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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry/upset with school (and how souls I approach them if at all)

27 replies

littleducks · 28/11/2011 21:06

I pick DD up from afterschool club today, she has a letter she has written herself inviting me/dh and ds into her class after school TOMORROW to see some project work she has done. It explains what she is most excited about me seeing.

There were tears at bedtime because I can't go. Tuesday is my day off but I have to go in tomorrow and stay late on Thurs so I can have Wednesday off for the strike. I arranged this last week before the school had notified me it would be shut.

DD is really upset, I won't see her teacher until Friday. I have told her that if anyone asks her about it (they will be getting stuff ready tomorrow I expect) that it is too late notice and that we have to work extra this week because of the strike. Am hoping this should cut discussions short as otherwise she is going to end up crying get eyes out again.

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 28/11/2011 21:10

Can you write a note and send it to school with her tomorrow? I think schools forget that parents work sometimes Sad

LIZS · 28/11/2011 21:10

I can see it is disappointing for your dd and you but not sure how this is the school's fault Confused Can you not just send a note to the teacher asking if you could pop in later in the week to view it ?

Original poster
littleducks · 28/11/2011 21:13

I think it's the schools fault because with any kind if notice I could gave arranged to have been there, they must have been planning this (budgeted and bought food) arranged template letters for children to write.....so why not inform us about it then?

OP posts:
Original poster
littleducks · 28/11/2011 21:14

Sorry about ransoming bracketing Blush am on my phone!

OP posts:
Sidge · 28/11/2011 21:29

I can understand why you'd be disappointed with the short notice, but it's not really the school's fault you've rescheduled your working week is it?

I do appreciate the grrrr factor though - as one of only a few working mums in my DDs classes I always ask the school to give me as much notice of events as possible!

Original poster
littleducks · 28/11/2011 21:36

Am I really being unreasonable?

Maybe I am overreacting.....really dont like seeing dd so upset. I would not have rescheduled my working week if they were not shutting the school though.

I would never tell people about an event the day before, I just cant understand the logic. Especially then getting the kids all hyped up about it, writing letters explaining how good it will be Sad She is only 5, I dont think she imagined for a minute I wouldnt come

OP posts:
SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 28/11/2011 21:39

But it is the school's fault that the OP has only been given a day's notice of a sharing event that her dd would love her to attend. Because the child has already written the invitation a level of expectation has been set in her mind, the other children will be talking about their parents/siblings attending and it simply isn't fair.

Littleducks I can totally understand your pov, we have similar issues at my dd's school and it drives me batty. However, I'm a governor and can often be found (trying not to get cross) having a word with the teacher or head if I'm in a meeting already. They don't take into account that people work!

helpmabob · 28/11/2011 21:48

I agree with you OP, there is no reason for you to have had such late notice. I would ask the school why they told the parents so late, tell them how upset your dd is and ask them if there is any other time you can pop in to see her work.

007alert · 28/11/2011 21:51

I think YANBU at all. The school should have provided you with more notice. In our school we would be informed at least a week in advance (and often much more in advance of this) via the newsletter, and then a letter would have been sent out last week.

I think your only hope is that sufficient numbers of parents will have been caught out by the timing (which in a strike week will mean extra pressure on parents who work not taking time off on other days of the week) so your dd won't be the only one without a parent there, and others will be asking for another viewing at a different time.

I would write a note saying that the short notice, combined with a day's school closure make it impossible for you to attend, but you would love the opportunity to see the exhibition at a better time. I hope they will respomd favourably.

SuchProspects · 28/11/2011 21:55

YANBU. One day's notice when it's not a spur of the moment thing is pretty rude and thoughtless.

I'm not sure how you approach it (or if you should, do they normally give reasonable notice?) other than perhaps seeing how many other parents were also inconvenienced and make a group delegation to the teacher suggesting better communication in the future. Not in a combative way, more of a "hey, this was a real shame, what can we help make it go better next time?" sort of way.

MrsHarryPearce · 28/11/2011 21:58

You are not so much being unreasonable as being hard on yourself. You are a working mum, you will miss plenty of school stuff over the next 13 years so you can't be expected to make something with 24 hours notice. Don't blame yourself or the school and see if DD can bring some of her work home tomorrow for you to see. Also getting a 5yr old to write the not herself is kind of like emotional blackmail. As a working mum you deserve better,

ANTagony · 28/11/2011 22:03

Short notice drives me up the wall, but then so many of the worlds major problems are in part no doubt down to bad communication. Is there someone else you could ask to look at your DDs work with her, a relative or other parent?

