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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents being Facebook friends with teachers

32 replies

Oggy · 24/11/2011 10:16

Am I being unreasonable to think it is a bit inappropriate for a teacher to be Facebook friends with parents of pupils currently in their class?

My daughter's teacher has several Facebook friends that are parents of children in her class. I think it is a bit weird, she's not even a dormant friend as it were but comments regularly on statuses.

I have no specific concerns like favoritism or her saying things she shouldn't to these parent friends, it's just a general feeling of it doesn't seem right really.

Am I being totally uptight about it? I have no intention of doing or saying anything to anyone by the way, it just seemed that so many were friends with th teacher that I started to wonder whether it is me being out of touch with the times or not.

What do people think?

Sorry if this has come up before, haven't seen anything personally, may have missed it.

OP posts:

shesparkles · 24/11/2011 10:18

Any teachers I know are strongly advised against it, so no, I don't think you're being uptight

Firawla · 24/11/2011 10:18

i thought generally schools dont let them do that

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 24/11/2011 10:19

I have loads of my kids teachers on bookface, it's not an issue.

shoobydoowop · 24/11/2011 10:21

YANBU I dont understand why parents would want to let teachers in to their personal lives anyway

candr · 24/11/2011 10:22

I don't do it and schools frown upon it unless you really are friends out of school, besides wouldn't want the ids reading what all my friends put on their status - good to keep a bit of your life out of the classroom.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 24/11/2011 10:31

DH is a teacher. Apart from being vehemently opposed to FB personally, his school has a policy against it.
The policy was drawn up for a specific reason, but it seems sensible to me.

Traceymac2 · 24/11/2011 10:38

I am not a face book fan anyway but yes I think it's innappropriate. Surely there have to be professional boundaries between a teacher and the parents. They are not friends and if difficult issues arise with kids and parents this could complicate things when dealing with issues. As a nurse this would be inappropriate and I think it is the same for many professions.

2blessed2bstressed · 24/11/2011 10:39

I am FB friends with some of the learning support staff and admin staff at ds's school, because I am friends with them in "real life" too, but not with any of the teachers, although I would consider a couple of them to be friends. I think the school does have a policy discouraging it, and I'm not so desperate for FB friends that I would want them to flout it!

complexnumber · 24/11/2011 10:55

I think I am missing something here, how on earth can one set of adults tell another adult 'you can't be friends with that person'?

Lucyinthepie · 24/11/2011 11:06

It's about professional conduct. Ask the school for a copy of their acceptable use policy. I have been involved in several disciplinaries where teachers have unthinkingly posted something on their personal Facebook that has been seen by parents or pupils and caused offence, teachers need to think extremely carefully about this. They will have signed something saying that they must not carry out any actions that might bring the school into disrepute. Moaning about their treatment at work on Facebook could be deemed to be in that category for example. It's not worth the risk of being found to be guilty of misconduct or gross misconduct.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 24/11/2011 11:27

Agree with Lucyinthepie, its about professional conduct. A friend of mine who is a teacher posted photos of a drunken night out (mid week) and some of their friends made lewd comments on their wall. Cue complaint to the school from one of the parents who was also friends with teacher about possibility of being hungover in charge of children. Obviously you should not be hungover in charge of children but as a teacher you have to be very careful what you are prepared to divulge about your personal lives. I guess the olden day equivalent before internet would be a teacher bragging at the school gates about a drunken night out. That would not be seen as acceptable behaviour from the school's point of view or the parents.

I know a lot of teachers and most of their schools have a blanket ban on teachers being friends on FB with parents of the school children.

Original poster

Oggy · 24/11/2011 12:20

complexnumber: I don't think anyone is saying they can't be actual friends, people are just talking about Facebook friends. You can be actual friends without being Facebook friends.

And FWIW I wasn't suggesting a ban on it personally, just saying I found it a bit inappropriate personally and it didn't feel right.

