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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking this behaviour is U? (wedding related)

18 replies

anotherweddingaibu · 21/11/2011 20:01

My parents are paying for my DS wedding which is coming up. It is a bit of a DIY job, as neither parents nor DS have much money so it is kind of all hands on deck.
DS has had her best friend since school days, and they are really close. DS has always been close to her BF's parents - who even have a pet name for her. My parents have always been good to BF - even letting her live with them for a short time a few years ago - mostly for geographical reasons.
BF's Father is a photographer, it is a new business, just established. DS sent BF's parents an invite to the wedding and they have replied along the lines of 'yes of course we will be there and do the photography too - at just half the usual 1200 pound cost - we absolutely insist!'. DS is terrified of upsetting BF or her parents by saying 'actually no thanks we weren't planning on having a photographer, plus that is still more than we are paying for the venue and food combined'. DS's DH2B is very 'I am staying out of it'. My parents are a little Shock and Hmm.

AIBU to think that BF's parents are BU? Should I stick my beak in and persuade DS to be firm?

OP posts:
Geordieminx · 21/11/2011 20:04

She just needs to be honest. That she wasn't planning on having a photographer as she can't afford it, and has no budget for it. Or speak to her best friend.

They will still be making money on the £600.

Hellfire · 21/11/2011 20:08

It should be easy enough for DS to say 'How kind, thank you, but we aren't in a position to hire a photographer at all, we only have a very limited budget.' It's truthful and it should be accepted with tactful good grace. It'd be better to say it and get it over with than procrastinate and make a big issue about it all a few weeks down the line. Perhaps you can offer to tell the couple on DS's behalf?

carabos · 21/11/2011 20:09

What a shame, this sort of thing so easily creates bad feeling. I imagine that BFs parents have no idea that there isn't enough in the pot to pay for a professional photographer. Someone (anyone really) should have a chat with them and let them know the situation.

DialMforMummy · 21/11/2011 20:09
Shock The parents are VVVU and incredibly rude. But as you are not paying and it is not your wedding, I don't think you should get involved. And DS needs to be honest with these people.
onemoreminute · 21/11/2011 20:09

She should just tell them she wasn't planning on having a photographer and has no budget for it and she wants them to relax and enjoy the day.

squeakytoy · 21/11/2011 20:14

As others have said, she needs to just say "thanks, but we cant afford those sort of professional prices".. simple as that.

grumplestilskin · 21/11/2011 20:20

how cheeky! as a new business building his portfolio is worth more than the fees anyway!

she should just say "thank you but we have no budget left for photography as we were not planning on paying professional fees, we hope our friends and families amateaur shots will capture the day whilst still allowing everyone to enjoy the day without being confined to behind the camera all day"

DeWe · 21/11/2011 20:30

I'd suggest your dp send a slightly formal letter to them, along the lines of:
Dear Mr(s) Photographer,
Unfortunately due to finances we had to take the decision that we are having no professional photographer. Thank you for your kind offer of the half price photography, but regretfully we will have to refuse as we cannot afford it.
Yours sincerely
The parents

chipmonkey · 21/11/2011 20:41

Agree with DeWe. They do sound very cheeky!

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 21/11/2011 20:48

I think the friends parents are very rude TBH and your Sister needs to just say no

kelly2000 · 21/11/2011 20:48

The BFs parents are being unreasonable and weird. It is a new business and he is making someone feel they have to hire him because they are friendws. They should simply say "no thanks, we are not having a photographer". If she is nervous, an email might be easier.

Can i just ask anyone else that if you ahve a particular skill saying you insist on doing it and receiving payment is really weird. You might offer to do it for free, or perhaps mention that you are happy to do it, but due to financial constraints you can only do it for cost etc. But insisting on doing it for money is just weird. To be honest you think he might offer to do it just for the cost of the prints.

BramblyHedge · 21/11/2011 20:54

That is very cheeky. We are getting married in January and having a low key event. My friend offered to do the photography for free to build her portfolio and we just pay for prints. I will of course buy her a big thankyou gift but I would have expected similar in these circumstances from the bf family.

pigletmania · 21/11/2011 21:06

As others have said, DS needs to tell her BF parents that they were not going to hire a photographer due to lack of funds. That is a lot of money for photography for someone just starting out.

pigletmania · 21/11/2011 21:07

and basically thanks but no thanks.

ZillionChocolate · 21/11/2011 21:12

I think I paid my 2 professional photographers £350 for 4 hours on the day plus editing. I didn't know them, but they were a new business.

To avoid rocking the boat, I'd reply asap or perhaps call them up saying "very kind, but no thank you, don't have a budget for a professional photographer at all we were planning on using friends photos/aren't really bothered about having any photos/whatever".

redwineformethanks · 21/11/2011 21:18

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt that they think they're genuinely offering a favour by doing it at a discount and "We insist........." really means "Honestly, we 're happy to make this generous offer" Don't be too quick to criticise them, but a friendly email to say that the whole wedding is very low key may be enough to explain the situation to them

Meta4 · 21/11/2011 21:23

Agree with redwine. They probably mean well and think they're doing her a favour.

Is there any reason they should be aware of the limited budget at this stage?

pantspantspants · 21/11/2011 21:46

If they are a new business they may well be offering this discount and being so pushy because they actually want to use the wedding to gain portfolio shots and pics for their website. Also photographers are booked 1 year plus in advance of a wedding so if they are very new might not have done a wedding yet and so not have anything to show prospective brides.

My DP is a prof photographer, he generally charges friends £200-300ish including a CD and picture book. so makes nothing but does it because he's able to and knows it will make them happy.

I maybe a cynical but it think this offer is more for their gain rather than the family, and I think they are being cheeky asking for payment as well as using it as an opportunity.

I would make it clear that their is no photo budget but as you know they are a young business you wouldn't mind them bringing a camera and pose for a few shots for the business to use as long as you get a copy.

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