AIBU not to invite her?

[hwjm1945]

Background , live in small town in v friendly street, kids of all ages from about 4 up to about 10 play at each others houses and fair amount of shared school runs etc. My DD had party adn invited both the kids from one huose. Both came. 3 weeks later, the slightly older DD of the house had a party and did not invite DD even thuogh she did invite another girl who she knows equally well. There is a bit of a pattern her - the mother has events to which she doos not invite me and some others but expects and indeed asks for invites to our events. AIBU to not invite her to a party I hold every year at New year? It will be v awkward as she will ask for an invite, but I feel she is not reciprocating in the way I woudl expect. I suppose the answer is "yuor party, invite who you want".

YANBU to not invite her if you don't actually like her and you don't want her there.

But YABU not to invite her purely because her DD didn't invite your child to her party.

Some parents actually leave the invitations to the children and perhaps this slightly older girl doesn't like your DD much or just had to think about numbers.

If you don't want her there then fine, but I wouldn't 'tit for tat' as that's just petty.

Having said that, anyone who was rude enough to ask for an invite would get short shrift from me anyway.

Do you know, I know the answer has to be no, but I am just screwing up the courage to say it, jsut wanted to check I was not being U

Well, I'd be waiting for her to ask and I'd be saying - why do you feel you can demand this? I don't demand invites from you, do I? Your daughter's party the other week, for example. You didn't see me demanding invites.

But I'm a stroppy cow when I feel someone's taking the piss, so you might be well advised to take the cowards way out and invite all to keep the peace

But I wouldn't. I'd be saying no. Bollocks to her. Piss takers get on my tits.

Say 'No we're just having CLOSE friends this year.'

isn't it a bit petty? she doesn't invite your dd so you don't invite her?
don't you like her? that's more of a reason not to invite her

Totally agree with Worra!

If you dont genuinly want to invite her then dont, but if you just dont want her there because your DD hasnt been invited then you seriously need to grow up!

It is not just the child's party thing - I know about numbers etc, it is the fact that she has had a couple of grown up things and not invited me, so actually the truth is she wil come along to what I offer but does not actually value or like me enough to include me in what she has to offer. Does not feel good, so will not invite her and if seh raises it, just say sorry, you can't come .

Never mind what she does.

If you LIKE her and want her there, then invite her.

If you dont get on with her, and feel that you are too irritated of her never reciprocating, then dont.

i think it would be fairly petty to not invite her simply because she didn't invite your daughter to a party.

or do you only invite people on the proviso that they invite you to something unrelated too?

if you genuinely don't particularly like her or want her there then of course you shouldn't invite her. but if you get on, then i see no reason not to

It doesn't sound like you want to invite her so I wouldn't. She sounds odd asking for invitations to things

be prepared for things to be quite awkward afterwards though when she finds out that they are the only ones not invited.

Do you think it sends a good message to your kids - kid invites someone, someone comes, someone then deos not invite kid to their do, kid then invites them again - is kid en route to becoming a victim? I query this, as DD did ask why X had not invited her and were we goign to invite X to our party?

But you dont invite some just to get an invitation back surely?? Isnt that the same as giving to receive. I never understand why people get so het up over kids parties and invites. I like to pick my own battles and that is seriously one I couldnt be bothere with. Victim.....dont think so somehow......bit of an insult to real victims!

But then stop inviting her child to your childs parties!

I totally see what you're saying hwjm. I would look at it this way: Are your DD and the other girl very close friends? Was your daughter upset at not being invited or was she not that bothered? If yes to both of these then it doesn't sound as though the other DD is a very good friend to your DD and perhaps try to guide your DD into spending time with other friends.

They don't sound that nice a family, what with the mum asking for invitations and then the daughter excluding someone. I would probably just give them all a wide berth now.

Since it's a New Year party and I am assuming that there are adults and children from the street all being invited I think you are BU not to invite them.

It sounds as if all of the children play together and in the interests of keeping the peace I would be the bigger person here and invite them in good grace.

Besides which you never know when you might need a favour from them in the future.

is kid en route to becoming a victim?

Only if you don't get a grip

Kids need to know that being invited to anything is not a right

They also need to learn (as do some adults it would seem) to invite the people to your party that you actually want there, regardless of past invites or anything like that.

Sometimes number just don't allow all this tit for tat inviting and it's so false anyway if you don't really want the person there.

Nobody has a right to be invited to anything. That includes your DD and your rather assumptive neighbour. But you would be very unreasonable to exclude your neighbour from the New Year's Eve party simply because your DD didn't get a party invitation.

If, on the other hand, you simply don't want the company of this neighbour then you are under no obligation to invite her to your NYE party. But to be honest, this all comes across as very childish and tit-for-tat. As for your child becoming a victim, that's just plain ridiculous. She'll be far more of a victim if you bring her up to assume she is entitled to attend every social event going.

I wouldn't. She doesn't reciprocate your invitations for either yourself or your children so either she doesn't value your company or she doesn't respect you enough to see you worthy of inviting to her occasions. It would be different if it was a one off or if she never threw anything but that doesn't sound like the case.

If I always invited someone to things and they came but they hardly ever invited me to things that they were doing I would stop as personally I would find it imbalanced and disrespectful. Maybe if you stand up to her you'll get a more even relationship?

And where does the tit for tat mentality end?

"Ohh the twins brought a gift between them...how would they like it if I'd sent them home with a party bag between them?"

"Little Sarah's Mum put money in a card, the impersonal cow. I actually went and shopped for her daughter's gift"

It's a load of never ending bollocks when it should simply be a happy occasion that you may or may not be invited to.

Not a big deal so please don't encourage your DD to think it is or she may become the woman you're talking about...going around asking for invitations because she's been brought up to believe she's entitled to one.

Actually, I wouldn't invite her on the basis that she didn't invite you.

Why?

Because I wouldn't want to be in someone's company who so patently didn't want to be in mine.

You can only keep on inviting someone to your house for so long without them reciprocating (and giving out the message 'I don't like you enough to invite you to my house) before you say enough is enough.

This is enough. Stop inviting her now. She doesn't want your company, you don't want hers.

I think reciprocal invitations are polite, with the exception of certain children's parties, where numbers are a consideration. I wouldn't invite her to my party, because she clearly doesn't value you enough to invite you to hers. To invite her, says 'doormat' to me.

IF your dd wants the child at her party than she should invite her despite not getting an invite herself. But you are right to nit invite that cheeky mare to your events, sounds a bit of a user tbh. Just say no we are tight on numbers; or turn it round to her. Ask hr if you can come to one if her parties then!