to not want a school mum to get defensive when the PTFA ask for help for the school fair?

[StaceymAloneForver]

Right so obviously every school needs help with the fair. I have been asking parents of children in my dc's class if they can help out for an hour or so. Only to have one mum jump down my throat because 'we're not all in happy relationships you know, some of us are single parents and don't have anyone else to look after the kids, etc etc etc'.

Now I've been a single parent, I know what it's like, I wasn't expecting a single parent to suddenly down tools to help out, I wasn't picking on her, I was asking a group and resent being talked down to like I'm stupid.

So as not to drip-feed she is also the mum who walked up to me and a friend on the kids first day and said 'i suppose you two are happily fucking married, just so you know I'm single and on benefits' and then stomped off.

So AIBU, a) to ask for parents to help out so our brilliant PTFA can raise the amazing amounts of money they do for the school, and b) to expect civil replies of 'yes I can help', 'Sorry I can't'??

YANBU, however, she has obviously got a major chip on her shoulder!

Were you doing that smug PTA thing that people do?

I think some parents are of the opinion that the sole function of a PTA is to wind them up.

Be a bit tactful re who you ask - I know at this stage which parents have their hands well and truly full and sometimes, while a request for a half hour slot can seem like nothing to the PTA person, it will be enough to tip someone who's already stressed over the edge. But this woman does sound bonkers - just ignore and move on.

She sounds mental.

YANBU, she has ishoos.

She sounds driven to distraction and at the end of her tether, actually. I'd avoid asking her in future, although that in itself is a minefield of "Why are you deliberately leaving me out"

I'm not a smug PTA member, just somebody who helps with everything and was asking others to lend a little of their time, at least it's not just me who thinks she's a bit 'mental' lol

Is your PTA friendly generally? I went to a meeting at our school re helping at our fair and they were SO cliquey and after this year I dont think I will help again. There was a real "them and us" about it all...a few of us had turned up to help and felt like guests instead of part of things.

I am helping this year but it's a pain to be asked to help, turn up willingly and then be ignored by the "regulars"

I wasn't expecting them all to be my best mate but a little effort may have been nice.

oh mumbling that sounds rubbish, our PTFA are great, i'm not a member because i can't make meetings etc as DP works away a lot and Dc's aren;t his so don't always like asking him to babysit while i swan off for the evening (so reserve that right for nights out rather than PTFA )

but they have been great at including me and guiding me wherever i help out and have only heard good things from others, i hope they don't come across as yours do!

Right now i read this thread thinking you were referring to the Parent.Teachers.Fucking.Association

Now it has been mentioned a few times i am wondering if it is something else

Having one of those days!!

I think I would live to hear her version... Unlikely, but still!

oh and she is a loon - YANBU

Parents teachers friends association, as we have members who no longer have dc's at the school but still give us a great deal of help!

You can't do anything about people who let their ishoos affect their behaviour like this.

Yes, though is asking people individually the only way you can do this? A flyer that children take home with your email addresses/phone numbers on it, so those that are able and willing to help can get in touch. Some people feel a bit attached/intruded upon if you collar them when they're not expecting it. Though in this woman's case it sounds like she's a sour old cow who wouldn't help anyway.

they did do the flyer thing but i was asked to do a double shift as my xh has the kids that day and so i an free because there are still 23 slots left without helpers, so stalls will have to close early and less money can be raised so i was just talking to a group and saying 'oh if you've forgotten to fill in you can still help, they do a great job raising funds etc etc'

maybe i should leave it to the ptfa, maybe they have thicker skin than I!

I would just stay out of her way. She clearly has some difficulties in her life which she is not managing to deal with.

I'm a single mum and having just graduated I have just started claiming benefits in the last couple of weeks . However, I help out at the school fayre's and always enjoy it. I don't commit myself to actually being in the PTFA as a member but find that they always appreciate the support of people like me who help at the big events. I don't understand her problem really. It is true that a lot of the women on the PTFA at my son's school are married but there are others like me so I'm sure she wouldn't feel left out. I think she just has a chip on her shoulder.

well done on your graduation :)

i think she must have ishoos, oh well i shall smile and say hello as i do everyone but prob distance any further contact.

Can't you get the year six children to run the stalls? This is what happens at DD's school. Or is it an infant school?

It's a primary school, i don't know if this idea has been looked into i shall put it to the PTFA, thanks

I very rarely say this (actually have I ever?) but I think I can see why she is a single mum...

Please note I have huge respect for single mums and was one for a while whilst DH and I sorted some stuff out but this one seems unhinged.

I went to school with girls like this , except it was all 'I am not rich and living in a mansion with two rich married parents, I can't do that.'

It really pissed me off as the children of genuinely poor families just got on with it.

Just ignore her and hope other people do too.

That's not defensive, that's agressive. Avoid her.