...to not want her to come?

[GiserableMitt]

DH's lifelong friend wants to come and visit - he lives on the opposite side of the world. We're both ecstatic that he's coming and DH has loads of blokey type things lined up for him.
But......BFF coming via another country where he will meet a woman he's chatting to online (not the first time he's done this). If he likes her he wants to bring her, although fuck knows how he'll get out of bringing her if he doesn't like her because he's already mentioned coming here as she will need a visa.

This was brought up quite a while ago (different 'friend' to accompany) and DH and I agreed that if he comes alone we want him to stay with us but if he brings someone he will have to stay somewhere else with her. I don't want my home used as a shagpad, especially with kids about, and also I don't know this woman. More importantly, nor does BFF who'll be bringing her.

What he does with his life is up to him, but I'm really hoping that he either doesn't like her or can't get her a visa to visit. If he comes alone he and DH can sit up until the early hours talking shite over several beers, and they can cram as much stuff as possible into the time he's here. If he brings his lady I think we will hardly see him as he will probably feel obliged to spend most of his time with her instead of dumping her in a hotel in a place where there's a huge amount to do or see for her, or worse, I'll be expected to take care of her while the men go off and do their thing. I also think this will be the only time he ever makes it to our part of the worls.

If it was someone he met from home I would feel different and would welcome them both in my home to stay as he would have had time to really get to know her, and I would assume there would be feelings involved for him to bring her rather than just sex. Part of me thinks I'm being unreasonable (and probably judgemental) and I should do everything I can to welcome her (not that I will be unfriendly) and entertain her while she's here for his sake, but the other part of me can't be arsed to babysit someone's friends-with-benefits.

NOT a huge amount to do or see

It sounds as though your DH is the one with the power to stop this. Would his disappointment carry any weight with the friend?

"I'll be expected to take care of her while the men go off and do their thing."

This is not on, either for you or the woman, so DH's friend really has to backtrack on his unauthorised idiotic invitation.

I don't think would do that for fear of upsetting his friend. It's really important to DH to have his friend here.

I'm not sure if his friend has really thought this through or whether he thinks the lady concerned will be fine - she can shop (wrong city for that), sunbathe etc and won't mind being on her own. I don't think it's that simple.

DH's friend never expected to bring his lady to stay at ours, to be fair. I should have mentioned that in my first post. He'd said last year he wanted to come with someone (plus her child - different someone this time) and DH and I had the convo about not wanting them staying here, but it seems his friend was always willing to pay for a hotel.
I just wish his friend would do his thing with her first (he's got a week with her before coming here, not sure if he's seeing her again on the way back) and come here to enjoy time with DH. If it works out with this lady he can get to know her better over time and take her on holiday at a later date.

Yanbu for not wanting them to be shagging on your sofa getting to know each other in your home around your children.
Yabu to judge him for meeting someone online & also for sounding sulky about wanting your time with him to be on your terms.

I'm not judging him for meeting someone online, he's been doing it for years. He's single, the ladies he's meeting are single and it doesn't affect my life. He's very lonely and I'm not going to begrudge him some fun and sex when no-one is being hurt over it.

Whether he comes alone or with someone, I won't see much of him anyway - he's not coming for my benefit. He and DH have been best friends for over 35 years and DH has been talking for years about him coming to visit, and all the things they could do together (shared interests) and won't include me. That's fine, I have more than enough to be getting on with and I'm excited for DH to be able to show our part of the world to his friend. I just think it will be a shame for DH, after all these years, to finally have his friend here only to spend a few hours here and there with him. I really don't want DH to feel disappointed.
Personally I don't think I'm being unreasonable for that but I really don't want her offloaded onto me to take care of if his friend does decide to spend huge amounts of time with DH, and for that I think I am possibly being unreasonable.

YANBU, but you also don't get any choice if your husband's friend is providing a hotel. I had a similar situation when I agreed to spend a night out with a friend while we both visited the UK and happened to be in the same area at the same time - only he showed up with a brand new girlfriend I'd never met before and it was such an awkward situation as I was a 3rd wheel with two newly loved up people - I could only imagine it being ten times worse with a prolonged stay and possibly a woman who doesn't speak good English? Fingers crossed he doesn't decide to bring her along and your hubby has a great boy-time.

I don't think YABU.
When we lived in Thailand, we had a friend from Aus come to stay with us for a couple of weeks.
He got into the habit of going into the centre, finding a bar girl and bringing her back to our flat.
After the second time, I told him that he should grow up. If he wants to use the services of a clap riddled whore that's his choice, I just don't want my DD exposed to it.
I don't think our friendship has really ever properly recovered.