to leave DP out of this?

[purplepidjin]

I'm musical (undergraduate degree, grade 8 in 2 instruments, work on local youth music project) and I've been jamming with my Dad (good solid guitar player, massively underconfident) for most of my life. We're thinking about getting some gigs, just local pubs playing covers. We're never going to hit the charts, but it would be a nice bit of pocket money now he's retired. Also, I play bluegrass/Irish fiddle so we've got the "something different" needed to interest venues. We've had good reactions at open mic nights.

DP sings. I would love to include him, but Dad and I are very used to working together after 20 or so years. I have a feeling that adding DP in at this stage for the amount of songs you need to do 2 45 minute sets (35-40 songs) would just be too much work. I'd be happy for him to join us on a couple of songs.

DP is fine about this. I'm feeling a bit about whether I'm being fair, so am asking the MN jury

Does he WANT to join in?

Maybe he is more than happy to just sit and socialise and watch you performing with your dad. :)

I'd ask DP if he'd like to do a couple of songs. IF he can add anything to your idea. See how it goes. The audience may like a variety of vocals in a 45 min set. Be non-committal so you can ditch him if he gets on your nerves

We had the conversation, and DP's cool. It's me that feels guilty (privately) now!

Dad and I both sing - me more than him, I'm more used to performing - and I play some fairly rocky fiddle stuff too. I'm quite capable of doing the whole thing solo (and have done) but like the company iyswim. There's only so much you can bore the audience with do with three chords, after all!

I do want him involved, but i also want to do this thing with my Dad. My mum varies in her supportiveness, depending on how many evenings a week Dad spends in the pub. It's far more acceptable if he's with me because that's "Dad and Pidj spending quality time together" not "DH abandoning me yet again"

Well you cant be being unreasonable unless he wants to join in and you dont want him to. Sounds to me like everyone is happy with the way things are, so I honestly cant see any problem! :)

I think you are over worrying.

So why do I feel like I'm BU

I don't know.

DP is fine about this.

There you go, then.

I can always get him to roadie for me, I guess. Would it be acceptable to be a rock goddess with only one groupie?

Whatever suits you, your dp and your Dad is acceptable. If it works for all of you, there isn't a problem.

I'm wondering what it is that is causing you to feel guilty when you aren't doing anything wrong and you have already considered how everyone feels.

Are you Irish - feeling like you're BU or guilty is a state of mind!?
Sounds like you're worrying unnecessarily, enjoy the time with your Dad, buy your DP something nice with the extra cash.
And you should always be a rock goddess to him

slaveto, because I know he loves singing (we're both in a local choir) and he used to be in a covers band which he really enjoyed.

mrsmellow, do great-grandparents on one side of the family count?

You sound like a lovely wife.

You're not stopping your dh singing, and you have invited him to join you for a couple of songs. He will still get to sing with the choir, and I'm sure that if another opportunity came up for him you would support him as much as it sounds like he is supporting you.

Go for it with your Dad, it's a lovely thing for you to be able to do together, and you never know what else it might lead to.

Ah, now that's a whole thread in itself, slaveto - I'm still waiting to be asked

I'm 30, Dad is 65, DP is 46. We won't be giving Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh a run for their money any time soon