to think that a £10 donation for non-uniform day is OTT?

[stingymother]

DH dropped DC1 off at school this morning. third non-uniform day this term. i sent DC1 along with a pound. apparently other people were chucking in tenners. AIBU to think this is somewhat over the top?

(namechanged for this - first post in AIBU...)

And all that is obviously compulsory. God this sort of whinging pisses me off. Ok. Let's have school with no trips or treats. Let's not get the children involved with CIN or any other charity. Oh and perish the thought that the PTA should try to do anything to give the children some fun..........

But Hunty cat you don't have to buy the books from the book fair. Just say no and go to the library and use the money for food

I agree though that the school photos are a real rip off

Thing is - the dc saw EVERY ONE of their other friends treated to a book - and when I tried to tell them I didn't have enough money, they were actually VERY upset. I gave in - because how can I say to my dc that books aren't important. And to do two journeys to the library would actually have cost MORE than £18...there and back is actually £2 MORE.

School photos - the £33 was £11 each, for ONE photo each. And seeker - it's NOT that I am saying that I don't WANT the school to do anything like this - but to do it all at once is just too much when you are on a low income. I also have ANOTHER non-uniform day next week AND their Christmas Fair. Which the DC want to support, as do I, but when they condense everything into a 2-week period like this, it's difficult to find the money.

Yes I see Hunty. It must be very difficult. do you have to use public transport to go to the library. I think that books are important and I hope you DC enjoy them. Do you have any family that help you out financially?

Another non uniform day seems a bit excessive.

In some ways it gets easier at secondary school as the photos are done online and no one has asked me for their photo this time. They don't seem too bothered.

There is nothing worng with donating a tenner to support your child's school, I can't believe anyone would object to it. It does go towards helping your child!

And why should the children that bring in a tenner have to be sneaky about it so that others don't feel like they are 'having their noses rubbed in it'?

The parents that donated the tenner could have had a long conversation about not boasting, and about giving more because they are lucky enough to be able to afford more etc etc. They are not doing any thing wrong. They are not waving the tenner in front of another child nose shouting 'nah nah - I get to donate more money than you'.

They are making a generous donation. That is a good thing. Do you really think those parents gave a tenner just to make you feel bad, or do you think that just maybe, they wanted to support their child's school?

Depends if it is compulsory or not. DS's school always charge £1. Up to different people if they want to put more in. But conspicious giving like that always annoys me.

Can't bear conspicuous giving. put a pound in like everyone else, then hand the tenner into the office later. in a school like ours, a tenner is a very large sum of money to many families. With the best will in the world it would be hard not to feel sad/jealous/angry/inadequate if you couldn't put a note in the bucket. and it's considerate and courteous not to do anything that might make someone else feel bad.

I can't understand how you can even think that giving £10 or any amount to charity is Unreasonable? Surely the more the better as far as the charity and everyone who benefits from it is concerned.
I just don't get it........at DS's school the recommended amount is £1 and that is what the vast majority give, but IMO those who give more are being generous not unreasonable - not that it is any of mine or anyone elses business what they give!

No problem with giving a tenner. Big problem with giving a tenner in front of people for whom that's a significant chunk of their weekly budget.

Why do you have a big problem with it though? I don't get it.

I couldn't affor to give a tenner, but if I saw someone else doing it, I'd probably think 'Oh, that's nice. That person is being very generous' and then give it no more thought whatsoever.

If you have a problem with it, then that probebly says more about the way you feel about your finances than it does about anyone else. The person that gave a tenner probebly just decided to give more without more than three seconds thought into it, and I very much doubt they thought anyone else would be so sensitive that they would take offence at an action that has bugger all to do with them.

If anything, handing in ten pounds to the office separately is doing more to draw attention to the fact that you were giving extra. I'd feel embarrassed going into our school secretary and saying 'I wanted to give more but I'm worried other people would feel bad about themselves, so I'd rather give it to you privately'. That would be like saying you think other people actually have something to feel bad about when they obviosuly don't.

I dont see why those giving more than a £1 should be forced to do so in private either. Maybe they cant go to the fair so are putting in more to compensate for that, maybe they want the PTA to have a good amount for prizes etc.

How can supporting the school by donating extra "be over the top"?

Wow the school we use asks 50p and says "if possible" after the request. Difference in area maybe!
I dont buy from things like book fairs its too expensive and books are cheaper elsewhere. If i saw someine donating £10 instead on 50p i would probably either think " wow they have ALOT of children " or "oh" and move on.

Fair enough. I value tact, sensitivity and good manners. Obviously I am in a minority.

It's funny, because reading your posts over the last few days on various posts seeker I wasn't aware that you valued all those things . Being forthright and standing up for what you believe in and not being afraid to say what you think? That comes across, but tact and sensitivity? Umm, not so much!

There will always be people with more money or less money than you/us. We all have to get used to it and I think it's a more useful life lessen for children to learn that everyone has different lives, different priorities and different attitudes to money. Teaching children not to judge others by how much or little they donate would, in my opinion, be better than making a point of giving a slightly larger than average donation in to the office.

"lessen"? Should have paid more attentions in lessons, obviously.

Yes, not only do I have to use public transport to get my dc to school, and to get to ANY shops, I also have to use public transport to get to the library. And, being outside London, we get charged for all dc over 5yo on the bus.

Interested in where I have been tactless and insensitive! There is a huge difference between stating your views on an internet forum and dropping a tenner into a charity bucket in an area where single pounds are hard to come by. If you can't see that, I don't think I'm prepared to have my level of tact and sensitivity judged by you!

YABU. Just give what you like/can afford.

Why should people who can afford to give a bit more traipse into school and privately give the extra 9 pounds? It will benefit everyone's children if it's for the school.

It'd be bad form to shout loudly 'I'm putting my 10 pounds in now', but otherwise I'd just think it was great that the school was getting 10 pounds.

If you live in an area where a tenner is a large amount of money then surely you'd be bloody delighted that some people were generous enough and able to make such a donation to benefit each and every child.

I am gobsmacked some people are getting catsarsedmouthed about other parents helping out their children.

We gave a cheque for £300 to the school last year . Because it's a wonderful school and because we can and want to.
If I had parents like you bleating about it, seeker I'd have blown it on Bolly instead.