To Uninvite the PILs for Christmas?

[ViviPru]

Accidentally forgot how unpleasant they were and suggested they might like to join us for Christmas. I remembered almost immediately, but by then it was too late. Still, they only tentatively accepted.

AIBU to change my mind?

Think we may need more information... How are they unpleasant?

Eeek! Can't think of a way out of this, I'm afraid. think its too late now, grin and bear it.

YANBU to change your mind but YABU if you think you'll get away with it

I suppose you could say that as they hadn't confirmed they would be joining you, you assume they've made other arrangements - and hope they have!

imogen - how did they do it?! Just ring up and say don't come? How odd.

OP I think you're being a little unreasonable actually - You did actively invite them, albeit in a moment of maddness.

Genuinely not trying to drip-feed, but its just the usual bog standard pompous, pessimistic, PA behaviour, general emotionally draining type kind of thing.

Just had a fit of festive pique and underwent a temporary brain bleach. Two hours in their company was enough to remind me why I've declined spending Christmas with them at theirs for the last 3 years (after the very last time I we went which resulted in a 24 hour feigned migraine). This year we've moved and for the first time have enough room to accommodate them (and SiL & BiL) and before I knew it I'd taken leave of my senses.

Mix a several large jug jugs of something fruity and refer to it as "the tonic cordial". Pour it lavishly in the style of Hyacinth Bucket Boo-Kay, and also develop She Who Will Not Be Denied tendencies so they cannot refuse your pourings. Make sure that the tonic cordial is at least 40% proof, with copious amounts of either alcopops for fruitiness or aftershock/jagermeister for medicinal qualities.
And breathe...

Are they far enough away that they have to stay for the whole of Christmas? Or is there any chance you could make out that your invitation was only meant to include champagne and mince pies on Christmas morning?

YABU They aren't that horrible if you temporarily forgot that you don't like them. You would be really rude to back out now. Suck it up and learn for next year.

You might find that it's better being at yours as you are in control.

If you have moved could you not have a nasty case of exploding sewer or a local outbreak of dengue fever?

I always do stuff like this - full of good intentions but then remember the reality

What does your dh think? If he's not bothered and you don't care what they think, then uninvite them with plenty of notice.

PomBear hysterical. MiL is generally referred to as Hyacinth.

Yep slave, its a good 3hr drive so probably have to be 2 nights to make it worth the trip. NoSeriously, no, seriously, they are that horrible. Imagine Hyacinth Bouquet / Zainab Masood / Eyore the Donkey married to Victor Meldrew and you wouldn't be too far off.

Kladdkaka that was kind of the reasoning, In my rose-tinted not-seen-them-for-a-good-6-months-so-my-horror-has-faded state of mind, I thought it was a bit unfair that they never get to spend Christmas with their PFB (my DP) and there's no WAY I'm spending Christmas there so thought it might be a solution if they come here. DPs pretty relaxed about it all. He thinks they're a nightmare too but feels a bit duty-bound. We concocted the invite between us.

They're currently drowning in a sea of martyrdom helping out DP's brother with an ongoing family situation so have said that things are up in the air with their Christmas plans so can we just "play it by ear a bit"?

So it wouldn't be too hard to concoct a reason why it is no longer convenient and their tentative acceptance makes it within the realms of good etiquette to change our plans...

"Play it by ear?" Hmmm.... sounds like they might think the same about you and might be regretting that they tentatively accepted your invitation. (No, I'm not the OP's MIL, before anyone asks.)

Be sure and keep one of those jugs of tonic cordial for yourself.

but if you withdraw the invite, won't they suddenly say, 'but we had it all planned, we're so upset' type thing?

sorry, got to develop a fake highly contagious illness go with it.

Or make out that you need them emotionally/financially/practically to help with something, and they'll run a mile.

Norovirus outbreak (real or imagined) should keep anyone at bay.

Haha storytopper, the thought had crossed my mind. MiL has control freakish tendencies and loves to take it upon herself to do everything then bitch and moan that its all so exhausting put on a spread herself, and who wouldn't rather be in their own home with their own stuff and do as they please all holiday?

Norovirus it is.

He thinks they're a nightmare too but feels a bit duty-bound.

That really is so sad. I have no idea what the relationship is like and what they have done/said etc I just hope when my 3 DSs are adults none of them feel they have to visit me out of "duty"

let them come to you where you have a bit of control.

Be sure to organise a midnight carol service for yourself so you can go down the pub, and some morning walks (with dog if you have one) and other get-out-of-the house events.

Did you mention that you always help out at the soup kitchen?

Don't worry, Duckdodgers, you already sound like you have infinitely more self awareness and emotional intelligence than my PiLs so I don't think you will have anything to worry about. And FWIW we gladly visit all the other rellies through choice!

Good idea about getting out of the house, PJ, although I'm a bit irked at taking the trouble to make plans for enjoyable activities when that's never reciprocated, whenever we visit them we're expected to sit dutifully in their mausoleum naice sitting room and listen to them drone on for hours make polite conversation. I'll think of it more for our benefit than theirs though.

I'm torn between reinforcing the invite so at least I can get on with making plans one way or the other, retracting it now via a mild fabrication, or just carrying on as we are in the hope their saintly duties with DPs DBro render them unable to visit anyway...

Can't you say, "Oh I'm so sorry, DH hadn't told me that he'd already accepted an invitation to X for Christmas. We'll have to spend it with you another time." (ie in another life.)