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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to rant about FIL and his babysitting

30 replies

fruitstick · 20/11/2011 13:23

I know I am really, but can't say it out loud. And this is the second rant about him this week.

He babysat last night and allowed DS1 to stay up til 10pm (he's 5). He was in bed when FIL arrived at 7:45 and we said he could come down and see him.

We have terrible trouble with DS's sleep at the best of times. An ongoing battle. This morning he was up at 6:30 and has been vile all day. Hyperactive, bad behaviour, meltdowns.

Arrrggggghhhhh almost makes it not worth going out Sad.

FIL is the kind of person who just laughs everything off. DH says I'm paranoid that I feel he is always trying to wind me up on purpose. Said 'oh, I suppose I'll be unpopular tomorrow, did you not want him to stay up that late'

I know I know the rule is no complaining about free babysitting but ..........

As you were.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 20/11/2011 13:25

Does he find it easy to get him to go to sleep? Can you not have him asleep before going out/

rainbowinthesky · 20/11/2011 13:26

Perhaps he was excited as brought downstairs just before 8pm. I can see how it could take some time to get him asleep after such an excitement.

ChaoticAngel · 20/11/2011 13:28

Next time don't allow DS to come downstairs. If FIL can't get him to go to sleep then he can't complain if you insist that DS is in bed asleep by the time he arrives to babysit.

I'd be tempted to send DH around to visit FIL taking DS with him Wink

ihatecbeebies · 20/11/2011 13:30

YANBU, rant away :) My aunt used to keep DS up until really late too then would say the next day "Oh now you get a long lie and an easy day", when it was the opposite, he'd be up at the same time but he'd be horrid, impossible to reason with, and would tantrum all day instead.

Original poster
fruitstick · 20/11/2011 13:32

Everyone struggles to get DS to sleep Grin.

But we normally hope to get him to sleep between 8 & 8:30.

We had managed to get DS2 to sleep before FIL arrived, otherwise it's carnage.

They sat and watched I'm a Celebrity Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitstick · 20/11/2011 13:33

Cbeebies. Exactly!

OP posts:
ssd · 20/11/2011 13:58

stop complaining and be grateful he does babysit for you

if you want someone to do exactly as you please pay a babysitter

ll31 · 20/11/2011 15:28

he's doing u a favour - if you don't like way he babysits then hire a babysitter and instruct them. Its a late night - probably not going to permanently damage ur son... I actually think its quite nasty of u tbh - ur willing to let him babysit to let u go out and u snidely give out about him cos he doens't do it way u want -v nice

MenopausalHaze · 20/11/2011 15:32

Can I just say................. I freaking hate textspeak. That is all.

ihatecbeebies · 20/11/2011 15:36

I read the post as the OP realising that it was free childcare and she shouldn't complain, and said she wasn't saying it out loud but was just venting a bit here instead.

RomanKindle · 20/11/2011 15:58

YABU. He was doing you a favour. I think you made a bit of an error saying he could come back down. If you - his mum struggles to get him to sleep then I would imagine your fil will too.

ImperialBlether · 20/11/2011 16:04

Me too, MenopausalHaze - it makes the user look illiterate.

unfitmother · 20/11/2011 16:07

ll31 what on earth are you saying?

whoopeecushion · 20/11/2011 16:07

I think it's OK to complain about free babysitting. Just because you are doing someone a favour, doesn't mean it's OK to just disregard their systems. However, I do think that you shouldn't have allowed DS downstairs to say hello to FIL. If a greeting was really necessary, I would have sent FIL upstairs to say night night whilst DS stayed in bed.

FoxyRoxy · 20/11/2011 16:10

I don't think yabthatu. My dad insists on doing the opposite of whatever DH and I say even when we're in the room. It's not difficult to follow instructions from a parent even if you're providing a free babysitting service. I'm sure no one on here would expect an IL to give their DC fizzy pop or allow them to watch a horror film if they'd specifically asked them not to? Just because they're not a paid babysitter it doesn't mean they're not responsible for maintaining the DC's routine.

To be honest if DS is that hard to get to bed maybe he just didn't want the hassle of a tantrum? If its only once in a while maybe you need to suck it up for the free babysitter.

SingingSands · 20/11/2011 16:11

As DSs grandparent, I would expect your FIL to know how difficult it is get DS to sleep, to know that he will be vile the next day if he doesn't get sleep and to put DS to bed before 10pm.

It was probably really easy to keep DS up, let him sit and watch a bit of telly, but it's not FIL who has to deal with the crap the next day.

So no, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think your FIL was being unreasonable!

startail · 20/11/2011 16:35

You have family near enough to baby sit.
( my sister does very occasionally, but she lives 80 miles away)
You may not complain. It's Sunday, you've had a night out, you have a hyper 5 yearold - so.
Plenty of people have hyper 5 year olds on wet dull winter Sundays having not had a night out in months. Stop moaning,

Original poster
fruitstick · 20/11/2011 16:44

You are right of course Startail.

And it's nearly bedtime Wink

OP posts:
RomanKindle · 20/11/2011 17:41

But the op has said she has an ongoing battle with her son to get him to sleep. Yet she expects her fil, who likely has a lot less experience in being able to get him to follow instructions than she does, to be able to get him back to bed easily.

callmemrs · 20/11/2011 19:11

If you have trouble getting him to sleep, its a bit daft to put your ds to bed and then encourage him to come down to see his grandad. Its bound to get him hyped up. I'm afraid I agree with the others. Find a babysitter who isn't related so will have a different relationship with your ds and who you are paying and therefore feel comfortable to give specific instructions to. Your ds will probably be better behaved anyway with someone different and you have more leverage if things don't suit you

openerofjars · 20/11/2011 19:24

Next time can you arrange to all visit FIL the day aftere with knackered DS in top fighting form and overstay your welcome a bit?

Wink

Look, it's free babysitting, sure, but if I was babysitting someone else's child I'd go with their routine, not my own ideas of what should be done. E.g. if a friend's child had a later bedtime than mine I wouldn't mess with that arrangement, because it might mean that the parents got a 5.30 wakeup call the next morning.

I think free babysitting is great if you can get it and there are some things you have to overlook (red wine stains in the carpet being one: I'm looking at you, MIL), but this is a difficult one because your FIL is ignoring your wishes and thinks you're being silly.

muffinflop · 20/11/2011 20:24

My Dsis babysat for my DS (6) and DD (5) last night. They love it because they know, even though I say they have to go to bed at 8pm, she lets them stay up until they fall asleep pretty much. I don't mind, it's once in a while and they're having a good time with their Auntie.

If you don't want DS to stay up late with FIL you either don't ask him to babysit or don't go out until DS is asleep.

RitaMorgan · 20/11/2011 20:30

One night doesn't matter though does it? Today wasn't even a school day!

If it was every night then it would be an issue, but a late Saturday night now and again isn't unreasonable.

ballstoit · 20/11/2011 20:45

YABU. Just go out later next time and put him to bed before you go. I know if DBro and SIL babysit, that my DC will be so excited that they will be up til silly o'clock. I get them down before going out, or I prepare the next days meals and look forward to a day of refereeing tired, scrappy children Grin

onepieceofcremeegg · 20/11/2011 20:48

This is just one of the reasons we don't ask the ils to babysit. Another reason is they like to arrive around 6pm and be given a hot meal. (usually cooked by me which defeats the object of us going out for a meal)Then they spend an hour or two being "difficult". Then dh and I come back and are subject to another hour or more of "difficultness".

Our solution? I'd rather stay in and have a takeaway, or if we can afford it pay for a babysitter. :)

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