to feel completely overwhelmed

[MaMattoo]

by going back to long hours at work. I work part time but have long hours, which means the 18 mo DS has a very long day as it goes to nursery with me. Work is demanding in terms of energy. The DS is going through coughs, colds and fevers which keep me and him awake in the night. when he is better he goes to nursery with me. when he is ill he stays at home with DH who can WFH. I come back from work to housework which seems to never end. Little time and energy left for a social life. DH and i have not been out with each other (only) since Feb this year.
Some part of me thinks this is not bad as he is helpful around the house and with the baby. But I feel overwhelmed by the demands on my emotional, physical, mental resources. Feel tired at all times and feel no motivation whatsoever to do anything, feel quite tearful too (not pregnant and not ttc)..AIBU to feel like this?
PS. I did have a very stressful summer as I went through redundancy at work and several interviews/ Union meetings etc to fight to keep my job. I took it on the chin then and fought hard to keep my job..which i eventually did after 3months of fighting and stress.

Sounds like you haven't got the balance right. Early years with children, broken nights, holding down a job and all the other stresses of life are not easy for anyone. But 'housework which never seems to end' can and should be shared. Cleaners are a good option if you can afford them. As for a social life, you need to diarise it or there is a danger that life steamrollers over it. Holidays and time out in general is important. Take advantage of offers from friends and relatives rather than soldiering on. Use leave from work rather than saving it up or thinking people can't do without you. And if you're sick... you're sick. Stress is an illness just as flu is an illness so, if you're feeling tearful all the time etc., see your GP.

Having the redundancy process go on, even if eventually you get kept on and having to fight for your right to stay there, is incredibly stressful. I suspect you held it altogether during that time, and now you are exhausted and burnt out.

You may just be having a bit of a miserable dip, or you may be depressed. I can't tell from what you say- if this goes on for a while, or you are having really dark thoughts, go to the docs and tell them how you feel.

However, it may just be delayed reaction from all the stress you have been under, and the broken nights. I have found both situations really tire you out. Have you talked with your partner about it? I would also share it with some RL friends and you might find that letting out the stress, having a good cry, helps you to draw a line under what happened at work and get back to being more like your old self.

yanbu

I just spent my 1st week back in work being tearful - but was additionally tearful as have taken vol redundancy (am happy as good redundancy package and opportunity to take a different direction) and got all nostalgic about leaving at xmas (had to remind myself of all the crap I used to moan about!)

I think the feelings are normal plus your redundancy issues and returning to a workplace that has been impacted by redundancy...

Poor you, you sound very low. Personally, I don't think the way you feel is necessarily about your working hours but may be a residue from all the stress you've obviously had in fighting to retain your job. Going back to work is hard and I imagine your working day at a nursery is very tiring, you are also probably constantly fighting all the various viruses and infections floating about.

Can you and your DH work out a better housework schedule that gives you a bit more r&r time? Also, can you plan some nice outings for the 3 of you to enjoy when you are not working?

I work full-time in a demanding job while DS is with CM and am preggers with no.2 and whilst I am tired a lot of the time, I don't feel overwhelmed. This is why I think the way you feel is not necessarily about your hours but something else. Sorry if I'm off the mark.

Thanks for the feedback. I dont work at the nursery but am an academic..driving to work and back with DS means we have long days as I get in at 8 and leave at 6..DS gets tired and irritable because of the length of the day. I come back to feeding him, cooking dinner and tidying up from the morning. DH gives him a bath and puts him to sleep. but when he is sick he wants mummy..and so its been 3 long weeks of being up in the night and back to back to back lectures in the day.
I dont know if i am depressed..but no dark thoughts. Just this all encompassing..blanket of exhaustion. there are things to do in the house and at work that I am unable to now manage..they pile up and bug me.
DH also gets tired and prefers to rest on weekends..so we really roll from one weekend of work to another without any 'nice activities'. DS and I spend the two days we are home doing stuff around the house, attending a toy library session and going for longish walks when the weather is good.
But..i cant seem to shift this low feeling. and this feeling of incapability to handle everything..and continue like this. Overwhelmed is the only way to describe it.

No wonder you are overwhelmed, it's a very tiring schedule.
Can you and DH discuss how you can make it easier?
On the other hand I have a few practical tips as I have felt like you and know that it spreads a gloomy glumness over life.

1. with DP look ahead and plan a weekend away, Travelodge have offers all the time. If you are a bit more flush go to Center Parcs or a nice cottage. Book it now
2. again with DP plan a night out leading up to and again over Christmas. You will roll your eyes and say but Im too tired, just get ready and make yourself feel good however that works for you. (used to be the full on glam slap when I was party girl but now wearing my fave outfit and jewellery is enough)
3. take some iron, I have Spatone daily. GP says I'm not anaemic but it has helped no end. Also get a good multivitamin and Co Enzyme Q10. They helped me after I had pleurisy and pneumonia 3 times in one year
4. every day have a nap, if only for 5 mins
5. again every day a treat, your fave cuppa or cake
6. in a great fan of mindfulness, it just brings a window of calm into your day Be nice to yourself, you are doing a lot, say to yourself I am a strong and capable woman every day, it fed odd at first but really helps. Sorry for the saga, I have only in middle age found a way of coping with this exhausted feeling and want to help Blesssings EM On IPhone so excuse typos etc

Sorry, I misunderstood in thinking you worked at the nursery your DS goes to! Broken nights and working days are very hard and I'm not at all surprised that you are exhausted. Can your DH cook and clear up on your working days so that you can just spend time with your DS? Also, I think your DH needs to step up at weekends too tbh. I'm sure we'd all love to rest all weekend but that don't happen when you're a parent! Either take it in turns (DP is swimming with DS atm) or do something all together, walks in the park are more enjoyable that way. It does sound like a lot of the responsibility for DS is on you, do you and DH take turns at having lie-ins at weekend?
I have only coped with juggling work and parenthood with expecting and (usually) getting more help from DP.

Could you switch to a childminder? That would give your son a more natural rhythm to his day. He can still go to the shops, the library and the park and mix with other children, too. His day would seem less long, I think, too, if your husband could take him/pick him up.

It would be great if you could manage to pay for a cleaner on one of the days you are working. It would make things feel more manageable and you wouldn't feel as though you have to spend your valuable free time doing chores.