to want a bit of attention from my best friend?

[NoobyNoob]

Me and my BF have been friends since secondary school (now both 28), we're really close, do a lot of things together, she's Godmother to my DS,etc.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant at the moment and have just been diagnosed with OC. I had it with DS so semi expected it to come back, only this time my unborn baby isn't growing either. We're all very worried and have lots of scans and things next week.

Anyway, she hasn't once asked how I am this week. She was due to come over on Tuesday night, which is the day I found out about the OC and the growth problem. So by the time I got back from four hours at the hospital I just wanted to have a bath and go to bed. So I called her to apologise and said that I'm just not up to it.

Since then, she hasn't called or texted me, and it's really upset me. I know she's about and OK because she's on FB. I've text her a few times to see what she's up to, but it feels like her tone with me has changed. I comment on a few of her FB things, and she acknowledges everyones comments but mine.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut her off, but at the same time I need some support at the moment and I feel like she's acting like a child. I can really do without this as well. But then, I don't know if it's me and taking it all out of context which I sometimes have a habit of doing.

Meh.

Know how you feel. My very good friend of 20 years didn't bat an eyelid when I told her my parents were splitting up after 43 years of marriage. I was really upset but apparently she coudln't give a toss Sympathies to you.

It sounds like she doesn't really understand - does she have kids of her own? I'm 23w with dc1, and the only friends who have patience with my exhaustion are those who've been through it - and I'm having an "easy" pregnancy!

I reckon all you can do is stay friendly, and it sounds like you are doing that already. Try not to take it personally (though I know that is not easy). Was she like this with your 1st pregnancy?

whats OC

No, she doesn't have children of her own. She works with them though, the newborn variety!

She was a bit shit with my first pregnancy at the beginning, she's even admitted this to me. By the end though, she was round everyday and was the first person to see him other than my DH at the hospital. She buys him clothes, has looked after him on a few occasions for us, she just dotes on him. Even that has stopped, and I can't remember the last time she actually saw him as everytime she comes over he's in bed.

I can feel myself getting angry with her, and I don't want to but just can't seem to stop it.

Agree with Viking. Is she one of those people who doesn't deal with "heavy" stuff very well? It's no excuse I know but some people just don't.

Here's some info ditzy:

Perhaps she is Meta4, I thought she was good at helping with big problems but perhaps she just doesn't want to anymore. I just want her to ask me how I am and give me one her lovely big hugs.

Could it be she's not sure what to say to you as she's upset about what your going through?

I'm not saying she should be but some people become very tongue tied when faced with others' bad news. My friend recently had similar growth issues with her baby and it was hard being positive as possible with her whilst being genuinely worried about the situation for myself as her friend. My friends baby was born at 40 weeks weighting over 7 lbs in the end and I really hope for a similar outcome for you. [hugs]

Has she got any stuff going on in her life that might make her feel like she isn't up to supporting you? If not, unfortunately it sounds like she just for whatever reason doesn't want to be involved in what another poster refers to as "heavy stuff".

YANBU at hoping a best friend would be a bit less rubbish and hope that you get some more positive news about your pregnancy soon.

well im asumming oc not orange county she's being very childish maybe you have outgrown each other or she,s a moody cow.

I understand that you feel hurt, but I think you should talk to her before deciding anything. You don't have to be accusative, - just contact her and say 'I really miss you! I feel like I havent seen you for ages. Let's meet up?' Her response will allow you to gauge if there is something wrong.

There could be any number of reasons for her to be acting like this, - maybe something has happened in her life, but she doesnt want to burden you with it, since you are pregnant. Maybe there has a been a misunderstanding, or someone has been stirring. Maybe she mistook your 'I'm really tired, can we cancel tonight?' as something else. Maybe she finds you being pregnant difficult (for whatever reason) and finds the idea of there being complications even harder.

Or maybe she feels you lean on her too much? You say she doesnt have children, but is really involved with your's, - coming over every day is a LOT to expect. You say now you 'really need her support' - I'm sure you are equally supportive to her, but maybe it doesn't feel that way at the moment?

Ignore all the spelling and grammar errors in my post. Hopefully it still makes sense.

Hmmm, I was just thinking of writing her an email telling her how I'm feeling, do you think it's a really bad idea?

I don't think she has anything major on at the moment. She's not metioned anything to me and she certainly seems upbeat on FB.

Thank you for the well wishes BTW, tis nice :)

She is probably one of those people who if she doesn't know what to say, then she'll avoid the whole issue - which means avoiding you. I sympathise - a completely different situation, but this illustrates it. When my dad died suddenly last year (horrific experience, most people didn't really know what to say), quite a few friends steered clear of me for a few weeks. I think it made them uncomfortable to be around and not know what to say, so it was easiest to avoid the whole issue.

Is she a good friend the rest of the time? If she is, then it probably is just this. If she's always been a bit princessy, I'd think differently...

Don't want to recommend talking to her about it as it might make her more uncomfortable still, but that has to be up to you. Or if she is selfish (the princessy option) then it might open her eyes.

I would say be careful with an email about how you feel, for a couple of reasons:

• you can easily come accross harsher than your intend
• it is easy for them to misinterpret what you say

- if you are angry, the process of typing it out will wind you up, and you will end up overstating things. -you don't know when someone has received it -its a bit cowardly

I would advise you to call her.

Don't write her an e-mail or overthink this, please. If the last thing you did was cancelling her visit because you weren't up to it, she could well just be giving you some space. Why don't you just call her for a chat? Or ask her to come over again? I'm sure it's not this big problem, though I know it can feel like people let us down when they don't act the same as we might in the situation.

I was thinking the same as pinkdelight. As you cancelled she may just be giving you some time and space, she may be worried that if she contacts you then you may feel obliged to see her. I say this as when a close relatives child was in hospital I obviously went to visit, however, as she was improving I knew others wanted to visit so I stepped back, not because I didn't care but I didn't want to overwhelm my relative. I thought it better my relative had time with her dc and dh rather than entertaining a lot of visitors.

I'd just invite her over again and perhaps make a point of saying how lovely it is to see her and have her around

Why not gve herv a call and talk to her.