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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset that a mum at school ripped an item out of my bag yesterday and claimed it as hers

33 replies

Snowmanjar · 20/11/2011 20:37

Not sure what to think, but I am feeling quite upset. Feel free to tell me to get a grip.

It was the Christmas Bazar yesterday. The children had decorated jamjars and filled with sweets, and taken in to school. The idea was that the jars could be bought back, but after 1 pm it was free for all. I was sitting on a bench with another mum and told ds to go to the jamjar stall and look for his jar, it was around a quarter past one. At the time I did not know that the cut off was 1 pm.
He came back with a different jar. His jar was sold, so the woman in charge of the stall sold him another jar.

I put the jar in my bag, but it was sticking out, and as we were walking across the school yard another woman ran after me and ripped the jar out of my bag saying is this my daughter jar? It was.

I told her my son had bought it as his jar was already sold. She said it didnt matter, it was her daughters and her daughter would have a heartattack if her jar was sold. Her friend backed her up saying that they should not have sold the jar to my son, as the jars were free for all after a certain time.

By now my son was standing next to me crying, as the jar was taken away. She did not care, she just kept insisting that the jar was hers. I did not want to cause a scene, but I found her behaviour very rude and abrupt. So I said to her "well, can you at least pay me the pound my son spent on the jar".
She paid me. Her friend was telling me that the jar should not have been sold to my son, as they were reserved for a certain time. I did not know then that the time had passed, as I did not know about the time restrictions.

The point is, if the jar was so damn important, she should have been there to buy it before the cut off time when all jars were free for all.

It never occured to me to start hunting around the playground for whoever had bought my childs jar and demand it back!

I am also quite sure she knew the cut-off time, as I noticed later that she was manning the stall in question, and would have received instructions beforehand relating to when the jars could be sold on.

Aibu to find her extremely rude?

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 20/11/2011 20:39

Definitely not being unreasonable!

SarahStratton · 20/11/2011 20:41

There are some very, very odd and entitled people around. She is one of them. YANBU to be upset.

IneedAbetterNickname · 20/11/2011 20:42

YANBU! I guess that's the problem with a stall of that kind (IYSWIM) at school fetes!

muffinflop · 20/11/2011 20:42

Sorry? So you decorate a jam jar and they pay £1 to get said jam jar back? Confused How bizarre!

However, if the cut off time had passed and your DS bought it in good faith then YANBU

HandMini · 20/11/2011 20:42

Not sure if I totally understand the situation - pay up until 1pm, but then they are free, or take your own back, or what? However, I think what you're saying is this mum didn't "play by the rules" and accept the school's policy that after 1pm your DS could take/be given whatever jar he wanted. How annoying, YANBU, and she should have explained to her DD that she had put her jar up for sale or whatever and it had gone.

Ismeyes · 20/11/2011 20:43

I'd be really upset by the way she approached you. You didn't do anything wrong and neither did your son. If she had approached you and explained the situation calmly and asked if you would mind selling her back the jar, you probably would have agreed.

Taking something out of your bag like that is incredibly rude. I would have been seething at that and told her so.

thisisyesterday · 20/11/2011 20:43

wtf kind of stupid idea is that?

they used to do a similar thing at ds1's old school but it was a tombola and you won a random jar.,
what is the point of buying back your own jar??? surely the point is you buy another one that you like hte look of?

and no, yanbu to find her extremely rude.

sue52 · 20/11/2011 20:47

What a ridiculous way for a grown woman to carry on. Avoid her at all times in future. I hope your DS wasn't too upset.

Original poster
Snowmanjar · 20/11/2011 20:47

I was too shocked at her behaviour to object much.

The idea is that you decorate a jar, fill it with sweets, give it to the school. On the day of the bazar you can buy the jar back for a pound. (It is a fundraiser) But your jar is reserved for you until a certain time. After the cut off, you can buy any jar that has not been already bought by the maker of the jars.

If she come up to me, and explained the situation in a nice and polite manner, it would not have been a problem at all! Of course I would have let her have the jar. My sons jar was already sold, it did no longer matter what jar he had, as long as he got a jar with sweets!
She was pretty much accusing ME of not playing by the rules, and she made me feel that WE had done something wrong. She was really rude and shouty. It made me really shaky.

We are new to the school, and I dont know all the mums yet, but I know her dd is in my ds class. She was so awful, I would not be surprised if she start circulating stories about me.

