Ok, brief potted history...
Dh and i have bern together 5 years, married for 4. He has a daughter who is 16 and until Sept lived with her mum and saw us once a month or so whenever she could be bothered to come over. She now lives with us and has seen her mum twice since moving in (45 miles away, her mum and my dh don't drive, only me and she lives in a tiny villge). I have a ds who is 12 and sees his dad alternate weekends and his dad does most of the drive to an fro, again 45 miles away. We also have a dd who is 2.
Anyway, since getting together my mum has always ensured she treats dsd the same as ds and now dd and spent exactly the same on them. Dont see her much as she is 250 miles away and is v skint. She spends about £10 each for xmas and birthdays and thats fine.
Dh's parents live 45 miles away and we prob see them once a month. When we go up dsd basically ignores them but ds will chat and help out. When its time to go dh's dad gives dh £20-40 for petrol (dh never pays for petrol, i do, and dh generally gives me £10 and keeps the rest for his spends... Anyway thats irrelevant for now)...
Dh's dad then slips ds a couple of quid and gives dsd anything between £5 and £20... So unequal there but hey its not worth stressing about. However birthdays and xmas have started to niggle me a bit and i need to know if iabu or not...
Birthdays and xmas ds is usually given a £20-30 voucher from the IL's, dsd however is given a stack of presents, £40-50 cash plus £75-100 in vouchers....
Is this fair? I know its totally up to them what they spend etc but it seems so over the top and i think in front of ds it is a but cruel... Perhaps give her the money discretely? Or better still perhaps treat them the same? Aibu? I wont say anything to them btw....