To be livid that H stays out late...

[firsttimemum77]

First of all sorry if there are typo's. I'm still in bed and using my phone to type.

I need a MN jury here to tell me whether it is me BU or H, as H seems to think that what I'm pissed off about is normal, all men do it and I'm the mental one with a problem. In fact he can't see a problem at all and I over react!

So here's the deal - H goes out with his mates after work for a 'few drinks' and at least once a month comes home at 5am - other times 1,2 or 3am. He never tells me he will be that late or is considerate enough to phone me when he is going to that late even whilst he is out... So I'm up like an idiot 1) worrying 2) imagining all sorts. Yes! I have even thought he us with other women! He cheated on me 10 years ago and obviously when ever he goes out until stupid o' clock those issues come flooding back!

Please be honest

1. am I being unreasonable to be angry?
2. do all men do this and is it normal?
3. should I accept it and say nothing and let him continue?
4. what would you do?

Please note he is 31 and we have a 4 year old. Although his cheating was 10 years ago his staying out started when I was pregnant. Whilst I was pregnant he stayed out til 9am and when he did return had stitches in his finger as he had 'fallen down'. He has come out with his head bashed (said fell down), he has crashed the car whilst out with his mates.

That's just some background to give you an idea. Just to make clear I don't care if he goes out all I ask is that he comes home at a reasonable time - he's a married man yet I feel like he is living like a bachelor!

Pictish - I know I'm not his mum! What a stupid thing to say!
A compromise would be him coming in at a reasonable hour?!

Maryz - he knows that. He admits he is wrong. When he hurts himself and ends up in A&E his so called friends are nowhere to be seen (he tells me this himself).

I think is normal that he wants to go out from time to time, but you should also have the same time and he should either let you know in advance or at least give you a "courtesy" call to see if everything's ok at home and let you know he's off for the night so you're not worring

OP, did you post this before, maybe last time he went out? There was another thread which was identical and pictish said exactly the same things then.

No posting this for the first time Imperial.

I couldn't be married to a man like this, OP he is treating you with contempt. There is nothing wrong with a married parent cutting loose with their friends occasionally but there is everything wrong with the way he is behaving.

For me, the biggest issue would be his refusing to keep you informed. It is only considerate to let you partner know where you are and when you are expecting to be home... even if it is just a - "out with the boys, probably late home - don't wait up!" sort of message. Otherwise you don't know what is going on, and it is worrying.

Maryz I read it that he goes out a lot but about once a month it is a 5amer.

Maryz - about once a month he will come home at 5am. On other nights during the month he will come home at 1,2 or 3am. He goes out more than once a month - not just once a month. If it was just once a month fair enough I wouldn't care.

So how often is it that he is going out? Once a week? Every day?