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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell a friend that my dc is gifted!!!

38 replies

holidaysoon · 29/11/2011 00:11

I need to go to a meeting at school about dcs issues there are many!!!!
I have asked a friend to lok after my toddler and she has asked why what is the meeting about
I don'treally want to tell her because it is dcs business so Ainu if I tell her it is to talk about his giftedness?!!!
This is kind of lighthearted btw am just looking for suggestions as to what to say

OP posts:

DownbytheRiverside · 01/12/2011 17:27

Can I just point out that gifted is often one step away from highly unstable?
It isn't all medals and certificates, especially not in adulthood.

rockinhippy · 01/12/2011 17:31

^Can I just point out that gifted is often one step away from highly unstable?
It isn't all medals and certificates, especially not in adulthood^

point made methinks - sadly thats exactly the sort of negative & green eyed response thats makes keeping quiet about G&T the best option

lljkk · 01/12/2011 17:37

The thing is, RockinHippy, things may well plateau in the long run & you'll be grateful that you didn't overhype their ability early on. And if they stay superclever and above the pack in the long run everyone will know, anyway.

Dd is the fastest runner in her class & almost fastest in her year (over long distances), she is in top ability swim group (locally) & we've been pestered to get her to compete for swim club; the Judo club loved her too. She is a contender for top ability pupil across the board in academic subjects (good at art too, and not bad at music). She's also a cute little blondie.

Do I tell anybody all that in real life? Do I F&&k. I bite my tongue & wait to see how things go. Maybe she'll discover BOYS and fashion & barely scrape 3 GCSEs & end her high school years spotty & plump.

laptopdancer · 01/12/2011 17:42

Why on earth is the term gifted used at all? I can see how it might apply for arts or sports but academically id just use "bright", or "good at maths" or what have you.

This reminds me of my sister and her use of terminology. When her son was in preschool, he was "composing" rather than "making up songs" which is what mine was doing. Both her son and my son were doing the same thing.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 01/12/2011 18:14

yes, why not lie to friends who are doing you favours?

JamieComeHome · 01/12/2011 18:22

A1980 - thanks for your post. I think one of mine will bloom at Secondary.

2old2beamum · 01/12/2011 18:32

hanaka88, believe me SN parents do like to think their child is the worst. Was at a meeting at school for children with complex needs, couldn't believe my ears most parents were "boasting" how sick their DC was, I was speechless. BTW our beautiful son died 2 weeks later. Slightly off thread SORRY
holidaysoon I would keep schtumm parents can be very jealous and gossip.

rockinhippy · 01/12/2011 18:57

lljkk that made me giggle & yes you are more than right :)

I'm pretty much the same with DD, play it down, but at same time praise her for working hard, always doing her best, good manners etc etc - she sounds similar to yours, in that so far there's nothing she's not at least exceptionally good - but who knows where she'll go from here - she's already got a bit of a party animal head on her, so we could well be in trouble when she hits her teens

& then in the back of my mind is my old friends Son - G&T & model pupil all through School, offered a Scholarship to Oxford at 16 & I mean offered as in he was singled out to be invited - he didn't even apply - he told them all to F" off, "its my life - went camping with his mates instead of attending the 2 week intro - generally dropped out, no Uni etc, got in with a very bad crowd & currently is suspected to be drug running & just a matter of time before he's caught & sent down, or worse :( - & his younger "dumber" struggled all through School Sister is now at Uni & doing really well - go figure

& yes I hate the label gifted & talented too - I think that causes half the problems as far as jealousy goes - it makes it sound TOO clever & pompous

DownbytheRiverside · 01/12/2011 19:40

^Can I just point out that gifted is often one step away from highly unstable?
It isn't all medals and certificates, especially not in adulthood^'sadly thats exactly the sort of negative & green eyed response thats makes keeping quiet about G&T the best option'

rockinhippy, did you think I was being spiteful and jealous?
I was thinking of my daughter, who is 21. She's not found it easy to deal with. People only seem to see very clever or talented children as a positive, without any concerns.

MabelLucyAttwell · 01/12/2011 19:48

My son was bright and I knew it. He was predicted a CSE grade 4 (national average) and only CSE grade 1 was supposed to be the same grade an an O level pass. I knew he could do Maths but he didn't get on with his Maths teacher (or vice versa) so I got a Maths tutor for him (£6 ph so you know it was some time ago!). He finished up with an O level grade B so I was right. He now earns 250K pa and I am so proud.

MabelLucyAttwell · 01/12/2011 19:51

PS No he's not a banker. He works abroad in computers.

A1980 · 01/12/2011 19:56

A1980 - thanks for your post. I think one of mine will bloom at Secondary.

Anytime JamieComeHome! I am sure he/she will. I still think about it now. When I remember how I was. Some of the other children in my class poked fun at me when were aged 10. It was a state primary school and some parents were putting their DC's into private for 11+. My mum was looking at putting me in for some exams and some of the other bitches girls in my class said to me that I wouldn't be able to pass private school exams as I was too stupid. That's what they thoguht of me and I didn't even try. I refused to go and take any exams.

When I remember those days and think of what I have managed (and as I type this I am looking at my degree, masters, LPC and Law Society Admission certificates on my wall) it brings a lump to my throat. You never know how a young child will turn out and it is never too late. I wasn't all that great at secondary either, it was at a-levels that I really took off.

I don't get the whole gifted child thing anyway. What is meant by gifted? IMO there are very few truly gifted children around. The gifted children are hardly Mozart's and Einsten's, they just get high grades at SAT's and assessments. Book smarts are one thing and it could just be a better memory or exam technique but that can come out in the wash later on.

rockinhippy · 02/12/2011 09:38

DownbytheRiverside

yes sorry, but I see now thats not what you meant

I've got to admit though its exactly the sort of bitchy comment I got used to hearing when groups of DHs local friends got together & started bitching over another friends older gifted DD & the gifted kids in their own DCs schools/classes & that instance it was very much green eyed & has a lot to do with why I know its wise to keep quiet

I also feel it puts extra pressure on DD - I wasn't too chuffed that she came home last night & announce she has a letter for me, telling me that the G&T art kids are going on a trip soon - I've never actually told her she is on the G&T list, as I figured it was better all round - she's already had problems, even with some of her friends, nerdy remarks - which she isn't & more recently shes refused to enter School art contests, because 2 of her friends had a go at her, telling her they were sick of her been so good at everything & that there was no point in them entering as she always wins :(

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