Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just quit my job, rather than fought my corner?

29 replies

designerbaby · 25/11/2011 18:52

I've been working at a big design agency for nine years, during which time I've had two stretches if mat leave - came back from the last one in January and have been working part time (variously 3 or 4 days a week) since 2008. I have just quit to work freelance.

There's no one reason, commutes, lack of flexibility etc. but all of the small issues would have been manageable (or put-up-with-able) if I still felt valued as a senior creative.

Basically it is a very busy agency, and quite chaotic much if the time, and bit by bit I've been effectively sidelined. Before children I was working on the top accounts, being creative lead, basically at the top of my game.

IncreasIngly I have been given smaller, less creative projects, and decisions about my work are often made in my absence (only ever one day at a time) which feels disrespectful and frustrating. I'm working at the level I wax at ten years or more ago.

There have been numerous conversations about how my skills and 15 years experience might better be used, but they come to nothing despite my best efforts to make it happen. I just don't think there was the appetite to make it happen, it would take more effort and organisation than people are willing to put in.

So I've quit. I'm the last female senior creative, it leaves a creative team of 24 blokes and 2 very junior girls.

A colleague from another dept. heard that I've handed in my notice, and says that I should have fought harder and that it sets a bad precedent for the future...

I'm just tired and fed up, and a bit hurt that after 9 years (award-winning) service they couldn't be arsed to use my skills properly and just want to get out.

I'll probably earn more doing my own thing, and have far greater flexibility around my girls' needs but I will miss the studio and being part of a team.

AIBU to just have quit? Should I have fought harder for the sake of other women in my position?

Feeling a bit low about the whole thing at the mo...

db
xx

OP posts:
Original poster
designerbaby · 25/11/2011 18:56

Sorry for all the typos... On iPhone...

Should probably mention that by quitting I have also forfeited my right to a second LLP earnout - a possible 30-40k. But I'd have had to stay another 18 months, and honestly, I just didn't have it in me... Sad

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 25/11/2011 18:56

No
You did what was right for you
The others who muttered to you can take up the cause for the other two girls if they want

runningwilde · 25/11/2011 18:57

Firstly I just want to say big hugs

It is horrible that they didn't value you like they should have but you know what? Screw em! Know your talent and build up your freelancing. I am a freelance copywriter and love being able to work around my children. You will be fine and it's normal to feel the way you do after nine years.

Good luck!

aquashiv · 25/11/2011 18:58

I'll probably earn more doing my own thing, and have far greater flexibility around my girls' needs but I will miss the studio and being part of a team.

The very best thing I ever did with my life is work for myself. If you are good you will never look back. Start your own company and do it better your way.
They are mad to have let you go but its their loss. Move on and be proud of what you have done.

runningwilde · 25/11/2011 18:59

Oh and op, do you want to exchange details if you ever need a writer for projects?

Original poster
designerbaby · 25/11/2011 20:27

Thanks for the support and yes runningwilde - can you pm me?

In short, I'm pretty confident that FOR ME I've done the right thing, but my friend did strike a chord...

She said that it's not acceptable for women working part time, returning from marbleave to be sidelined like this. They've accepted part time working, they should implement it properly, and give people the respect due. She also said it was unacceptable that I haven't had a pay rise in 6 years.

She said if all women who have been sidelined, and effectively demoted after children just bow quietly out and don't try to change things then it's bad news for women in the workplace.

I appreciate that I am fortunate in they my DH earns an alright salary (not huge - he works for a charity) and we can cover the bills/mortgage even if I don't earn much for a bit while I establish myself we won't go under. Also being quite senior, by freelance options are pretty good.

But not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Many women won't have those options...

So am I doing working mothers a disservice?

db
xx

OP posts:
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 25/11/2011 20:30

It's also not acceptable for your friend to make you feel bad about your decision. You've done what you wanted to do, what's best for you, and your DC. Why on EARTH should you have to worry about hypothetical "other mothers" or "the future of working mothers"? They won't give a flying fuck about you. If it bothers your friend that much, let her campaign. You're not here to do what's best for other people, you are here to look after your family and yourself and get on with your life in your own way.

runningwilde · 25/11/2011 21:13

Agree with pombear. You have to do what is right for you

Your workplace dis behave like shits though - and it is apalling how you jaw been disrespected x

I'll pm you too x

afussyphase · 25/11/2011 21:37

I think it's a hard balance between fighting for the broader picture and doing what's best for you in the shorter term but it sounds like you did what you actually needed to do - in the end it is their loss. And it's great that it sounds like you won't hurt too much financially. I'm at a big university and have just found out that the career progression is much worse than what I was told it would be when we were negotiating the offer (not in writing - typically they wouldn't actually commit to any promotions of course, but the point is now suddenly there seem to be 'rules' that I can't even go up for promotion!). I've also just had a mat leave. Kind of cynically this all leaves me wondering: would they do this to a hot new male hire? I'm in a male-dominated field too. Hmph. I could move or threaten to move but university jobs aren't exactly a dime a dozen. And we just bought a house! Anyway - do what you have to do. Let them manage without your brilliant input. There were things in the news recently about companies with fewer women at the top not doing as well ...

