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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want a minute by minute account of her pregnancy...

27 replies

theoldfrazzledazzle · 19/11/2011 18:55

I'm 29 weeks pregnant, and my friend is about 7 weeks pregnant. I'm probably going to come across as quite mean, but since she found out that she is pregnant, I have been bombarded with information about every detail of her pregnany, from 6.30am text messages which read 'ooh guess what, I've just been sick', telling me as soon as she had purchased folic acid, to messages even to inform me that she has NOT yet got a date through the post for her first midwife appointment. I am getting an absolute blow by blow account of literally everything.

I understand how excited she's feeling, as I am in the same position. But from the moment that I told her that me and my partner were trying to conceive, and throughout my first two trimesters, she was clearly not interested in any aspect of my pregnany, or my marriage earlier this year. She hasn't been interested in my scan pictures, feeling baby move, wedding pictures, baby names, job news...anything really. So I'm a bit fucked off that she thinks that I should be so interested in every minor detail of her pregnancy!

AIBU? And WIBU to text back saying something sarcastic to the next 6.30am text, eg: 'Ooh, I'm sure I didn't keep you so well informed during my first trimester.' Or am I just being bitchy and hormonal?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 19/11/2011 18:57

YANBU at all, just don't reply to them and hopefully she will get the message.

worraliberty · 19/11/2011 18:58

You're being very bitchy

I don't know if you're hormonal but I don't think it's any excuse even if you are

She's a friend, she's excited get over it

Maybe she found it difficult paying too much interest to yours because she was desperate for a baby herself, who knows?

BroomForMyChin · 19/11/2011 18:58

Well it's nice that she's so excited. But doesn't she realise nobody relishes a 'I've just been sick text'? I think mostly YANBU but I wouldn't be too bitchy about it if you actually value her friendship.

pigletmania · 19/11/2011 19:03

I am 30 weeks pg at the moment with dc2, and even when I was pg with dd, I would never subject that kind of personal information onto everyone. I am a keep it to yourself kind of person though. There was a FB friend a while ago who would put status about her being sick every morning, it was blugh having to read them.

thebigkahuna · 19/11/2011 19:03

This would be my approach!

her text: "I've just been sick!!"

your text "Oh no! Did you see X factor last night? Can't believe xxxx went!"

Or something equally vacuous. Attention seekers get the message when you change the subject, IME.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 19/11/2011 19:03

text her back, with your pregnancy..... like baby just kicked, just felt baby hiccup ect.

troisgarcons · 19/11/2011 19:05

Pregnant women, especially pregnant for the first time are boring. End Of.

ISayHolmes · 19/11/2011 19:09

"But from the moment that I told her that me and my partner were trying to conceive, and throughout my first two trimesters, she was clearly not interested in any aspect of my pregnany, or my marriage earlier this year. She hasn't been interested in my scan pictures, feeling baby move, wedding pictures, baby names, job news...anything really."

Honestly? It sounds like she doesn't care about hearing about you at all and you're just there to listen to her to talk about herself. If she doesn't care about anything in your life then why be friends with her? Sometimes it takes a while to clock onto the fact that someone is like this, but personally I don't think that they're much of a friend if they're totally about themselves with little regard for anything going on with you. Stop replying and let her find another pair of ears to pour herself into.

thebigkahuna · 19/11/2011 19:14

Is it possible you overshared with her to begin with? And now she's doing the same?

It's just I've never told any of my friends (even the very close ones) that we were TTC, or expected them to be interested in either my marriage, or my pregnancy.

Just wondered if you've set a bit of a precedent? Maybe? Only you know.

Original poster
theoldfrazzledazzle · 19/11/2011 19:18

Thebigkahuna - No I only tried to share things such as, 'would you like to see my scan picture?', 'would you like to see our wedding pictures?', 'it's a girl!'

I certainly didn't send text messages announcing that I had been sick etc.

OP posts:
thebigkahuna · 19/11/2011 19:19

Ok, only you know the truth, I don't disbelieve you Smile

Original poster
theoldfrazzledazzle · 19/11/2011 19:22

I may overshare from now on though. 3am texts announcing that I have woken up to use the toilet? No, only joking.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/11/2011 19:24

That doe sound incredibly dull! 7 weeks into both of pregnancies and neither time nothing exciting had happened other than maybe a UTI. Maybe if you just ignore all the updates she'll get bored of your non-reaction and irritate someone else?

PinkFondantFancy · 19/11/2011 19:25

I agree with the others. Just text back changing the subject, she'll get the message soon enough.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/11/2011 19:27

Nah do that Grin especially if like me near end when you're up every hour on the bleeding hour! Or how about if/when you struggle to sleep due to beifn uncomfortable minute by minute updates of "can't sleep." "Still can't sleep." "Soooo uncomfortable!" etc etc.

thebigkahuna · 19/11/2011 19:30

Is there any chance she's just trying to do a pregnancy camaraderie thing?

Original poster
theoldfrazzledazzle · 19/11/2011 19:37

I don't think so because she doesn't want to know any info about my pregnancy (not that I would expect everyone to want to know, I understand that it's not always as exciting for others/can be boring. But she's more than happy to share, without wanting to listen). The only comments she has made to me relating to the fact that I am pregnant have been since she has also been pregnant, and they are along the lines of 'you do know that you can't eat pate don't you' said in a patronising tone (I didn't intend to eat pate anyway). Of course, she is the authority now on all things pregnancy related, seeing as she is 7 weeks into her first pregnancy.

OP posts:
youtalkintome · 19/11/2011 19:38

YANBU it's all very yawn once you've been through it but unfortunately you probably do have to humour her a bit.

thebigkahuna · 19/11/2011 19:45

She sounds like a bit of a self-obsessed know it all.

Has she always been like this?

smartyparts · 19/11/2011 19:49

There are few people more tedious than pregnancy bores, apart maybe, from baby bores!

I have friends that drove me nuts when pg, but just grit your teeth1

redexpat · 19/11/2011 19:49

"I'm so glad that you're pregnant, but do you think you could just stick to the highlights?"

Failing that send her

ZillionChocolate · 19/11/2011 20:20

Or send her to the stfu parents blog:

www.stfuparentsblog.com/tagged/Bun%20In%20The%20Oven

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 19/11/2011 22:37

I too agree that changing the subject is the best thing with this type of person. Or ditching her as a friend as she isn't interested in anything about you. I can't stand people that think everyone wants to hear about them all the time and have no interest in anyone else

A1980 · 19/11/2011 22:41

If she shows no interest in you, I would wonder whether she's worth having as a friend.

As for texts saying "I've just been sick I wouldn't be able to not say anything. I would have told her that I do not need to hear that sort of infomration adn can't she discuss it with DP.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 19/11/2011 23:27

Why not just reply - "Too much information!" or "You woke me up to tell me that??!". Makes it into a bit of a joke but also let's her know she's over sharing.

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