I know it wouldnt be the same or as good as you but at least they could feedback to you and you could do the proud mum bit with her afterwards.

slavetofilofax · 28/11/2011 22:04

YANBU. Your child is upset by something that was completely avoidable, and I would be upset with the school for knowingly putting you both in this position.

If there is anyone else that could go for her, even another Mum that is going anyway and would be happy to make impressed noises at your dd's work, then do what you can to arrange it. I know I have done things like that before for Mums that can't get out of work.

Then write a polite note to the teacher and the head and explain why you are so dissapointed. It won't change anything this time, but it might make them think twice before doing it again. If people don't say that it causes a problem, then they will not stop doing it.

clemetteattlee · 28/11/2011 22:07

Are you sure it is a school "thing"? DD once wrote me a note inviting me to come and see her display work but it turns out it was all her idea and the teacher was a little taken aback when I turned up!

Hassled · 28/11/2011 22:12

The school should have given you way more than one day's notice, especially during a week when everyone's working arrangements are all over the place.

Write an email/letter to the teacher explaining that you feel if the school want to encourage family attendance at these valuable opportunities to see their children's work, then you feel more notice is needed, etc. Then sleep on it and reread tomorrow when you're a bit calmer.

Original poster
littleducks · 28/11/2011 22:12

Unfortunately no relatives nearby who can go on such short notice (my parents both work too) I have asked her friends mum if she could look at it and tell me how great it is but she probably won't be able to get there in time either.

Its part of a whole class craft project so she cant bring any home I dont think.

MrsHarryPearce I think you have cracked exactly why I feel so awful, it really was emotional blackmail, she was all excited had made me a lovely invitation and I have to turn round and refuse it

OP posts:
helpmabob · 28/11/2011 22:20

The teacher may be willing to let you come see it quickly for a couple of minutes at the end of the day on one of the days you pick up. I think it is worth asking. Worst they can do is say no. But if they say yes you can big that up for your dd.

SAHMlikeitHOT · 28/11/2011 22:46

Just wanted to support the OP - if this happened with my child, I would be furious. Most working mums carry enough guilt around with them already, and don't need other working parents (teachers) behaving in such a thoughtless manner. What to do about it is hard - but I agree that you should let the school know that the situation has been distressing.

griphook · 29/11/2011 00:18

YADNBU, I would be be furious if my ds came home and said there was an event at school tomorrow and I'd had no notice beforehand. I'm actually angry on your behalf, and tbh I would make a complaint to head about lack of orgainisation from the class teacher

Even without a stike, how many people can just walzts out of their job at 3.30 with less than 24 hours notice. I know I couldn;t and lots of people will be in the same position

startail · 29/11/2011 00:38

Please moan. Schools giving notice is a complete pita.
Yes I'm a SAHM, but I live in the middle of no where. I am not using 30 miles worth of petrol to buy something red, spotty, victorian or whatever when I was in town yesterdayAngry

talkingnonsense · 29/11/2011 07:20

Are you sure it wasn't mentioned on a news letter or email earlier? It is, ime, quite unusual to only get a days notice and you should certainly comPlain. Yanbu, but do check first!

MrsSchadenfreude · 29/11/2011 07:29

The DDs' last school used to do this all the bloody time and it drove me mad. We used to get one day's notice of school photos, harvest festival, evening concerts - things which weren't taking place at the school, but in the church or village hall, which would have needed to be booked months in advance. I went in and Had Words with both the secretary and the head teacher (both of whom were working parents) and felt I had to explain that not everyone seemed to leave the pre-supposed 1950s lifestyle with a SAHM, and a bit more notice - even a week's notice would have done - would be really helpful. They said yes, yes, yes, of course, we completely understand, and nothing changed. Current school puts everything on an online calendar, plus gives us several weeks notice of things like school photos (and issues reminders), so I see no reason why others can't do the same.

Bonsoir · 29/11/2011 07:37

It's madness; as MrsSchadenfreude says, lots of these school events must have been booked and planned weeks ahead, so why can't parents be informed weeks ahead as well?

NinkyNonker · 29/11/2011 07:51

Depends if this is a big, planned thing or just a fairly spur of the moment, come and see our progress type thing...which is what if sounds like to me.

mummytime · 29/11/2011 08:05

Ninky - my DCs school is notoriously disorganised, but any event to see the kids work is planned months in advance, and put in the calendar/on news sheets. Admittedly it may then be move relatively last minute, but if they ever gave 1 days notice they would know they would get multiple letters of complaint. Also the teacher should have managed expectations, so got them to write the letters but to know "Mummy and Daddy" might not be able to make it, as lots of kids do not have parents at things during the school day especially the children of Teachers.

I suspect it might have been something they were thinking of doing on Wednesday, but even so they should have given more notice.