to want to reach out to an acquaintance who has just had a baby?

[RubyWho]

A casual acquaintance recently added me to FB (Sorry!). I knew her donkeys years ago, and she saw that I'd now had two babies, and was pregnant herself when she added me some 5 months ago.
She had her baby about 6wks ago; it was a difficult birth, and she seems to have received terrible aftercare in the PN Ward. Since then, we've been e-mailing back and forth about Baby Stuff.
I suspect she is suffering from PND, and want to offer some support/advice. She seems very detached from her DC, which is entirely understandable really. I suffered from PPP/PND myself and remember feeling so desperate, alone, and bewildered. I thought the world had carried on without me, and I was left behind, petrified and responsible for a tiny baby who I resented, actually. If someone had reached out to me, it would have made my recovery that bit easier.
My DH thinks I should butt out and leave her be, and let her message me if she needs to but I can't shake the feeling that something is 'up' with her, and desperately want to offer some kind of support without being too much of a know it all, or whatever.
WWYD?

Do you have the option of meeting up in real life for a coffee and a chat first? Often things come across different online and in person.

Oops - differently!

I am in a similar situation to your friend - please reach out to her, because, for me, starting the conversation and asking for help is so so hard. She might not have the strength to message you, even if she really needs it. So long as you're not announcing a diagnosis and telling her what to do, I would't think you're a know it all.

W&P: If I wasn't so socially awkward, I would! I am still dealing with PND myself and find meeting people face to face incredibly difficult still (It's like the blind leading the blind here!)
LaurenTS: Thanks. I think I will send her a message. My MIL recognised my PND and got me to open up, I would NEVER EVER have spoken about it otherwise, especially in the beginning when it was PPP really and I was totally struggling.

Ok well in that case I think you should probably trust your own judgement and instincts rather than your DH's as you have first hand experience. Even if she's actually coping ok I'm sure she'll be pleased to know you care.

She is emailing you already, so it's not as if you would be cold calling out of the blue. It would be a natural progression to go from FB to emails to suggesting getting together for a coffee. Go for it!

Those early weeks can be very difficult. YOu may be right and she is starting to have PND, but it's also true that many many mums feel bewildered and a bit distanced from it all, but don't go on to have PND, so try to just be supportive and interested but not to project too much. She may just be feeling her way, and few people feel a really instant bond.

I would keep chatting to her, don't suggest she has PND, but more tell her about your own experiences and see if she picks up on them. The suggestions to give her a call or meet up are good, I think you couldn't really know someone'se mental state from a few emails if you don't know them well beforehand.

Put it as a natural progression, as in, "you would love to see the baby".

You will have to proceed carefully, the more my DH tried to tell me that something was wrong, the more i clammed up and pushed him away.

PND is different for every sufferer. Also make sure that you are not reading to much into what she is saying and projecting your own experience onto her.

A new mum can find it incredibly tough without it being PND.

Huh, I didn't even consider I might be projecting, but I suspect those who suggested are probably right. It's a minefield! Her baby and my DC1 were the same in terms of being 'high needs', so perhaps I will send her message asking how it's all going, DC1 was the same, I can sympathise, etc etc. So far she has asked my advice about breastfeeding, and also how to proceed with an official complaint (I worked in Law in a previous, non-baby sick covered life).

Perhaps, if you could find the strength to do it, you could ask her to meet up by explaining you have been battling with some pnd and could do with getting out of the house. I would have thought that someone else opening up about how they feel could be just what she needs to feel safe to also open up, if that is how she feels.

Lauren ...are you getting the support you need now?