to not be going to visit my mum...

[LJAM]

she was admitted to hospital on saturday for tests and hopefully treatment for a chronic lung condition. i'm in london, she's up north. tomorrow she is having a bronchoscopy under general anaesthetic - i'm really worried about what they'll find.

i have 2 DSs - aged 6 and 18 months. DS2 is teething with molars and has nasty cough. i've been up for past hour with him and he's still not settled (but singing at least!). DH and i both work FT - our companies are doing collective consultation for redundancies. haven't been told yet if either of us is at risk. it's v stressful.

don't feel i can leave kids overnight, especially not with DS2 not well. going up for the day to see her means missing work. i was sick with flu last week for 2 days (would've worked through it but my boss sent me home) and took a day off the week before to go visit mum. feel like i'm really pushing it to take another day off.

it's awful to think of mum in hospital and scared.

You can't do everything even though judging by your OP you wish you could.

Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself a break from feeling you have to storm up there even though you can't.

I hope your mum and your family has good news and whatever they diagnose is treatable.

You cant do everything. Even though "family comes first", at times there has to be other priorities and for you - at the moment it is to sort your children and job out. After all if you jepadise your job then you wont be able to help your mum long-term.

Once she has got the results THAT will be the time to plan ahead for time off (if needed) as she may need you then. At the moment she is being cared for in hospital - your children only have you (and DH) for them

I really feel for your OP but what a terrible inditement of the times we live in when you're too scared to take time off of work for a genuine need in case of repercussions.
Will she find the results out immediately? If she will then I would say sod work and go up for moral support when she gets them in case of bad news and to make sure she understands the results.

Oh love, you really can't do everything. Bascially everything everyone else has said. Don't be too hard on yourself. I do hope your mum is ok.

What sort of a support network does your mum have?
Other relatives, friends, a partner?
I know it feels as if you should go, but in reality are there others she can call on for help in the short term?

Do you have siblings? Let them know why you can`t come down at this moment in time but will come down once the children are feeling better.

Thanks all. she had bronchoscopy y'day and called me from recovery. it broke my heart to hear her sound so confused. i'm going to speak to my boss and go for the day to see her - probably tomorrow. i know i'll regret it if i don't.

i'm feeling fatalistic about losing my job. what will be will be. i work v hard for them. DS2 has nasty cough but doctor says it's viral so not much i can do other than be here for him with hugs and drinks when he wakes up.

i have 2 brothers. one lives abroad - has young baby and another on way. the other lives in london but travels a lot. i'm going to see if he can go to be with her one day this week too.

mum has friends and her sister near by. my aunt is brilliant and has been visiting. but sadly her husband died a few years ago of lung cancer literally in the room next door to where my mum is. clearly it's v hard for her to be at hospital with mum. mum doesn't want her friends visiting until she's out.

agree that it is sign of the times - family all spread out so not much support network for any of us, fear at work, overwhelming + conflicting responsibilities... do we really have it better...?