To not especially want these relatives helping us all the time?

[MayaAngelCool]

Some of my ILs have offered help with the DCs. These ILs are bossy, interfering, PA, hypersensitive please-walk-on-eggshells-around-me sort of people, and frankly I'd rather eat my own eyeballs in a Ginsters pie than add to my woes with the ishoos they will create.

They're far from eeevil; they just tend to create an atmosphere which has us (especially me!) anticipating their visits with only a little enthusiasm. DH and I don't mind having them round occasionally but we don't want them in our hair all the time.

AIBU?

Why not steal their thunder and be proactive?
Suggest times and ways in which they can help and space them through the year at your discretion.
Smile sweetly and enjoy the free babysitting?

Well, if these occasions remain visits rather than babysitting, you won't be beholden to them; that sounds like trouble.

Most people have to put up with their IL's because their partner wants to see them. If you and your dh are in full agreement that neither of you want this, then you'd be mad to let people outside of your relationship have a huge influence in how you live your life.

And you are not obliged to accept 'help' from anyone. It's only help if you want it or need it. If not, then it's just someone else imposing what they want onto you.

Tell them that you and dh are fine as you are. And don't let them visit too often. Maybe meet in a neutral location, like a cafe, where you can leave when you've had enough. I am not a believer in being always available to people just because you are related to them.

The answer to this seems straightforward - you & DH don't want their help, so don't take it. Just politely decline.