TadlowDogIncident · 25/11/2011 21:37

YANBU. People who make a stand on behalf of other women often wreck their own lives in the process, and no-one has the right to tell you that you have to do that. If your friend feels so strongly it's up to her to make a fuss, frankly. And if she won't, then she's got some nerve telling you that you ought to have put up with being miserable for the sake of other women. In the end, no-one says men who do what's right for them are doing men in general a disservice.

I'm very very sorry that your employers are so crap though. Their loss, but it's rotten for you.

northerngirl41 · 25/11/2011 22:08

I think you've done entirely the right thing - it isn't fair to expect them to be able to give you the same level of responsibility as someone who is there full-time. That's just not the way business works. So you've done what works for you and personally I think that's the right decision. You'll earn more, you can have the flexibility you want, it gives you control back.

ShengdanRoad · 26/11/2011 05:45

You've made the right choice. You can do so much better on your own, in total control of your work and lifestyle.

Speaking from experience, the day I went freelance was a new lease of life for my career.

ZonkedOut · 26/11/2011 06:31

It's not acceptable that you were in that situation, but that is their problem, and you have done what's best for you.

It sounds like you've already tried the fighting thing and got nowhere, maybe you leaving will make them realize what they'be lost more than you staying and fighting would anyway, who knows?

Good luck with your freelance career!

izzywhizzysmincepies · 26/11/2011 06:34

15 years? You should have made partner.

Hope you took the client list home with you after your leaving do Grin

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 26/11/2011 06:44

Don't feel bad at all, you did what you needed to do for yourself and your family.

Concentrate on setting up by yourself - who knows where your business could take you? In 5 years time you might have a hardworking flexible team of mums working from home as part of your business. And you'll remember the treatment you had and make sure others are treated fairly.

They also say that working mothers employed by sympathetic managers have a greater sense of loyalty and commitment. I was thankful to have the most wonderful female role model during the early stages of my career, and am still in awe of her, and ask "what would X do?" when in certain situations.

If you are feeling mistreated in relation to your prospects there on a more personal level could you not speak to CAB or an employment advisor?

Dozer · 26/11/2011 07:02

Your friend is being unfair, but think it would've been a good idea to sort out another job or make sure freelance /self-employed work was promising before jumping ship. By quitting, you've taken a big risk. Often risks do work out though!

Dozer · 26/11/2011 07:03

Another option could be to find a job in another, more progressive firm? May have to be full-time initially though.

Proudnscary · 26/11/2011 07:21

Yes you have taken a big risk by leaving but it's your life, your decision. Stick by your decision and feel good about it.

The only thing I'd say is that it sounds like a classic case of management pushing you out of your job - and you quitting (without redundancy or compensation) is exactly what they were hoping for.

I think you could have taken all your grievances to HR and struck a deal and come away with a good pay off. Especially if all you say is true about being sidelined etc.

Anyhow, I bet you feel relieved having made this decision and all the best of luck with freelancing and in the future maybe finding a more satisfying and less chaotic/stressful job x

Catslikehats · 26/11/2011 07:32

You have to look out for yourself in these circumstances. And you have.

Don't waste time worrying about what your friend said - it is easy to spout hypothetical bullshit when you are not in the position yourself.

RedHelenB · 26/11/2011 08:32

Just make sure that you treat any empolyees you have more fairly!!!

ViviPru · 26/11/2011 08:56

The Joys of Freelancing by ViviPru:

Not having to deal with office bullshit (incl. one-upmanship, boring chit-chat, leaving/birthday collections etc etc)

I save a fortune saved that I would have spent in Costa

My view from the window is of woodpeckers on my bird feeder not some cruddy city street or industrial estate

My biggest irritant is my hounds flatulence, which in actual fact I quite enjoy

I get to be in my favourite place most of the time - home, lovely beautiful perfect home.

I don't have to think about what to wear every day

I earn shitloads more because there are so fewer deductions. Get a good accountant and become a Ltd. Best move I ever made.

Flat Rate Vat. Its awesome. Look into it.

I'd never go back. And why the hell should you 'blaze a trail'? Blaze a trail to what? Toiling in some office somewhere as a wage slave? You did the right think OP. You'll look back at this as the best decision you ever made.

ViviPru · 26/11/2011 08:57

right thing*

HoudiniHissy · 26/11/2011 15:52

I worked in Design myself for 15 years. Suit side. It's a tough business and I don't miss the corporate BS, the bullying the ineptitude of Snr Management, and the tantrums of clients/precious designers.

I second going freelancing, you get to work on what YOU want to do and can create your own work persona.

You won't look back. This is your life and your career. You know what is important to you, so cherish it.

All the very best love!

maybenow · 26/11/2011 16:01

you have done the right thing for you, but if i were you i'd still feel a teensy bit guity (not that you should) - i wonder if you can do something to assuage that and help out... maybe become a mentor for younger women? get involved in a 'women in business' group... start a support/networking group for female creatives so that when they reach your stage in life they have a support group?

thomasbodley · 26/11/2011 16:07

Oh God, you are me in about five years time. Even similar profession etc. You can find my thread on Employment. I can't read it any more - it just makes me depressed.

You did what was best for you. Don't ever regret that.