Over protective feeding? Or normal thoughts of a bf mum?

[Newmummytobe79]

I posted this in breast/bottle feeding but know the response is quicker on AIBU and more honest (harsh!) ... so go for it!

I'm thinking about introducing a daytime formula feed (baby is 10 weeks old) -DC is breastfed throughout day and night with the exception of the bedtime bottle (formula) which DH gives.

I'm feeling nervous about giving up one daytime bf ... and want DC to take the bottle well from me first (won't take night-time one from me at the moment) ... but I'm worried about everyone wanting to feed DC the daytime bottle.

I know the in-laws are desparate to feed DC and wonder if you would just let them ... or wait until DC is settled with me doing it?

I don't know if my thoughts are very overprotective - or just normal for a bf mum?

Sure I'll be more than happy to hand DC over in the coming weeks for a feed -just struggling with the thought of it at the moment.

Please let me know your thoughts/experiences.

Thanks

Maybe you're over thinking it?

Your baby could take very naturally to the bottle and non of this will be a problem.

I'd wait and see if it's a problem or not before worrying about other people wanting to feed your DC.

Firstly Congratulations on your new baby, and what you're feeling is completely normal.

Personally I think you've done well to introduce one bottle for DH to give to baby to give him the opportunity to feed his baby.

I wouldn't introduce another as there is no need. Hard cheese if someone else wants to feed the baby. They can wait until he/she is older and they can feed them some food or a bottle at a later date when baby is in a routine of more than one bottle a day..

BF is best for baby, and unless you want to give it up (which it doesn't sound like) carry on BF. Much less hassle then Formula feeding. (and I've done both)

Your baby is still very young and I'd be surprised if he/she would take a bottle from you at all if Breast milk is available- babies aren't daft.

Do you have a boy or girl?

With dd, I expressed a bottle of milk once so that dh and I could go for lunch. She was 12 weeks. I came back and my Mum was feeding dd and I had such a visceral reaction to it, I didn't know whether to shout or cry. I don't know to this day what it was. Somebody else feeding dd or the method of feeding itself. Everything in me screamed that I should take dd that instant and bf. I was shocked by my level of reaction. I didn't give any more bottles after that and with 11wo ds I'm not planning to either though dh has suggested it several times. I can't explain it to myself so can't hope to explain it to you but I do understand why you can't hand over that part of nurturing to the extended family just yet.

I had a similar reaction to showofhandswhen I saw dh give ds a bottle of expressed milk. I only did it about another 3/4 times as I thought it was what we should be doing, then I realised how much hassle expressing was and gave up! So I think what you are feeling is normal. Why do you want to start he daytime bottle? Is it so the others can feed dec or ate there other reasons?

Glad to hear I'm not being too over protective.

I think my fears stem from a bad birth, not bonding at first, hating bf to begin with (expressed for 6 weeks and then gave up as it was getting me down) - but now I love my DC so much and actually (can't believe I can say this now!) enjoy breastfeeding.

That said - I hate feeding in front of in-laws/daytime guests, baby screams during daytime feeds so my stress levels are so high I think it slows my let down and I'd like to leave DC with my DH or mum every now and again to maybe go shopping?

I know I'm not really ready to give up one of the daytime feeds yet ... but I just wanted to check I'm not being unreasonable in my thoughts!

Why don't you express for the bottle feed?

I wouldn't be in too much of a hurry to give up BF.

It's a lot less hassle than FF!

Give expressing a go perhaps.

Can I ask why DC has formula at bedtime? Not being judgy, just genuinely curious, for me, that bedtime feed was the best one of the day !

I decided not to give my dd a bottle because of the same thing. I ddnt see the need and tbh there is so much more that other people can do with her feeding her is really the mums jobs (or dads as well if formula fed). Other people shouldnt have a look in at the choice. If thats what you want them go for it, if you have doubts then dont!

YANBU, but you have to look at your reasons for wanting to drop a bf.

If your baby takes a bottle already, then you probably could leave him with your Mum for a while when you go shopping or whatever anyway. You don't have to give up that bf completely to be able to ff in the day occasionally.

Bfing is lovely, but giving a bottle is lovely too. I am ver pro bfing, but babies do look cute when they are feeding from a bottle, and that pleasure should be yours. If you want to keep that to yourself, then do, it's your baby. Just don't give the IL's or anyone else the option.

Thanks Slavetofilofax - I'm new to this ... so please can you let me know if giving the occasional ff during the day will slow my milk supply?

I wasn't sure if the odd one would be ok, but if I can pick and choose how to feed (obvioulsy not every day) - that'd make life a lot easier :)

I think it would depend on how well esabilished your supply is on whether dropping one feed would affect it. 10 weeks seems quite early, especially if you had problems at the start, but it's a very individual thing.

