in a nutshell my relationship with my mother is shite! A slightly elongated version is below!
We have never had a good relationship, she has always been hyper critical to the point of cruel and I find myself increasingly defensive towards her. When I fell pregnant at 24 her first words were "how could you do this to me". I had rather horrid breakdown after my ex beat me up and she suggested that I "leave the county for the sake of the family" - rather than supporting me she was embarrassed and said I was always a disappointment to her... I am very close to my younger sisters who still live at home so severing contact is not an option - we also live in a very close community and share a lot of friends (there is only 5 years difference between my son and youngest sister) which would make it very tricky to avoid her.
I have four younger siblings who are all worshipped and fawned over which only makes her hostility and criticism all the more obvious. It sounds petty but literally every single thing I have ever asked for she has pleaded poverty over and then given to a sibling. If I ever go away to stay with friends or to a party you can bet your bottom dollar (other currencies are available!) that she will require a pound of flesh that will be increase in size according to how much fun she thinks that I have had - especially if I have left my son or dog with her (which I avoid at all costs nowadays).
I have menieres disease and my balance and hearing are increasingly shite - sadly mother is furious with me for being ill as she likes to be the illest at all times. I had a serious attack a few weeks ago and my DS called her to come over because I couldn't stand upright and he needed to get to school - she stood over me as I vomited and hurled abuse at me for not doing the washing up. She told me today that illness was all in our heads and that I must never discuss how I am feeling or how gradually going deaf is effecting my life (with an operation in the next few weeks that might be tricky). This coming from the woman who friends have commented on never being able to say "very well thank you" when asked how she is - preferring the catalogue of aches and pains approach. Within minutes of telling me I was banned from ever mentioning my MD she was complaining of how terrible she felt! She also put on the most appalling attention seeking show of how ill she was whenever she visited her mother in the cancer ward before she died - to the point of collaring Doctors en route to granny and getting them to see her first...
She is never going to change is she??? This has been going on since I was about 13 and I'm now 33 so it cannot be menopause! I know we only get one mother and I would hate to spoil my relationship with my siblings, but how do I go about protecting myself from the poisonous attacks and my crushing need to feel loved by her?