AIBU because my sister thinks I am

[shoobydoowop]

My dad always does xmas day at his house. This year DP and I want to spend our first xmas together - last year we did our own thing because it was a fairly new relationship.

DP has 2 kids, and I have a ds. This year we want to wake up at home with my ds and then his dad will come to collect him. In the meantime dp's dd's will arrive. Once ds has gone with his dad we are going to see dp's mum with his dd's, having dinner and then coming back to drop them off back with their mother. We will then collect ds and head to my dads for a tea time dinner.

My dad is fine with this, and just wants everyone to be happy.

My sister has suggested we all chip in with the cooking. Now I am happy to bring something I have prepared the day before and said as much (i.e I cant do the turkey but could bring the starters...)

Sister hit the roof when i told her our plans for the day and said i am selfish and should drop dp off with his mother and spend the rest of the day 20 miles away with my family whilst dp will be stuck in the countryside at his mums (not able to drive)

I am so annoyed that she thinks I should spend a 2nd xmas away from the man i will be spending the rest of my life with. AIBU?

Your sister is being difficult for the sake of it. Unless your Dad has specifically said something to her.
Does she see herself as the matriarch of the family?

Tell your sister to wind it in.

Fuck all to do with her.

No, you're not. She is.

People get weird about Christmas though........

kreecher spot on - she is definitely the matriarch it winds me up

I didn't really follow your OP TBH but do what you like with Christmas day. It's not like you said you won't contribute so YANBU.

Its not her choice, tell her to piss off

Hold on, I've just read it again and you are going to your Dad's for dinner.
I'll still say your DS is being U. What is wrong with taking a starter or a pudding or the crackers or some cheese or...................

Don't be daft, of course YANBU!
Sounds like you are doing lots of running around to fit everyone in already.

Your sister is being really unreasonable, unless she's under 15 there's simply no excuse for her selfish behaviour.

Your day sounds well thought out and lovey - if everyone stays a bit relaxed about things (there's a lot of pick-ups, drop-offs, visiting and sometimes it's hard to get it all to work as you might like it to!!).

Tell your sister to grow up and get over herself.

It's not up to her what you do on Christmas- you're an adult with children and a partner, it's not about her. I think the arrangement you have set up sounds mature and best for you two and all the children involved. And you're seeing your family anyway, so it's not like they're cut out of the day.

SHE is being selfish for demanding that you do things the way she wants.

YANBU.

You don't have to have any kind of xmas. You and your DP have sorted out a day that suits you, no one else is inconvenienced by it, and your dad is perfectly happy. You shouldn't let her make you feel guilty, - it sounds like you have sorted out the needs of your various offspring very nicely.

It sounds like your sister is nervous about you not being there for the whole day, - what role do you usually fulfill at these occasions? Are you the life and soul/peacemaker/do all the work? If so, it might be that she is concerned that the day will feel flat/boring/have awkward silences without you. ow is your r/ship with your sister usually?

yanbu - especially as your dad is okay with it. Your sister is the selfish unreasonable one. She needs to accept your life is going to be different now and you, dp and your children come first.

Tell her that you are spending Christmas day with your family.

It's just that your family is no longer the same as her family.

She'll get over it. You've changed her routine, is all.

Is she single? Because if so, one day she'll be married with kids, wanting Christmas alone with them and grateful to you for paving the way!

No is a complete sentence.

But if it were me, since I can never leave it at 'no', I'd also be 'gently' pointing out that adults (like you and your dad) understand that you have a partner, a child and a step-child now and they are your family too.

YANBU, she is. Ignore her opinion and do what you have planned to do - would she expect the same if you and your DP were married? You are a partnership and love each other. Is she put out at having to cook or something? I don't get what her problem is. Is it just that you've made your own plans and not begged her permission to do so?

Your day sounds well thought out in that you are visiting every one. I'm selfish me, refuse to leave the house on christmas day and that's that.

YANBU - I don't get this. I am an only child with divorced parents and in-laws in the opposite hemisphere and NO-ONE has ever tried to interfere with or critcise my (and DH's) plans for where we spend Xmas. People just look suitably grateful happy if we can be there and make alternative plans to see us if we can't. Where do people get off behaving like this?

Your Christmas sounds lovely actually - sounds as if you and DP both have nice reasonable co-parenting arrangements. I would focus on that and ignore your sister.

tigermoll we normally just have a relaxed day drinking, dancing listening to music we grew up to etc.

YANBU.

In fact, I would go as far to say that you are actually being very reasonable trying to please everybody on Xmas day.

It is always difficult managing Xmas when there are children from previous relationships but you and your DP seem to have done a lot of planning to make sure nobody is left out.

Stuff your DSis's head up the turkey's arse

I can totally see why she's disappointed... but as an adult she needs to get a grip.