I mixed fed with ds2 when I wanted to after about 5 months, although he was mainly bf, it was great on holiday or on days out to be able to give a bottle sometimes. It's a very individual thing, so maybe you could talk through your personal options with your HV or La Leche?

It's great that you are enjoying bfing now, and if being able to drop one feed in the day enables you to continue bfing for longer, then that has got to be a good thing.

esabilished - no idea what that word is!

I knew what you meant

Thanks for the advice

Why don't you express for the one daytime feed?

i cried in the kitchen the first time someone else fed my first dd and i hated bf. felt like she didnt need me any more and i had broken a bond or something.

Newmummytobe79 I gave DD a FF at bedtime and was warned by the HV that that was the feed that was most important for good milk production as this is when prolactin levels are highest (she was right, my milk supply after that was OK but not great)

I'd go with the suggestion someone else made of giving a bottle of expressed milk if DH wants to feed.

I let MIL give DD one daytime bottle when she was days old (felt a bit backed into a corner) and felt so [:(] that I thought I was going to explode. I fought through the daytime feeds myself after that. It's a natural response!

I'm combination feeding and dd2 (also 10 weeks) has been fed by EVERYBODY! It really doesn't bother me and if I was your mil I'd feel a bit upset if I wasn't allowed to feed the baby.

So I think YABU sorry

Why do other family members feel so insistent about feeding a baby? I think it's a bit odd really. As long as the baby is being attended to, the feeding's incidental, surely? I can understand why the OP and others on the thread, wanted to feed their babies themselves. You'd just think that a MIL/other family membes would understand also?

Do what you want, OP, it's your baby. Worra's advice is good - cross the bridge when you get to it, it may not even be an issue.

No-one has a right to feed your baby, even DH shouldn't need to feed to be able to bond. Dd is 16 months and DH has never fed her, bar solids etc obviously! Once you get going you may find that for practical reasons you want others to feed them.

Personally I would express, if you drop too many feeds (you mentioned dropping the evening/night feed too? V bad for supply.) you risk your supply long term.

If the feeding is a problem when guests are there, can you try taking DC upstairs? I know they're probably there to see the baby but frankly, tough!

I know that at that age my DD (now 6mo) ended up going upstairs for practically every day time feed when I was at home as otherwise EVERYTHING distracted her (still often now too). Upstairs I could close the curtain and reduce distractions. Often had the added bonus of sending her to sleep which she FIGHTS like mad during the day (where are these babies that slept 20 hours the first weeks? How can I order one next time?!).

God, I read threads like this and think I must be a really shit mum! Apart from a few tears the first time DS ever had a bottle (and that was more because I felt so guilty about giving up breastfeeding at 3 weeks!), I have never had a problem with someone else feeding him. And he has been fed by his dad, all his grandparents, his aunties and uncles, some of my friends, everyone really!

But I am pretty sure that he still knows I am mummy!

samstown... It doesn't make you a 'shit mum' at all. OP's question was different. Every woman should feed their child exactly as they want to. :)

I didn't like other people feeding DS from a bottle. I only bothered if I had to go out, otherwise didn't do it - really not necessary.

BF isnt just about feeding, it's comforting and releases nice hormones for mum and baby, maybe that's why some BF mums don't like seeing their baby have a bottle?

And I don't understand why other people get so insistent about feeding the baby. You can give him a cuddle FFS!

Ninky - giving a bottle at night doesnt necessarily mean its v bad for supply (or even slightly bad). My supply is fine and we've been giving a bottle at night and sometmes one in the day since DS2 was a week old (now 8 weeks). Same goes for my friend who is mixed feeding with no problems.

OP - if you really want to drop a feed in the day for whatever reason then my understanding your supply will adjust accordingly (as BF is on a supply and demand basis). I know what you mean about wanting your baby to accept the bottle from you first but I do think you are overthinkng it a bit. You'll be fine, especially when as you say you get chance to ggo out for a bit on your own.

Maybe try expressing at first to see if you 'accept' it more easily?

I think, OP, you need to do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Not all and sundry who might feel a bit left out if they don't get a 'go'.

I BF for over a year with both of mine. BIL's wife FF from the very first feed. Consequently, ILs fed some of their grandchildren and didn't ever feed the others. It never even occurred to me how they might feel about it because that's irrelevant.

Do what is best for you and don't feel pressured by others.

samstown I hope your tongue is firmly in cheek! There should be less judging and more support between mothers whether they BF/FF/both/neither/whatever.

Ultimately, the majority of mothers/fathers want what is best for their babies. Unfortunately, other family members sometimes want what is best for themselves.