To be annoyed with my flaky friend?

[giggitygiggity]

Was supposed to be going over to spend the day with my friend who is 36 weeks pg. It's been arranged for a while, it's an hours drive for me with 2yr old DD, have been looking forward to it all week as a nice day out for us both. We only see her a few times a year, but used to live v close and be really good friends.

Planned to leave here at 10, she sent a text at 9 cancelling as she's really tired and wants to go back to bed. (All day?). This bit was my fault, but i didnt have phone on me so didnt get message until i was literally putting my shoes on to walk out the door to leave at 10am.

So AIBU to feel narked by this? I'm now left with nothing planned to do with DD all day, trying to explain why we're not going to see X.

I'm also pg, also had no sleep last night and now have to find a load of activities to fill the day with a noisy toddler. It just strikes me as a bit selfish, and I KNOW you're allowed to be selfish when you're pg, but this is not the first time she's cancelled on me at really short notice and left me hanging. Surely a phone call would have been a bit more polite than a text? Grrr!

Your pregnant friend is feeling so tired/unwell that she needs to go back to bed and you are pissed of with her? Really?

YABU

Ahhh, she's 36 weeks pregnant and feeling crap & tired - and strangely enough doesn't fancy spending the day with a "noisy toddler" - come on, you can't blame her! Tough on you, of course, but not much you can do really. Is her pg her first by any chance - I think many of us do tend to over-dramatise a bit towards the end of first pgs.

I had mates cancel coming over once (again, organised weeks if not months in advance, good mates) because "...they were tired from putting up a roller blind all day". They cancelled an hour before supper was due on the table.... Your mate isn't trying hard enough!

I would be pissed off at the text - a phone call is more polite.

But she's feeling unwell and obviously needs to have a quiet day, poor thing. Van you arrange something for another day?

Take your toddler to the park and wear him/her out this morning and quiet afternoon at home :)

If this is a first YABU.

If she's been flaky before and regularly cancels things then YANBU.

Hmmm....I can see why you're annoyed.

this is not the first time she's cancelled on me at really short notice and left me hanging.

I think this is the root of it, - if it was a one-off I expect you'd just think 'Oh, poor thing, she's tired' and not be annoyed.

But if it's part of a wider pattern of her changing plans, being selfish and unreliable and generally messing you about, then I can understand your reaction.

Yes funnypeculiar, that's a fair point, hadn't thought of it that way!

Surely there's not a soul alive that wouldn't want my DELIGHTFUL DD running around their ankles?... :o

(and yes, it's her first)

I would be a bit annoyed. I have a friend who has occasionally canceled things because she wants to nap. It bugs me mostly because I haven't had a good nights sleep for 5 years and would love to nap. She came and stayed with me once when I had a newborn and toddler and excused herself for a nap in the afternoon! Anyway, she is due to have her first dc next year and I am planning to find a way to nap in front of her!

I understand why you are annoyed giggitygiggity but I also see your friends side too.

I had a friend round with her 2 DC when I was 37 weeks pregnant (and feeling very tired) and it nearly put me off kids ... a bit too late by then I guess

Cut her some slack this time (I know it's hard as she's done this before) and enjoy a day with you daughter. Maybe play sleeping lions while you read a magazine?

Fingers crossed she won't let you down again when she realises how hard it is to prepare a day out with DC.

I agree a phone call would have been better. but I think she may fall into the before children/after children dividing line (assuming this is her first). Can u try to find a way to tell her you missed her company, without having a go?
Tis so rude when people demand naps in the company of an exhausted mother of young kiddies

I know, you just don't think the same way before you have children. She'll understand in a few years!

I'm just more disappointed than anything really, as was really looking forward to it.

This is the last few weeks she'll be able to put her feet up and rest undisturbed...I don't blame her!

You are definately NOT being unreasonable. It would really piss me off. I know it's tiring when you're heavily pregnant but all she needed to do was welcome you to her house, sit back and chat to you! Not as if she had to look after your DC or anything. Nothing worse than having a lovely day planned, an excited toddler, then being let down last minute. It must have put you off planning anything else with her now, if she keeps letting you down.

Any chance "really tired" is code for "just going into labour"?

Oh for heavens sake, she's 36 weeks pregnant! You have no idea how her pregnancy is actually going, they're all different. I'm sure she was looking forward to seeing you too, so to cancel it, she must be feeling pretty rough.

I also see the MN patronising attitude towards non-parents is rearing its irritating little head again...

It's annoying that it's a last minute cancellation but maybe she didn't want to cancel to soon in advance in case she felt up to it on the day.

I think feeling tired and shite is a valid reason to cancel tbh. when I'm very tired I am not a sociable person at all!

I don't think YABU for being disappointed when you were looking forward to it and had nothing else planned.

But pregnancy can be hard - I've spent weeks lately wishing everyone would just go away and leave me alone, and I'm only 26 weeks. At the end of my last pregnancy I practically cried if someone expected me to have a conversation.

Even if she's done this before during the pregnancy, I wouldn't put much pass on it. Maybe it's just been that bad. What was she like before she got pregnant?