For my part it does make me think even more carefully about what I post on there because even though I am not personally "friends" with that teacher I know that if other of my friends that is "friends" with her comment on one of my posts or pictures that will then become visible to that teacher so the whole thing does effect others that aren't even directly "friends" with that teacher themselves (if that even made sense).

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 24/11/2011 12:32

But then why, if you're actual 'real life' friends, is it any less professional or odd to then be Facebook friends with someone?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 24/11/2011 12:36

I think that is the point Flisspaps, you should only be friends with people on FB who you are actually friends with in real life. Too many people try and outdo each other with how many FB friends they have when they are not actually friends with half of them.

Flisspaps · 24/11/2011 12:42

I was responding to Oggy's comment: You can be actual friends without being Facebook friends.

That read to me as if she thought it was fine for the teacher to be RL friends with these parents - but not RL friends AND FB friends (to me it didn't read in that particular post that she was referring to JUST being FB friends).

That just seemed a bit odd to me.

TroublesomeEx · 24/11/2011 12:43

What happens though if the teacher has a child at the school (as is the case at our school) where the teacher knows the parents in a private and professional capacity?

It also depends on how people use FB. I would never moan about work/friends/or get political on FB. My friends and I tend to share what we and our families are doing (interesting stuff though ) and catch up.

FourThousandHoles · 24/11/2011 12:48

I think it's inappropriate

I am fb friends with the school secretary but only because her ds is the same age as dd1 and they were at nursery together back in the day, and we used to chat at parties etc

I'm also fb friends with some of the staff at dd2's nursery, but we added one another after dd1 left the same nursery (before dd2 was even considered) so that they could keep up with dd1's progress. I am rl friends with some of them now anyway as they have children similar ages to mine, so fine. They are very careful about what they post though.

Original poster

Oggy · 24/11/2011 12:50

Flisspaps: I guess because of the social networking element of it, the fact that what is said between you (unless inboxed) and between other mutual friends can then find its way to other people in a way that a private conversation between two friends over a cup of coffee doesn't.

Like I admitted in my OP, I don't have something concrete that I specifically object to but I guess what I said above is probably a factor.

OP posts:

Pandemoniaa · 24/11/2011 13:01

I've got teacher friends who wouldn't touch Facebook with a bargepole. Their schools are equally underwhelmed with it and while they cannot ban staff from using Facebook it is actively discouraged.

YANBU, OP since I really do think Facebook can cause enormous problems with the personal and professional get mixed up in it.

beingarebel · 24/11/2011 13:17

I think it wrong tbh and I think the school would have some guidance on this. Even private companies now have guidance on this. Mixing personal and work life has always been full of peril and FB just makes it easier for it to go tits up.

SENPARENT · 09/12/2016 21:00

No you are not being unreasonable. It is inappropriate and unprofessional and the majority of teachers would not put themselves in this position.

Boundaries · 09/12/2016 21:08

Mixing your professional and personal life on the internet leaves you wide open to all sorts of things.

We are advised to ensure that we can't even be found on FB by students.

hels71 · 09/12/2016 21:09

I am friends on FB with my daughter's teacher. However i have been friends and colleagues with her in real life since before my daughter was even born..

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/12/2016 21:11

I also think it is inappropriate (for what of a less pompous) word, and can't understand why teachers would even want parents as friends on FB. I could understand it if they were friend well before the school relationship started, but even then I feel as if it's pushing professional boundaries.

And professional boundaries are put in place for a reason in all sorts of jobs.

But then I would never even comment on a news story, as I wouldn't want my 'thoughts' coming up in other people's feeds - whereas the vast majority of people have absolutely zero qualms about coming across as trollish twats to all and sundry, so my thoughts are probably out of touch.

Spottytop1 · 09/12/2016 21:13

It is severely frowned upon in schools I have been in to be friends with parents on FB. It is definitely not something I would do.

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