I feel for you.
I was listening to a programme on the radio last week about women who are phobic about giving birth.
There was a midwife on the programme, she had some really good suggestions, none of which I can remember now.
IIWY, I would ensure my MW knew, in advance about my fears. Also, and it may not suit you, consider a CS.

YANBU but apparently big babies are much easier to birth - something to do with the muscles having more to grip onto in the birth canal? - so just have a cup of tea and a biscuit :)

If you want, you can write down all of the things you're scared of and then cross them off in succession! Like "shoulder dystocia - can happen with any baby, and is very unlikely anyway"

(big un-Mumsnetty hug)

My eldest was 11 lb 2oz and honestly it wasn't as bad as you'd think, scans are not always reliable when estimating weight anyway.

I did have some bleeding when the placenta was delivered but after ds2 was born the placenta wouldn't come away which was much more of a pita and he was only 5lb 15

No you are not being unreasonable, given your history i am not surprised you feel scared. Please try to think positively though, if you are scared you are more likely to tense up and the key to a good birth is to relax.
My tips to help you relax are to focus on keeping your jaw soft-laughter IS the best medicine here, and DONT clench your fists, maybe have something soft to stroke nearby (or hold a raw egg,)
Im not a midwife, BUT i am expecting my fifth baby, and they have all been over 8lb, 2 of them were much bigger at 10lb and 11lb and i am only small. The most important thing you can do is relax...book yourself in now for a massage/reflexology/manicure....anything at all that helps you to relax. Hugs to you, believe in yourself.

YANBU. You could try freaking out in front of your consultant and demanding a section. Would that be eaiser for you to cope with? If so then do your best to get one. Fwiw, my last child was nearly 10lb and the birth was fine. No stitches, no tears, not even a graze. Very straightforward and out in a few pushes. It could be absolutely fine even if you did deliver a large baby vaginally.

I was terrified to give birth second time as first was so horrific - I asked a nd got c section (but not on nhs so not sure of the story there as i don't live in the UK).
the cs was so much better if they said you could have that would that be better?
Otherwise this baby has got to come out so could you try hypnotism or something to try and calm your mind a bit. It is the worst feeling - good luck and am sure it will all go well when you dread something it is rarely as bad as you imagine

OP have not given birth myself yet but could you ask about elective CS - if the baby is mega big would they consider it on the NHS?

Thanks everyone. I do want to try and have a VB as I have a toddler and don't really want to try looking after her with a C section wound. I'm trying to stay positive and calm and your posts have all helped. It's true, when you fear something this much it's never that bad, well that's been my experience anyway so fingers crossed.x

OP all of us would be anxious having gone through what you have and now so near to giving birth (always a really worrying time) try and speak to someone - doctor midwife - first thing in the morning. Lay it all out on the table as to how you feel. My first labour was 56 hours. i was in a real state. spoke to my midwife, they induced me and it was under 10 hours and so completely different. i am so glad i told them why i was feeling so crap and scared about it all. Try and see into the future a bit if poss - a lovely new baby to greet and welcome into the world. is there any better feeling!