to not let ILs take DD out

[PenguinArmy]

hopefully having ILs in the title will get this answered quickly.

They are due in 30 mins but DD isn't well. The plan was for them to take her for 4 hours. This child fights sleep and doesn't sleep anywhere other than bed generally (e.g. it takes 3 hours in the buggy for her to fall asleep when well). Except this morning she just laid on the floor and went to sleep (shes 20 months). They see her every 3 months, but we will see them at xmas (xmas eve & day in fact).

What shall I say?

They are only here for her, have no interest in me (which is fair enough). They are also pretty non stop and intense with her so won't let her rest.

You know, it isn't fair enough that they have no interest in you. You are their family too now, you're not just the brood mare. Coming to visit one person in a house and not being "interested" in another member of your family who is there, is just plain rude.

People on here are talking as though dd is some kind of possession that you're refusing to share. But she is a person. If she was an adult, she could say "actually, I don't feel at all well today, I've got an upset stomach, perhaps you could visit another day?" and no one would think that rude or unwelcoming or at all unreasonable. As she isn't an adult, it is your job to say those kind of things for her.

I realise this is too late - I hope it went ok. I just suspect that you might now be feeling guilty over whatever decision you made, whichever way it went (there's always scope for a bit of guilt in a family!).

Completley agree with Bertha!

They have no interest in DH either :( it really gets to him and is horrible to watch when he starts talking to them and they cut him without fail to marvel at DD moving her finger or something. tbh I'm glad and relieved they've taken an interest in DS. I do try and stay with them but after a few hours of being ignored I then retreat. As much as I find them annoying, I believe they will have a great relationship with their grandparents. I'm just looking forward to when my part is to hand them over for the day and they're big to say no to things they don't like (which DD being near tantrums is)

I had a lot of guilt as when DD was born I knew we were moving the states for 1 possibly two years so would let everything go, that relationship continues to linger. What I find sad is they are desperate to see DD do the things we say she can do, but because they're so intense she isn't given the space to get on with her thing IYSWIM. I then spend my time trying to engineer situations where that can happen.

I feel I have been more than welcoming. They were here to 'help' but in order to maximise their time with DD I have been unable to go to anything I actually wanted to and cancelled other plans. Plus spent the week doing loads of extra housework so that they don't panic and think we're not coping. They know none of this btw.

It went OK, they are leaving in a few hours. The first day was pretty horrible for me, they tried to start DD potty training while I was hanging up washing. When she came into the room I was BF DS in, MIL came in (continually talking so I couldn't say anything with out being rude) picked her and took her out despite her crying and shouting for me. I know they want to spend as much time but still... The reason I wanted her rested yesterday was so that she would hopefully be well enough for swimming today which they have really wanted to see her do for ages, otherwise I would have been more amenable to a shorter outing yesterday. They had a great time watching her today and were thrilled with it (despite being told they weren't allowed in the pool as well).

thanks to pictish I calmly said no to DD but offered DS and they accepted. I then put DD down and she slept for 3 hours so it was the right decision.

I may be over reacting but I'm hormonal and sleep deprived with a breast feeding 5 week DS, but I do honestly want the best for them as well.