to think DH needs to tell this man where to go and to be getting pissed off he wont?

[Dirtydishesmakemesad]

Dh is a self employed web developer.He has run his own business for two years. for the past year he has been doing alot of work for one man with a few smalle jobs as well. This man is awful paying, he pays 200 here 200 there its "oh can i pay next week" or some pie in the sky scheme he has. Our income was never high but we managed nicely the first year (without this client) and since dh was recovering from depression when we set the business up it suited us.

This client hasnt paid for about 6 weeks (and he owed money even before that he was supposed to be paying weekly because of this) not only that he doesnt seem to have any prospect of being able to pay in the near future - he tried to get a few websites done cheaply by going to some company in inida and of course it backfired badly and all of those sites want a refund. He has now told dh that these websites (that dh has never even seen before) need finishing before he can pay dh ANYTHING. It is weeks of work and aparently he has promised they will be done in a few days (not possible) DH has for months now been working 7 days a week pretty much all day and yet we have nothing to show for it. We had to pay the school 50p in 2ps on friday because we didnt actually have 50p other than that.

This week i have ranted at dh so much that he has applied for other freelance work and won 4 new projectss - all of whom will pay more than this guy does even when he does bother paying. My DH is GOOD at what he does and he can get other work when he wants and yet he is still spending god knows how long trying to work with this guy.

The last month for example our income has been less that £300 - for long days 7 days a week WTF I dont get why dh doesnt tell him to piss off??!

Ok it means no work from him n the future but we have no money now so im not sure how that is any worse. Surely by gettign rid of this guy he can concentrate on people who will actually pay him for his time.

I may have just told my dh to grow a pair - so its a bit of an after the fact OP but still AIBU?

I'm just offending you left right and centre! Sorry :o

im really not sure whats going on. In everything else he seems normal with other clients he is normal although there are few of those until this week. He has really good ideas, good plans but then this guy just comes along and thats it gone!. I want to get mroe involved again but i have 4 dc to look after as well and i cant sit with him arguing him away from this other guy.
I have asked hm as well if he would be happier working outside the house (as in finishing the business and getting a job again) he was offered an interview not long ago but he didnt want to.

I am very worried this was annoying but not too bad until a few months ago but now i feel totally at the mercy of this other guy - i am pregnant so cant realistically get a job for months and even if i could not sure how much that would help at this point!

I know you shouldn't have to do this, and you might have your own job to do (and remember that SAHMs do bring in money, by keeping money in the family!), but could you take over the interaction between your family business and this client at least? It sounds as though you are detached, unafraid, and hacked off enough to do a better job of credit control than your DH.

If you demonstrate to him how to deal with this arsehole, and your situation doesn't get worse (as others have said: how could it?), he could gain some confidence in doing it this way himself. Longer-term, if you had to take over that side of things for him, making it a more family-run business (rather than just freelance work by him), that could work, too, if you are willing.

offending me? Lordie no. Not for a second.

I've just been there - been beholden to a customer. Years ago, we ran a care agency and about 2/3 of our business came from one customer (huge company of residential homes all over the country). And it was like they were our employer! It doesn't work. You just cannot operate like that. You have to get yourself the hell out of that situation.

there's something else going on. This guy is taking advantage and pulling your DH's strings. Find out what the issue is - I do think that;s the only way

Yes, if you are an employee you have rights. If you are just treated like an employee but are on your own, you're screwed. Glad you weren't offended - I meant it as a comment on my own lack of straight talking!

Oh, dear, I missed a lot. You used to do this....

The far that this client muscled you out of a setup that seemed to be working well, and has asked for moremoremore is really disturbing.

In fact, it sounds as though psychological counselling would help your DH a lot more than business coaching, which is how it initially appeared in your OP.

Your situation re pregnancy and children does make you more vulnerable, too, so I really hope you manage to get control of this. Have you got any money of your own? Have you applied for all your mat leave benefits?

I agree, stealth. I think it is likely that this guy has sniffed out a weakness / instability and is exploiting it to the best of his ability. He has marked the OPs husband as someone he can walk over / scam / control and he is doing exactly that.

Which is why it would work for the OP to put herself in between the two and be the person who deals with him.

I have no money of my own, well i have a credit card in my name but thats it and obviously would rather not run that up on top of eveyrthing else. I havent applied for any benefits apart from we already get tax credits and child benefit for the children we have.

X amount of work for Y amount of money. That's how it goes. The money stops, the work stops.

DH needs to get other clients so he does not feel dependent on this bad payer.

I would really like to be involved in the business etc but if dh wont agree to that im not sure how. He is the one who has to actually do the work and so no matter how much i try and help or talk to him he really has to chose to work with me at the moment he seems to think i dont know what im talking about and he is better of with this other guy. The more i type the more i realise how stuck i am its pretty depressing really.

