Pre prep Nursery: Boys will be boys??

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

DS has just had his 4th birthday and is in the Pre prep nursery for 2-4 year olds. They spend lots of time outside and up trees, they are very keen to let boys be boys etc.

DS is a real boy so seemed a good choice BUT he is coming home most days with scratches to his face, bumps etc. I have raised this with his teacher who says its 6 of 1 half a dozen of another etc... and I 100% believe her! The trouble is I don't like it and its really worrying me sending my 2 year old as it seems exceptable to be bostrious etc and a 2 year old can't stick up for himself in the same way. Equally I don't allow my older DS to behave in an agressive way or be treated badly by another child.

WDYT??

He's a real boy as opposed to a plastic one?

Oh you know what I mean!

If the bumps and scratches are arising from boisterous but friendly play (especially outside and up trees), and your DS is happy during playtime and enthusiastically joining in, then it's a non-problem as far as he is concerned.

A 2 year old is different to a child twice his age. I think you need to talk to the teacher again about how they supervise the younger ones, to ensure they don't get flattened (and are not going up trees!). But there may well still be bumps and scratches, if playtime equipment includes things like bikes, balls and climbing frames.

not sure what you are asking

is he getting bumps and scratches from being outdoors or from the other children attending?

and I'm confused about DS2

[scratches head]

Sorry better explain!
Older DS (4) says these bumps scratches are from child x, hence why I spoke to his teacher and she said it was 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other.......the other child does often lash out but DS seems to enjoy his company. The bumps/lumps seem to be mostly from other children not the environment.

DS2 was meant to be joining DS1 when he is 2 but I am now concerned as like you say I don't want him being flattened!

I agree boys should be boys in terms of climbing trees etc but I would not be happy about kids being so rough with each other and it may pose a problem for later in school if the boys think it is acceptable to be rough.

I would also be concerned about the 2 year old. I think I would be having a longer conversation with the nursery staff.

I think bumps and scratches due to exploring environment is ok.

Is he getting injured due to play fighting though? Tell your son he isn't allowed to play fighting games and encourage him to tell others this - then suggest a different game. I've done this with my son and it's been working for the last four months.After highlighting my new rule to the nursery, they seem to backing things up too. I don't think it's acceptable for boys to get away with being agressive because they are boys. Yes the genders are different but the teachers should really have an expectation of good behaviour from all children.

skybluepearl yes that is just how I feel. There seems to be a lot of physical role play, spider man etc. I think I need to go in again for a chat......

If they are actually physically injuring each other, that imo is not acceptable whatever gender they happen to be, they need to learn that that is not acceptable and the teacher should be able to control them, and make sure that they are not hurting each other. This may well be "boys being boys" but they should be learning that it's not on.

Way to reinforce gender stereotypes...

Is it a single sex nursery?

OP hasn't posted about girls behaviour, nor how the nursery deals with it (if there are any girls there). The incidents described relate to behaviour between boys. We would need more information to decide level of impact on girls.

I had thought from first reading OP that this was a play-based incident in a single sex environment, and would therefore have been largely unconcerned.

But if it is based on a child's behaviour, and actually hitting/scratching, then yes I would be concerned. There is a difference between play that involves silly bashing (annoying, needs to be tackled but not urgent IYSWIM) and the start of problem behaviour (urgent intervention required).

I'd continue the dialogue with the staff to work out why they believe it is the former, then decide if there reasons are credible. I would also look for an alternative school should the answers not be satisfactory or confidence-building.

Do tell them the reasons if you do leave (or enrol sibling elsewhere). It might not change their ethos, but it might make a difference if they know I is having an impact on their pupil numbers (and reputation).

Many thanks EdithWeston, a really helpful post.
Yes this is a mixed sex school.
Ds seems to be part of a group of 4 boys who always play together and whilst I am sure are fine most of the time, they clearly are getting too physical.

Part of the issue for me is that after lunch, the nursery, reception and Year 1 and 2 children share the playtime. The youngest 2 year olds wear yellow high vis jackets but the older nursery children all play with the rest of pre prep, so I expect the level of supervision needs to be higher as I can imagine this is where problems arise. I need to stress this when we talk again....thinking more about this is raising questions about how appropriate this is......

My ds is in a preschool where they have a lot of outdoor play-he is forever coming home with grazed knees. However, he has only once come home with scratches caused by another child, and this was dealt with very seriously. As much as I want him to have fun, enjoy imaginative and sometimes boisterous play, they also need to know where to draw the line. I'd speak to the staff again and find out what their policies are, and particularly what they do when play gets rough, and at lunch times

Sounds more like inadequate supervision/lack of boundaries than letting boys be boys imo. I would find the shoulder shrugging attitude of the nursery worrying to be honest when your child is regularly coming home injured. They should have a strategy in place to make sure it doesn't happen again - even if both boys are getting hurt equally.