To not know what to do about a bullying issue?

[duvetdayplease]

The question I will ask at the end is really a WWYD, I hope the AIBU Police are feeling kind tonight!

I don't know what to do about a bullying issue I just found out about. DS1 is in Yr 4, he had a friend over tonight. Friend hasn't been for a while, last time he came, he was saying mean things about another boy, R (I didn't know this, my DH had them, he told me tonight). Today, same again.

I spoke to my son about it. He says some do say mean things about R. My son was really upset, said he really likes R, hates it when the others say this stuff, but doesn't know how to tell them to stop when people tell him R is a 'loser' etc. He has just told me he doesn't want tonight's friend over to our house again (to my relief!)

I found what DS1's friend was saying quite odd at the time and I pulled him up on it. I don't understand why he would say horrible things about another boy to another mum? Surely he would be keeping this meanness a bit quieter?

I am going to tell the head tomorrow. My question is - should I leave it at that, or should I also mention to the friend's mum (who I know fairly well) that this is happening and what her son is saying about R?

I don't think you need to tell the head....a word in the teachers ear might be more appropriate.

I had similar last year with my DD when I found a book which she and a couple of friends had written in...with mean things about a little boy in her class who has aspergers.

DD was in year 2 then...just 6 and under the influence of a rrather bullying little girl....I had stong words with DD and explained how awful it was to do this.

BUt your DS seems to know this already so telling the teaccher will at least alert her to possible bullying.

The lad telling you about the boy isn't that odd....my DDs friend also said things about the little lad in her class to me and did a mean impersonation of him.

I mentioned it to her Mum who I knw well....not sureif I would have said anything otherwise...if she wa a stranger to me I could not have said anything. I did tell the teacher.

I think I would probably leave it with the school, they will then keep an eye out and see if any bullying is going on. Just saying mean things about someone doesn't necessarily mean bullying. Maybe this boy has had a falling out with R? Or R is regularly saying things about him? It would be hard to say anything to the other mother without having all the info as she is likely to be very defensive of her ds

Actually I agree with Bedlam my case was different as the child had special educational needs and was new...so it was different.

It sounds like your son needs a coping strategy to help him stand up to the others, perhaps?

Could you practise a stock phrase with him, something like "Stop being nasty" or "Stop being a bully"? Even if he doesn't then go and tell an adult, he can challenge the behaviour he doesn't like and stand up for himself. That's the kind of thing that covers lots of different situations, too, not just other kids being nasty to R.