I agree with Hecate on this - and would add/reiterate that you DH needs to be very careful and stop capitulating to this man's demands ASAP - and I know, having been self employed for years and having often found myself in situations where contractors ask for a bit more and a bit more which it's really hard to turn down when you want to keep on good terms with them and do whatever it takes for them to bloody well pay ASAP. So you and he have my sympathy, and I also understand that that his lacking confidence after depression makes the sort of assertiveness and boundary setting that's needed here even harder.
BUT: by doing the extra work, your DH is making it much harder for himself now and with possible later contracts with this man. If, say, he had to go to a county court to make a claim for payment, then the court would probably consider what work he's provided in previous contracts - i.e. what's actually been the norm, not what the initial contract states as work to be done. So by adding all this extra stuff to his original work, he's setting a precedent for this man to make these demands of him in the future.
And all that's aside from the basic position that this man's clearly taking what he can get, and will continue to do so.
Make sure your DH stops this job ASAP until he's paid. And invoices for extra work done, if possible.

You could also suggest that your DH charges interest for every week/month he's not paid.

OP, YANBU and your husband needs to cut his losses on this.

He needs to focus on new business. If at all possible he should pursue the debt owed to him by the former client, but do no more work for him until it is paid - and any new work should attact a fee paid up front.

Lessons learned, and all that.

That is depressing.

Trying a different tack, has your DH got any family or friends whose opinion he relies on more than yours (sorry to rub that in; however, this sounds serious enough to swallow pride for, and you can always rub in later what you had to do to get him to listen to reason)?

Also, you mentioned that he had been depressed: is that diagnosis still open; is there a follow-up schedule, for making sure he doesn't go down again?

Cutting losses and focussing on new business would be far better than continuing to submit to the yoke of a contractor who bahaves like this one, IMO.
That way you can clear the decks and set proper boundaries from the start.

I agree with Hecate and stealth, I think you need to take over the management as your DH doesn't seem to be making competent, rational decisions in his dealings with this guy. I would push your DH to have no further dealings with this guy as he is totally taking advantage of your DH.

OP - we went through something similar, and it ended with my DH being admitted to hospital due to stress related illness at the age of 29. It is unsure if he will get the rest of the money from the client, but I am glad he has agreed not to do anymore work for him.
Unfortunately I have no idea how to get your DH to say no to this client, my DH only wisened after the health scare.

plupervert his mum has told him the exact same things i have told him, there is a large gap between his brothers and him (20 years between him and the next youngest) so they dont have a very close relationship more like uncles i doubt he woudl talk to them.

The depression is pretty complicated but basically he was fine everything wonderful then he had a hernia and a repair operation which left him with a serious infection. He took a couple of months to recover and seemed ok until one day he woke up upset didnt want to go to work, get out of bed was just run down all the time he eventually lost his job. We set up the business as we needed money and we also moved across the country to be near to his family and where he grew up as he seemed to want to do this. He was on medication (i think it was citalopram) but he stopped taking them after a few weeks. After a couple of months he went back to the doctor who said "hmm did you know you are yellow?" and sent him for tests for things like hepatitis etc which all came back negative - he is no longer yellow but he will not go back to the doctors and tbh he seems fine apart from this one issue. He is happy, kind fun to be around apart from this one thing which is just eating away at everything!

I have shown dh a few of the replies on this thread, (not the whole thread as i forgot to name change which i should have :) )he hasnt replied you never know maybe it will give hima push to talk to me at least.

It sounds to me as if your DH - like many, many self-employed people - hasn't had much advice on his basic legal rights - which actually aren't complex at all, and are much greater than lots of people in his sort of position imagine them to be. And oncwe contractors know that you know your rights and how to enforce them they generally fall into line quite quickly. (Sorry if I sound preachy and strident, but it's true.)
It also helps if you can give the impression that you're not reliant on any individual's goodwill and have a number of other contracts on the go.
I think that sadly, once clients/contractors start to believe that you're dependent on them, they think you're putty in their hands.

Send out a hit man to the "client", then....

Can you make an appointment with your local Citizens' Advice Bureau, to work out whether there is anything you can do to protect yourself? Your household income is under threat, by both this delinquent and your DH (sad though the latter is).

Also try Business Link, to see whether there is any way you, as joint business owner, can sack a delinquent client, start proceedings against him if your business partner is reluctant, etc.

I am going to look into that - the business is a limited company i am a director and shareholder with dh. I wonder if i can force any sort of involvment? technically i should have equal say?

Check 'small claims' or county courts on HMCS web site?
Or am I over simplifiyng this?

I know I have watched too much Star Trek , but emotional issues can be a good means for relieving someone of command/responsibilities!

hit man may be tax deductible, make sure you look into that