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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to still let ExP annoy me after 5 years apart?

5 replies

GreatBallsOfFluff · 21/11/2011 20:09

We're civil for DD's sake, but he still annoys me - have posted about him before.

DD(6) stayed at his last Saturday. He had been at the pub prior to me dropping her off at 2pm which he admitted. DD told me after picking her up on Sunday that they had gone to the pub again late that afternoon, and then he was also going to the pub to watch the football on Sunday which he told me when I picked DD up (well he didn't tell me, but when his 10yo DD was going out to meet friends, he told her not to be long as he was going to go down there soon).

Fine, he can do what he wants with his life. What pissed me off is that I had taken her school photos round for him to see and his response was along the lines of "not a chance, I'm absolutely broke at the moment". The two pictures he does have of DD in his flat are ones that I have supplied him with. I know, school photos aren't the be all and end all, but he has enough money to go to the pub doesn't he? It just goes to show where his priorities are.

The other issue is that it's DD's class assembly tomorrow. I work full time and am lucky enough to have a very understanding and lovely boss who said I could go in late tomorrow as long as I make it up in my lunch break (was originally going to take a half day but boss said there was absolutely no point if I was only going to be an hour and half late for work). Ex however said he would 'try and make it' - very non committal. He doesn't have his other DD tonight as she's at a friend's house whilst he does his pub quiz, he isn't working until tomorrow night which means he'll sleep from mid-afternoon until early evening but again it grates. I should just stop letting him get to me.

Before you all say it as well, yes I do worry about him drinking with DD there don't get me wrong, but I have been on the side where I was stopped from seeing my dad from a young age for similar reasons, and grew up resenting my mum for it. As it turns out during my teens I found out what a bastard my dad actually is, but I don't want DD growing up with the same resentment towards me.

Another thing is that I'm certainly no angel, I have taken DD to pubs before, but these are always child friendly pubs with play equipment and usually I drink coke (or on occasion may have a small drink). The pub ExP took DD to was a 'typical' old man's pub and I just disagree with it.

So yes I am being unreasonable to let him get to me, but just wanted a good old moan.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 21/11/2011 22:17

I don;t think you are being unreasonable actually. If his time with DD is limited to weekends then I don't see that it's on to spend a big chunk of it in the pub where there's nothing for her to do.

Boobalina · 21/11/2011 22:39

He sounds like a twat - dont stand for it - what does your DD think when she visits him? Its not nice for a little girl to have to hang around boozers all weekend?

slavetofilofax · 21/11/2011 22:44

I think you have good reason to be annoyed with this man.

Even if you didn't he would still annoy you. My ex and I are good friends, been split for nearly 8 years, and he still has the power to annoy me more than anyone else.

GreatBallsOfFluff · 21/11/2011 23:02

Flisspaps, he only has DD one night a fortnight so it's even more twattish of him.

Boobalina, DD doesn't get excited about going to her dad's for the night anymore. She used to, but now although she has never said she didn't want to go, she doesn't jump up and down or run into his arms sort of thing. It's just something she does, like school if that makes sense.

Slave - well it's nice to know that I'm not the only one whose ex can still grate

OP posts:
Boobalina · 22/11/2011 22:35

I wouldnt let what happened in your childhood dictate what happens now. He is being a shit Dad when she is in his care, I would have very serious reservations about letting her visit if all he does is take her to the pub ALL weekend?

Think about it logically. Would you entrust another adult to have her for the weekend and do this? Just because he is her Dad, its doesnt make it right?

She wont hate you restricting visits til he sorts his act out - she'll thank you one day.

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