I am being unreasonable (I think?) - but can't help it!

[Newmummytobe79]

My DH has said it's only fair his parents babysit next time we go out. Mine have looked after DC twice and DC has been fine.

Baby will be 12 weeks and will be at our house - not staying out.

I know it's only fair but I can't help the feeling of not wanting them to - just yet!

I know it sounds like I'm inlaw bashing but I'm not.

Both sets of parents are very involved and love DC but his parents just cuddle and push the pram - they havn't calmed, bathed or changed a nappy yet etc

I think it's because I'm so comfortable with my parents (obviously) and know they will only call us home if there was an emergency. Inlaws hand DC back when baby cannot be calmed.

DC is good most of the time and I'm sure they'd be fine ... I just can't help feeling niggled by it.

Do I just bite the bullet and agree or do I wait until DC is a bit older.

Inlaws are older than my parents and sometimes look nervous when DC kicks off - but they have brought up their own children so deep down I know they know more than us!

On a privacy note - I feel I'd have to hide bills etc as I have a feeling they'd have a snoop! But I guess that's another issue.

Tell me I'm being unreasonable - or that I'm not if that may be the case.

oh and newmummy I agree about the bills thing! I'd feel like the place had to be spotless, usually just shut all the bedroom doors on the mess, but I bet MIL would have a right snoop if i wasn't here!

yabu.

they have calmed, fed, bathed and nappy changed your DP...one time.

And you don't forget how to do these things, it'll all come back to them in no time.

give them a chance, and get over yourself.

Why haven't they bathed DC or changed his nappy yet? Because they haven't asked to? Maybe they are worried about stepping on your toes in a way that your own Mum wouldn't be. Have you offered?

I think that many of us are automatically happier leaving our children with our own parents rather than our inlaws, unless there are specific reasons why in terms of personality etc. I especially understand this when they're tiny and hormones are all over the place post birth.

But could you maybe leave DC with them whilst you pop out for a coffee for an hour locally in the middle of the day? If they really can't cope, you'll find out, and will be able to come back quickly and easily. And that way you'll have let them babysit, if you think it is going to cause issues over competitive grandparenting.

JAMWI am sure when you look back you may remember how you feel now,but you will also realize how blessed you and your little one were to have loving grandparents for your first child.We were totally on our own with no family to help out,and it was incredibly lonely. I would have loved to see a willing grandparent(from either family!) even once a week. Indeed that first child is the most special thing,as you say,but you are very fortunate to be able to share that pleasure,and not be struggling alone,as so many do.

Thanks Pootlebug - lots have suggested a test run so I think I'll do just that.

Chandon - what quite do I need to 'get over myself' about? - for asking for opinions on a situation?

I know RealityIsADistantMemory - it does sound a lot I guess. Maybe it would solve itself if we just stayed in!

P.S I know it's no justification but we're home early and one has been a work night for DH and the other a birthday!

Plus I had cabin fever

I think invent some chore that needs doing that would be inconvenient to take your baby to - collecting big boxes of something, delivering things to a variety of places that would involve stop/start and having to get child in/out of car or pram, queing to post things/do passport for child at post office, even a grocery shop (say baby doesn't like the trolley or something)... then ask if they would mind babysitting for that.

Then the chore can be completed in under an hour, breeze back in saying it didn't take as long as you feared... you could even uise the time to buy christmas presents without juggling child or dragging a pram through crowded aisles.

Then their "turn" of babysitting is done and you can see how it goes, if baby is distressed when you get back, then wait a while before asking them again. If OK then upgrade to times that baby might need feeding, bathing, settling to bed.

Your baby is only young, there will be plenty of chances for everyone to lend you babysittnig favours, just don't alienate them so you regret it later on when they never offer to babysit!

JennyH

I am sure that your DH and his parents will understand.

My sister has an 8 week old and our DM warned my other siblings and I before he was born that because it was my sister's first baby, that it might be a while before we got any babysitting time because first time mums can find it difficult to leave their babies with anyone, and not to take it personally.

So she understood completely, she was a first-time mum herself once. So far I have soothed the baby while my sister was doing other things like having a shower, and taken him out in a pram while she had a check up at the doctors (as he started to get fraxious in the waiting room and she asked me to). I was surprised and pleased to be trusted with her newborn, I don't resent her for not leaving him with me longer, but I'm new to babies too!

I think my mum has had more time with my nephew, but that's because in the early days, my sister couldn't sleep or relax unless she knew someone else was looking after her son.

Basically, I don't think YABU. I'm sure they either understand or can be reminded that mum's are protective in the early weeks. If it would make you feel more comfortable, then ask if they'd like to help with nappy changing, soothing, bathing etc while you are there, then progress up to letting them take the baby out for a walk in the pram. It doesn't need to be much and will give you confidence and let them feel involved.

I also enjoyed going with her to a baby session at the library, which didn't involve me taking care of him alone, but being helpful to her and holding him while she prepared to feed him.

reality my ds is 14 weeks and i've been out 4 times, dp was with me the first three. don't see what's about the OP going out!

Newmummy has it occurred to you that they are handing her back as if they are frightened of her as you put because you give then the impression that they need to because of how you feel about this. It could even just be they are trying not to be pushy and step on your toes when she gets upset. Like I said there are plenty of posts on here complaining about mothers and in laws that don't hand the baby back at the first sniffle. I know for sure when my babies were being held by someone else and they started to cry I wanted them back ASAP as do many mums and you are condemning mil for doing just that.

Also it is easier settling someone else's baby when they are not there because you just have to get on with it.