to fucking hate poncy sleb chef types.

[AtYourCervix]

for the following reasons.#

none of them speak clearly

theyuse twattishprases liek 'de-glazing' 'sweating'and' jus' which are made up and bollocks.

they do wanky things like putting their fces too close to the roasting try while they sprinkle on herbs

and they tap the chopping boqard with their knives before chopping stuff.

fucking stupid twatty wanky bollocks.

Grumpy, really? Hadn't noticed.

YANBU. And they're so immodest, bragging about how marvellous their cooking is.
I bet my auntie can cook loads of dishes that taste much better than theirs and serve it all up in warmed dishes on the table and keep the kitchen tidy as she goes. But she doesn't introduce it by telling us how fantastic it is. And she doesn't swear. Or wipe her raw-meat-covered-hands in a cloth. (She washes them). Sorry, but I she sweats onions. But she makes her own stock.

and you know what also fucks me off hugely?

when the poncy wanky chef type puts a spoon of jus gravy on the plate then smears it a bit, then piles on top the food.

ust looks messy and toddlerish and twattish.

and oiled up ffod? what the fuck? a snadcastle of rice with some meqt and vegetables balancing on the top.

hmmm. i am now making no sense atalll. the drigs have kicked in. timefora nap.

My frying pan is lidless :( .......

They're catering terms - what's the deal?? You get terms in all professions, decorating, car mechanics to name only a couple.
What's bad about expanding your vocabulary ?

You've forgotten 'pan fry'.

And the obligatory 'drizzle of olive oil' over the perfectly good food, rendering it horribly greasy and inedible, but nicely telegenic.

Actually, I've just thought of what is, imo, the height of chef poncery.

Foam.

They actually have cannisters of pressurised air to make flavoured 'foam' to serve with the meal. Pork belly with apple & sage jus and an aniseed foam. And you get a little blob of this slimy stuff at the side of the plate that presumably tastes of air that has at some point had some aniseed wafted in it.

'the drigs have kicked in. timefora nap.' Teehee sleep well cervix. (hopes someone else is picking cervix's dc up from school)

But terms like "sweating," "jus," and whatnot were actually coined to remove the mystery of their actions.

Sweating is a very specific technique, with a very specific outcome (transluscent and tender rather than brown and crispy, for example). If you said "gently fry" people would all interpret that differently. I certainly wouldn't equate it with sweating.

ha Misspenteuth i thought you were berserking over telly chefs for moment there

YANBU oP. I watch and hate every one of them.

My top 3 hated poncey chefs are:
Nigel Slater
Rachel Allen
Well that's just 2.

I hate the way their glossy swish lifestyles make up half the programme.

Sweating v frying? Well that's just the sort of thing chef's should concentrate on, imo. Not snipping herbs from their fragrant kitchen gardens or using their 'friends' as accessories in their self promotion.

"chaperoned by a dad of sauce"

I want some of those drigs : )

I hate the olive oil thing too. Jamie Oliver is the worst offender, I'm pretty certain I've seen him drizzle it over icecream.

I don't object to most of the terminology though, every profession has its jargon. And sweating onions isn't the same as frying them.

Please excuse rogue apostrophes in my post

No MisPenteuth, foam has been usurped.

Culinary term du jour if this years' Masterchef is anything to go by is " gastrique "

e.g "Pan Seared Loin of Venison with a Blackberry Gastrique"

Even keen amateur chef and possessor of enormous vocabulary, Mr VP, had to google it. His conclusion = What A Twat.

Jamie doesn't drizzle his olive oil - he uses lugs of the stuff

theyuse twattishprases liek 'de-glazing' 'sweating'and' jus' which are made up and bollocks

No they are not bollocks and YABU

catgirl1976 Arf, only just clocked your posy

posy? wtf? post

MissPenteuth - I am shocked and saddened to hear that you do not serve your family 'Pan-fried cod in an artisan breadcrumb crust, with a tomato jus'. For shame.

And can I have some of what AtYourCervix is on, please!

No no no the height of poncy was in this week's Masterchef pro quarter final where there was 'orange and basil dust'!

Foam has been usurped.

I would love to claim it as mine vivi but it was off some comedy programme - DH and I often quote it when faced with very poncey menus :)

i have had a small nap and i have one further comment to make.

LEAVES

LEAVES???????????

I love your reasons for not liking them. Var funny. Esp faces too close to the pan.

You are comic genius today, cervix.