TheMoistWorldOfSeptimusQuench ·
22/11/2011 12:39
Sorry this is so long, but I didn't want to drip feed. Thanks for reading if you manage to get to the end.
DD is in year 5. In year 2, a girl joined her class for a few months and they became very close friends. I also got on quite well with the parents, and to cut a long story short, the friend's dad (who is freelance and works from home) offered to pick up DD every Friday and look after her until I get home from work - about 7pm. By this time, DDs friend (I'm going to call her M) had started at another school, so this was a good way of keeping up contact between them. They are both only children.
Also an incredibly generous offer that has been enormously helpful and supportive for me, especially as a single parent. I've always made my appreciation very clear to both M's parents, and reciprocate by having her over a lot in the holidays, for sleepovers, or babysit for them when I can. I've also regularly checked with them that the arrangement is still working for them, and made it clear that if they need it to stop, I'm happy to try to make other arrangements. He has repeatedly assured me that it's fine, they love DD and it's good for M to be occupied with a friend so he can get on with things himself.
Anyhoo, a couple of weeks ago, we had an INSET day, and I forgot to tell M's dad about it. In my defence, my dad had just had a major stroke and I was very tied up in supporting my parents. After the event that I'm going to describe below, M's dad was very understanding of my forgetfulness and wasn't annoyed with me. He's always been very straight with me when I've pissed him off before - such as if I've been late etc - so I believe that he hasn't got the hump with me.
So he turned up at the school at the usual time with M and a friend of his who was visiting from Argentina. Both he and his friend work in the arts and take a lot of photographs - of everything. It's just what they like to do. Once they'd realised there were no children at school and I'd obviously forgotten to tell them, the friend got his camera out and started taking what I assume were arty shots of the fence, bits of school buildings etc.
At this point, the school receptionist ran over to them and started telling them that they were not allowed to take pictures of the school grounds and buildings. M's dad told her that it was no use having a go at his friend, as he doesn't speak English, and what is the problem with taking picutres anyway, if there are no children around?
I've heard his and her accounts of the story, but I'm not quite sure how the argument escalated, but it did. I don't have a problem with the receptionist, but she can come across as rather supercillious and has a tendency to put people's nose out of joint. He, on the other hand, can be very melodramatic - he speaks loudly, gesticulates, and slightly exagerates even when he's not annoyed, so I can imagine they were both winding each other up spectacularly.
So they carry on arguing, and then M's dad gets his iphone out and starts filming her! Now, I can completely understand how threatened the receptionist must have felt at this point, and it was obviously a very aggressive thing to do. He insists that he only started filming the exchange because he wanted to protect himself in case he was accused of something "by this crazy woman".
The upshot is that he is now banned from the school grounds, the police liason officer has been in touch (although they were apparently very reassuring and said he has nothing to worry about). He is adamant that he has done nothing wrong, and that the school should apoligise to him. I have repeatedly explained that although (IMO) they overreacted with regard to photographing school buildings (when there were demonstrably no children present), he clearly came across as very aggressive and it's fair enough for the school to ban someone who has been perceived as threatening.
I've also said that I'm not going to get involved with any dispute between him and school as I have my own batttles to fight with them (over DD's SN).
He now seems rather caught up in the drama of the situation, and has written to the Governors to "clear his name". He is also refusing to have DD until he has an apology from the school (which he's not going to get) because he thinks someone connected with the school is going to accuse him of "something even worse" 
if he has her at the house.
Last week, I arranged for another friend to take her from school to their house (his wife was present that evening so it was deemed by them to be "safe"), but he's said he's not even comfortable with this, so I need to make other arrangments until it's sorted (which it isn't going to be to his satisfaction).
I always knew the arrangement would come to an end sometime, that's fine, but I guess I thought it would be over something like the girls falling out, of his routine changing. This all just seems a bit bonkers and a highly dramatic over reaction. Which also punishes the two girls as they won't see each other so much. He insists this is all the school's fault and I should take it up with them.
So, are we all being U? Is there a reason why members of the public are not allowed to take pictures of school buildings if there are no children present? And what do I say to DD to console her about the change in plan without being negative about everyone?