I've completely failed and set my child up for social problems later on..

[difficulttimes]

as a mother, I have a 2 year old

UYnfortunately he has no kids his age in my family , my dp's or in out friends and has missed out on this. Also I have been very ill for basically all of his early life.

(Heamorraghed in birth then had implant which rected badly to my body bled all the time had to have pill too, I couldnt take it out as I got preg on the pill and couldnt risk that still living with a parent. spends so long being tested for anaemia etc.

so I didnt always have the energy to go to groups , I went to them sometimes but some days I was just too ill.

I am trying to rectify this he goes to nursery, is coming on but last time I was there a staff member noted,

'doesnt speak much' (true) and when my dp told her hes had limited access to other kids his age , was like
'well that explains why he's very quiet and doesn't know what to do' what have I done to my child??

AIBU to think he will have so many problems becasue of his early years??

Don't worry my 2 and a half year old son barely spoke, even with us doing stuff with other kids and going to toddler groups.
He is 13 now and talks to everyone, he's not shy and I think he talks more than about ten teenage girls put together!

Don't feel bad for being too poorly to do some of the things you wanted to. Its not your fault.
When he's older he won't be annoyed he missed out on toddlers groups, they are often crap anyway and they rarely give out biscuits anyways now, the main reason for going its usually fruit.
He'll grow up knowing you did your best for him and be a thoughtful, understanding adult.

I have a dd nearly two who is very quiet when out. Takes her weeks and weeks to get used to a place/person. It is just how she is, a very shy little girl. Once she gets to know someone, the chattiness is deafening.

As for the socialising helping, she has a 3 yr old sister and a twin brother. Never alone, even for a minute, she has gone to toddler groups from 6 wks old and has always been like it.

The only time she gets really animated straight away is when she is with animals. She is like a different child.

Honestly, don't worry. If you are beating yourself up, maybe try a toddler group so you can see for yourself?

I really doubt that anything you have or havent done has caused any problem at all.

Two of my children who had alot of interaction with other children and are two of four children ( so not lacking in social interaction) had speech and development delays and needed speech therapy and play workers etc. the other two who had the exact same upbringing didnt. Some children just do things later and differently.

Thankyou all

he's just 2 , 26 months

Maybe I do need to calm down and its the guilt talking.
I hear alot of women going on about how much they get done in the house, looking after kids at the same time etc, I often dont have alot of energy and I feel guilty at the slightest thing.

My DS was very quiet and shy when he started nursery and I can now see from pictures they took that he was always holding his cuddly toy what ever he was doing . He did two afternoons a week for two years before starting school . During the second year he really came out of his shell and became more outgoing and confident and even more so in reception year at school. He didn't really speak much untill 2+ y ( but has two languages) and I did worry but turned out fine and is now a very chatty and sosiable almost 7 y. In his early years he grew up without siblings but we did a lot of music etc classes and groups and saw friend so did mix with other kids his age so that couldn't have been the reason. I guess he just was a bit shy and trying to learn the two languages. I think you have nothing to worry about ! You're son is still very little . He'll be fine :) besides 2 y don't yet play with other children but beside them . They only start interacting more around 3y .

Just wanted to chip in alongside others: It doesn't sound like you've got anything to worry about - except maybe a slightly silly remark from nursery worker.
Lots of 2 y.os. are a little quiet and shy - it's OK.

My ds is now 4.3.

I duitifully went to baby/toddler groups, monkey music etc, he hated it, so did I, I was miserable there.

Dd arrived so I stopped going. He didn't speak at all until he was three. He was painfully shy and struggled with any socialisation.

He's now 4.3 in full time primary school and talking like me or you, he can read most simple words and write, he's happy popular and confident. He wasn't ready before, now he is. Be gentle on yourself xx

I also had a difficult birth, difficulttimes, and though my problems were mental rather than physical I felt terribly guilty that I had somehow failed my son by not being able to look after him in the early months. I never went to any groups at all because I couldn't bear to be around other people. My son had no regular contact with Other People until he was a year old. I was terrified that I had somehow damaged him.

He is nearly six now, and fine, very happy and confident. What matters is that you love your son and he knows that. Sometimes children are a lot cleverer than the adults around them. I bet your son knows that you love him and you do your best with him and that is all ANY of us can do.

As to women going on about how much they do, well, bollocks to that, if they want to run around all day like headless chickens then that's their problem. :) Nothing laudable about it.

Please don't worry! My DS2 hardly said a word until he was well over 3 and wasn't interested in other kids either ... they might pinch his trains, after all. DS1 spent all his time at pre-school pretending to be a leopard and growling at everyone who came too close. In spite of this they've both grown into cheerful, sociable sorts ... Be reassured by all the good vibes you're getting. Toddler groups are mainly for mums to one-up each other at, anyway.

My DS has always been a chatterbox BUT he was a late walker and the nursery used to comment on that and I was sure it was all my fault!

he has never been that sociable either - if he doesn't like what others are doing he'll go and happily play alone.

Also, at 26 months they don't really play together anyway. And a lot of kids aren't really talking by then

Kids come in all different ways - try not to worry - he is fine.

And my DD who is the youngest doesn't really talk - so having a sibling doesn't mean they do!

My DD was chatting to nineteen to the dozen when she was 2. Boys we knew of the same age hardly said a word.

But guess what? Within a couple of years they'd caught up! It just happens like that - some kids develop quickly, some more slowly. And your DS has loads of time to learn social skills. 2 is hardly any age at all really.

Ah diff, everyone beats themselves up over their child's progress. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know it seems easy for me to say but I was there too and I have dts so you would think, the two of them having each other, would mean plenty of chat.

I don't have any close family or friends so similar problems. I hope you're feeling better now, you're obviously a loving mummy and that is what truly matters. Your little boy, any child, flourishes with love and knowing they are loved.

My dts were very quiet always serious looking little babies, would talk their own language to each other - they are soon to be 10 now and never shut up!!!

My son is 2.6 and has been at nursery since he was about 13 months and the staff have just started to tell me that he's talking to everyone and coming out of his shell.