Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dh to give up golf for 1 saturday out of 4 to spend time as a family????

25 replies

poppiesmom · 26/11/2011 19:34

He play's golf and alway's has every saturday.... he does work hard 5 day's a week... as do i... we don't seem to do anything as a family other than holiday's..?? how do i get him to do this without sounding like a nagging wife...???

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 19:39

Just tell him. DH, you don't spend enough time with the family. Please spend at lease one Saturday per month with us. We could... (insert activity here).

I'm not meaning to be rude and please don't be offended, but just so you know, none of those apostrophes apart from don't are needed. You only need them when there's a letter missing or something belongs to someone, ie. can't (cannot), there's (there is), Wendy's (belonging to Wendy). Please don't be offended, this is just in case you weren't sure. :)

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 19:40

least! Grin Sorry!

scarlettsmummy2 · 26/11/2011 19:43

tell him he is being totally unreasonable and it is pissing you off. I wouldn't care about being seen as a nagging wife!

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 26/11/2011 19:48

God, don't feel guilty! I thought you meant from your title that he only plays golf one week out of four!
Of course he should dedicate some of his weekend time to your family! He should bloody want to!

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 26/11/2011 19:49

LoopyLoops is going to tell me off for my superfluous exclamation marks....! : -)

kotuku · 26/11/2011 19:53

What does he do on sunday?

GnomeDePlume · 26/11/2011 19:53

Ask him if it would be reasonable for you to go off every single Saturday to do something totally self absorbed. Lots of people work hard and still manage to spend weekends with their families.

Golf is a very expensive luxury not a right.

Original poster
poppiesmom · 26/11/2011 20:00

:)

OP posts:
Original poster
poppiesmom · 26/11/2011 20:04

On a sunday... his day with our daughter... Not me as well... He take's her to feed horses see her god mother where she spends time with her children and dd... he spend time talking to his best friend (god father)... Then he will come home watch the football rugby, golf ... all of them all afternoon.... His quality time ... AGAIN... Am i bonker's.... am i nagging????

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 26/11/2011 20:14

What do you do in the week?

You wont get any support from me over this - Im very big on men out of the house playing sports so I get P&Q! Grin Preferably whilst taking the mancubs with him ....

In seriousness, everyone relationships are different, what works for one couple doesnt work for another. If you are feeling neglected because you have little couple time then that is a recipe for disaster.

We never did family things at weekends, simply because he was a far better baby/toddler parent than I ever was and he liked doing the park, sports etc with the kids. I hated it. Im a much better teen parent because I need the articulated feedback. Plus we have wildly differring interests. His idea of hell would be me dragging him round a museum; my idea of hell would be trundling off to Lords to watch some blokes rubbing their googlies Grin

And being outnubered 4-1 in this house - sky sports is wall to wall.

kotuku · 26/11/2011 20:17

I would tell him you feel you would like more family time at the weekends and see waht he says. If he is totally against giving up golf, could you change the routine on sundays sometimes? For example after they feed the horses you all do something together with the agreement of no watching sport? Do they have to see her god mother every week?

Original poster
poppiesmom · 26/11/2011 20:25

WE have been together 16 year's...i have two boy's from a previous marriage 21 and 18... I've never really bothered about it 2 much to be honest.... the boy's were my responsibility so anything he did with them was just fantastic... we'll a few time's maybe... But honestly.... i'm a childminder... so work at home in isolation all week.... it would be nice to do something with our 5 year old daughter together... i wouldn't want to stop him paying... or i play golf... or spend every saturday on my own... Just to be a family... :(

OP posts:
moondog · 26/11/2011 20:30

Leave out the bloody apostrophes!!!

squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 20:34

I dont understand why he chooses to spend Sunday with his daughter only, and excluding you?

Original poster
poppiesmom · 26/11/2011 20:41

i think I've just let him have his own way 2 much... if i say anything he doesn't want to hear i'm nagging... maybe hes bored with the sound of my voice... maybe i should write him a letter... ??

OP posts:
TheRepublicOfDreams · 26/11/2011 20:58

We are the same, only I work on Sundays and am a sahm during the week. My Dh would flip if I suggested he take a week off golf. Sigh.

Appuskidu · 26/11/2011 22:13

He's being a shit and presuming that the p/t way he behaved with his step children would be ok to continue with his own child- thus maintaining his me time. You need to ask him how he'd feel if you naffed off every Saturday to do your own thing.

Please, seriously-your apostophe thing has got to stop though-arghhhh!!!

twentyten · 26/11/2011 22:35

I feel for you. My dh loves golf but it keeps him sane and fit( also is my time out plan for retirement! My suggestion is to plan something he would like to do on a sat- try. Breaking the pattern. Maybe s visit to Santa that is only there on sat? Good luck !

AnonyMaw · 26/11/2011 22:56

YANBU, that would really annoy me. I think it's sad that he would rather play golf than spend time with his DD/family.

MenopausalHaze · 26/11/2011 23:00

I think the OP has apostrophe blindness. Or should that be blindnes's?

CarrieInAnotherTWOBabiTWINS · 26/11/2011 23:33

you need to tell him hes being a selfish prick

Pandemoniaa · 27/11/2011 00:39

Write him a letter by all means but please, lose the apostrophes! I'm now almost incapable of reading your perfectly valid points. Or, as I fear you might say "point's".

Dozer · 27/11/2011 07:24

There're other threads on here about cricket and golf husbands, might be worth a read. There tend to be different perspectives, but a broadly agred principle seems to be that both partners should have roughly equal leisure time, and that if one is feeling upset about the lack of couple or family time there's a problem.

You seem to get virtually no leisure time, whereas he gets two whole days a week (since the visit to the godparents is relaxation as his friend looks after your daughter), and there is no family time at all at the weekends.

He sounds like a bully, making you feel like a nag, excluding you and putting you down for raising totally legitimate issues.

Dozer · 27/11/2011 07:25

People, please stop picking over the grammar, the Op is readable, nothing else matters!

FredFredGeorge · 27/11/2011 07:53

poppiesmom You say he's with your DD on sundays without you - so you're doing something else with this time? Is it work? (either housework or paid) or is it your own time to do with as you want? If it's your own time then it seems a pretty reasonable situation, you get sunday, he gets saturday. Sure you don't get time together as "a family" but unless you actually have things to do as a family and want to that's not that important is it really?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread