Marmite must be spread t-h-i-n-l-y, yes very thinly in fact, as if you are spreading er, Marmite.
The label on my small jar reads:-
?126g Delicious spread thinly on toast ? made from Yeast ? the richest natural source of B Vitamins. Sore in a cool dark place. This jar contains approx 53,173 servings? (slight exaggeration).
Marmite does, however, have an unfortunate side effect which we tend to keep rather quiet about. A short while ago I had to turn the Marmite jar round in order to read the label and now my fingers smell of Marmite, the cupboard door smells of Marmite from when I closed it, the door to the pantry also smells of Marmite along with the door to the kitchen, the door to my office, my mouse, my keyboard, my tea cup, the TV remote control, my pencil, my dog is restless and my tea tastes funny.
However, you may be reassured to know that in a crazy world of Neutrinos and Higgs Boson (possibly), Marmite is the only true constant.
The Marmite Theory of Migratory Evolution:- No moveable item, when moved from its current position of gravitational rest, will ever be returned to its immediately previous position unless it happens to be a jar of Marmite.
Marmite may be used:-
a) As a contraceptive
She, (to amorous Male) ?I?ve just made some Marmite sandwiches?.
He, ?Oh, er, is that the time? I really must be going?.
b) As a ?detector?
Husband, ?What would you like on your toast this morning dear??
She, ?Marmite and Kippers please darling!?