To want to know why he is mad?

[BertieBotts]

I'm looking for a job at the moment. It's been a while since I've been in work. I had a phone call today offering me an interview at short notice. I panicked and handled it horribly and messily, asking DP if he could look after DS while I was on the phone with DS trailing behind me saying "Mummy, who is it? Can I speak?" I know this was awful and I have no idea why I didn't just say a time and trust that DP could do it. So anyway, put the phone down and immediately panicked about having nothing to wear. So I wandered into the bedroom to have a look through my stuff and the first thing DP said was "That phone call by the way was really bad." Which I know, but still, yay, supportive. He did say well done (about three times, so I felt kind of patronised) but I was already defensive about the phone call so when I said "I have nothing to wear" and he suggested a suit I was a bit WTF, why would I have a suit?

Then he decided he was going to "coach" me in interviews and when I said I was fine he just laughed and then basically went through everything I'd done to apply for jobs so far and why it was wrong. It just makes me feel crap as he's been working for years whereas I've been out of work since I was pregnant with DS and have only ever had one full time job ever. So I complained that he was just being critical and not giving me any constructive advice and then he was all offended because he'd just offered to go over interview technique with me. And then he decided he was mad at me and was going back to sleep, so I said "Why? Because I just rubbished all your suggestions? Sorry but I'm just feeling a bit defensive when you say that everything I've done so far is wrong and I'm a failure because I don't even own a suit." and he replied that he hadn't said that at all and if I didn't know why he was annoyed then he wasn't going to say. Which I always hate as a tactic, because WTF? I'm not a mindreader! So I badgered him a bit more and then he said he wasn't going to say because he wanted to go back to sleep and if he told me then I'd just want to talk about it, and he will tell me when he wakes up. And then that it wasn't about me anyway, well, it was a little bit. So I gave up and came downstairs to make DS' dinner.

Reading that back I was a bit of a defensive cow wasn't I? But I still think he is BU!

You were stressed,
he was unhelpful with DS,
you feel bad about phonecall,
he made it worse by saying phonecall was bad,
you got stressed again about clothes,
he said you should have suit,
you got even more stressed because no suit,
he sees you are stressed,

you're in a panic so can't think straight and can't answer his questions,
he thinks your answers are no good,
you get even more stressed.
You blame him, you feel rubbish.

I actually think he was trying to help (badly) after not being particularly helpful whist you were on the phone.
This made you feel worse but you could probably have done with just going and calming down after the phonecall. it's like a domino effect!!

Stop panicking now and forget it.
Just think about what you need to do for the interview and good luck !!

BTW, why is DP asleep in day? Does he work nights?

Yes he works nights, sorry, I thought I'd mentioned that. Thanks :) He wasn't being unhelpful with DS, BTW, I wasn't expecting him to look after him then and there, I just meant I was asking him if he could look after DS for me tomorrow or what time he would be sleeping.

When he's woken up, maybe you should take him up on the offer of interview coaching, esp. if he has lots of experience of interviewing people.

If you don't have a suit, do you have something smart, eg nice fitted blouse and well cut trousers or skirt and smart shoes? Or maybe a shift dress, knee length, type of thing?

Tho' tbh you could buy a really cheap and quite decent suit from Sainsburys or Tesco for about £40, if you have a few interviews lined up.

I have about 20 suits in size 12/14 if you're anywhere near Henley & want to borrow something.

Oh I see, sorry!
Stop worrying now, this is the sort of thing me and DH do all of the time, things roll on from one thing to another.
Just explain to him that this interview has thrown you and that you couldn't cope with his pre- interview mentoring that's all!! :o

Good luck!!

Mumble's advice is great :)

Sounds like you were snappy because you're nervous

Sounds like he was snappy because he's nervous for you

DP does that to me every so often - I'm worried about something, he worries about me, deals with it by getting snappy (for about 10 minutes), I get more wound up because I have to handle him as well as my own worry.

Unless there's other stuff you haven't mentioned, he'll most likely wake up and be supportive in the way you need rather than the way he wants to be. Or, the support he wants to give will be better timed so that you're into the right mental state for it

The best I have is a plain coloured blouse/shirt and some pinstripe trousers. No decent shoes :( and a couple of jackets but one is too big and the other slightly too small and clashes with the shirts, except the black one, but that is looking a bit faded. It's just been so long since I've had a job interview that I didn't quite think this far ahead.

I think his help would be helpful I'm just feeling a bit crap because I want to be able to do it myself without his help if that makes sense? I'm feeling a bit thrown into this jobhunting thing because I was going to wait until DS was in nursery but we're skint now. Too skint to buy anything new, as well.

My mum is coming over tonight though, just remembered. I'll ask her if she has anything I can borrow, especially shoes!

The shirt and trousers will be fine I'm sure. Yes, ask your mum if you can borrow shoes.
Keep it clean and simple! You'll be great!

Shirt and pinstipe trousers = perfect

Non matching jacket or light coat?

"I think his help would be helpful I'm just feeling a bit crap because I want to be able to do it myself without his help"

Tell him this when he wakes up.

BTW :( to job-hunting when you're not ready for it. Think about pros and cons before you commit.

What's the job? Do you really need a suit? I've worked (with one 6 month gap) for 20-odd years and haven't worn a suit for at least 15, even to interviews.

A woman does not need a suit for an interview. Smart trousers or skirt, (plain, dark), a clean ironed pale blouse or t-shirt, and a dark tailored jacket will be perfectly fine.

It's retail. I've always just worn smart top + smart trousers (even smart jeans) before. Unfortunately all my jeans are either not very smart or in the wash.

Don't really have a choice as we're just getting into debt each month in order to eat ATM. But oh well. If I get 16 hours then I get help with childcare too which will cut down the childcare bill from uni since apparently I can't apply for their childcare help until I get stuff back from student finance which will probably take months.

DS has just advised me I should get new shoes like his ones, with lights and dinosaurs on

:o at the dinosaur shoes!! Brilliant!

Good luck Bertie! :)

Thanks! :)

DP woke up and can't remember why he was annoyed Oh well. We've made up now and he's been grilling me with some interview questions.