It just proves that some people will walk all over you if they can. Sad

OP posts:
RomanKindle · 20/11/2011 20:48

YANBU that the mum sounds like she has a screw loose but I think the school are at fault tbh for having such a complicated set up and then not even following the rules they imposed.

thisisyesterday · 20/11/2011 20:50

sorry, still think it's a totally bizarre concept! i would rather just give them a bloody pound
i just honestly don't get why you would want to buy your own jar back Confused

but aaaanyway you are right, she sounds like she has a screw loose

RomanKindle · 20/11/2011 20:51

YANBU that the mum sounds like she has a screw loose but I think the school are at fault tbh for having such a complicated set up and then not even following the rules they imposed.

Mandy2003 · 20/11/2011 20:51

I don't get why the school has allowed the "Buy your own jar back by a certain time" bollocks rule to creep in? It would never have occurred to DS and his friends to want their own jars - most of the fun would be trying to get a better one than what you brought. But I think it was run on tombola lines anyway.

Original poster
Snowmanjar · 20/11/2011 20:54

Possibly because they spent time decorating the jars?

My son spent hours painting his with acrylic paints. He wanted to use it as a lantern after he had bought it back and eaten the sweats.

Such a shame we did not know about the rules saying we had to buy them back within a certain time.

OP posts:
MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 20/11/2011 20:55

YANBU at all and she's in for a few years of hell of she's that PFB about thiings! It's silly to sell them back anyway! Tell the head what happened in a little note or the PTA if they organised this joke of a stall...and then suggest they do like my chlds school and use the jars for the Tombola stall...then it's all fair in love and war.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 20/11/2011 20:56

It all sounds jumbled...the idea of the kids MAKING something like a decoration an then buying it back makes sense...but with this, the parents are paying for nothing really....it's not right.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 20/11/2011 20:58

But surely if she should have been there and bought her DDs jar, you should have been there in time to buy your son's jar? Ok so riving it out of your bag (are you sure she actually grabbed it, ripped it from your bag by force? or just asked you if that was her DDs jar/could she look and see if it was) wasn't on, and very bad manners to say the least, but she paid you for it. Her child wanted her jar. If you had spotted your son's jar in someone's bag you would have been over there like a shot offering to buy it back from them wouldn't you?

ballstoit · 20/11/2011 20:59

YANBU. The school and the 'lady' both sound a bit odd to say the least.

I wouldn't worry too much about story spreading etc. If the woman is even half as loopy as she sounds, then half the other parents will already be avoiding her.

Miette · 20/11/2011 21:00

The woman sounds bonkers and incredibly rude and the jam jar stall rules sound bonkers too. At our school you take in a jam jar of sweets and rubbers, hair bands etc, then people buy back any jam jar. There is no reserving jam jars so that people can buy back their own before a certain time. Everyone seems happy with the current set up.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 20/11/2011 21:01

YANBU at all, she sounds unhinged. However, like others have said it sounds an odd system. At my DCs school, we all send a jam jar in filled with something and then they are used for the tombola.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 20/11/2011 21:03

PomBear, the OP has said that after a certain time the jam jars could be bought by anyone, they were only reserved for a certain time. And as the OP is new to the school she didn't know this rule in any case

hocuspontas · 20/11/2011 21:07

Blimey what a bizarre arrangement! So someone from outside the school can't buy any jars before 1.00? Ours is a tombola where you get 5 raffle tickets for a £1 and any ticket ending in a 5 or a 0 is a winner and you can choose any jar. Tell the school they'll make more money this way!

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 20/11/2011 21:08

Look at it this way....she's obviously nuts and other Mums will know this by now...so if she DID start saying things about you, people will have her number already.

And what's she going to say? "That new Mum BOUGHT my DDs jar! The utter animal!"

The other parents would laugh....as we have done....don't worry....she wont be!

Original poster
Snowmanjar · 20/11/2011 21:08

I most definitely would not have accosted another parent in the school yard, and demanded in shrill tones to get the jar because my son would have a heart-attack (ffs) if the jar was sold!

Yes, if we were there earlier we would have managed to buy my sons jar back, but rather than shouting at another parent0, I had consoled my son that somebody had really liked his jar and was really pleased they got it, and he got himself another nice jar with sweets. Of course I did not know the ownership would be so short-lived.... Angry

No, she did not walk up and ask politely.

I think she acted rather spontaneously, she saw me and acted on impulse as I walked past. I carried my bag low, rather than over my shoulder, as it was so full of stuff my kids had bought, cookies and what not.

Are you her PomBear?

OP posts:
lurkinginthebackground · 20/11/2011 21:09

I suppose it is like baking then buying your own cakes back?!??????

YANBU btw. How rude the other woman sounds.