AIBU to be so worried...

[mummystar]

I have two DDS. One is in y4. We moved her last year in march to a new RC school and still awaiting place for a DD2.The thing is, she is very good in her studies, higher than average,she goes to a dance academy and does some few more clubs. Since she moved to a new school she is having very very difficult time. She has being tripped( had emergency visit to the dentist), attacked physically and verbally (called names...).She is very outspoken, and she does defend herself and she does push back..But every time she is punished cause of that in school.There are two particular little girls and i know, for a fact last year, before my DD will come to this school, they had lots of troubles in the same class ad they had to get extra help from local authority. So today there was another incident, where my DD was playing with her friends,she finished her water and went to get more from the tap. Those two girls were there and first they didn't let her and ones they did, they started to call her names. The thing is,she did retaliate by calling them the same so after that she went to report them and again she got in trouble and headmistress doesn't bealive her and wants to talk to us tom. I am going creazy how worried i am. I know she doesn't let kids bully her and for retaliating she gets in trouble. Its systematic thing that she had been called names and bullied..We did speak to school and headmistress ,specialy when at the start of this sch year she came with jumper written all over, boy got detention but that is not the point. I told her ,they need to work on discipline and manors. .Any suggestions, please,i know its late but my heart is sinking. My DP is going with her tom and i am so scared. Please,is there anyone out there with any good advice or in similar situation????Now i am feeling like i failed her. I don't know what to do. And its catholic school..... Just on the paper ,that is all. Only want money and honestly,i don't even know for what. Every ,almost, two weeks we have to pay for something. In church, we HAD to sign how much you will donate a week , and its expected minimum £5 . I was shocked about it. And if you don't do it, you will be outcast,cause my DD is attending that sch under that parish. I know for sure,even if we will be alocated the place for DD2 there is no way i will accept it. And its faith school?????????!!!!!!!I am utterly sad and this sadness is becoming anger which is realy not good.Thank you for reading

What do you mean by 'she's very outspoken'? Also, I am very sceptical regarding what you say about contributions, that just doesn't happen like that. And what do the after school activities have to do with any of this?

Mm lots there. could it be that she's coming across as a bit of a brat and getting children's backs up?

Just not sure what The thing is, she is very good in her studies, higher than average,she goes to a dance academy and does some few more clubs. has to do with anything.

O dear, i knew ones i read it back that the post did sound very snobby. Thank you for your replays. What i was trying to say, i never ever had any complaining EVER about her and all this activities she is attending for a few years.( including the old school). I should have been informed if there is a problem. I go to work and my DP to cover expense of all extra activities and i am very,very proud of her. She is very bright and she knows no one should be bullied but at the same time , when i say outspoken, she wont let you to push her and make her cry.Today , my dp did go to see headmistress and it came out that girls did started and like last time they did have a go at her, and it was not her fault. Like any mother i am worried, and i was just trying to explain that ,yes, she can answer back but that its not good at the time....She is not a brat, that's for sure. But to be fair, other two girls (they r local), not that i am judging but, no parent is going to work and they are perfectly ok to move up and down....what example is that. I am now more and more angry. That is the problem with people. Too much time on their hands and still not teaching kids nothing. Even if my DD is brat does it mean they can push her,pin her on the fence, tell her she is monkey,that she has ugly hair...?????And the thing is SHE REALY IS NOT. If she was i wouldn't be worried so much.
When i say donations and paying-as i stated earlier LISARO, we had to sign in the church how much money you will give a week (they expect min £5), that's what we were told. Should i be bad and not to do it,of course not but i am very upset about it, and everyone is complaining silently but no one wants to say anything. In school every second friday, we donate different things Example, today we had to bring some festive thing for school for grotto( toys,books,chocolates,biscuits...), next week the same but for tombola plus bottle of alcohol for the stall to be sold. Two weeks ago it was for cancer charity. Every child has to bring a book as a donation to schools new library...list can go on and on. Its not so much ,but when you put all things its a lot. FE CHURCH thing we already paying to school £50 a year (catholic sch), to governesses so i feel its too much ,but please tell me if i am wrong.Thank you.

what is theschool's bullying policy? it should be in the school brochure.

but at the end of the day if you not happy with the school, the donations etcetc - then move her to a different school.

I'm very confused.

hi mummy - is your daughter black? if so it sounds like really racist stuff is going on and you need to address it with the school as racist bullying.

Have you spoken to her class teacher?

mummy our RC school, and I think non faith schools are constantly raising money for both PTA and charity. I think it is just one of those things about school that they ask for money constantly.
Faith schools are required by law to raise some money, say £30 per year per family for Building Fund, that is only reason they are allowed to stay "independent" and select on Faith. So if you choose a Faith School you have to be prepared to accept that aspect.
As regards committing yourself to certain amount in Mass every week, we have been told much the same, because they want to get the money back in gift aid, so it is very important for them to register each parent's donation; they can then claim extra money from government. Depending on individual circs - anyway it is nothing to do with school, it is the parish you are giving money too and the church. I don't like being asked to sign up for regular payments and I boycott the envelope scheme, partly because I don't pay enough tax. I just put money in the offertory box instead.
If your child is being bullied, you should LOG all the incidents, report them immediately and have a proper discussion with the teacher/headteacher. They should take you seriously, as long as you stay calm, and don't mention the money! It is not relevant. The school abiding by Catholic values and respecting your child's right to not be harassed/bullied/intimidated IS relevant. They should take your concerns very seriously, as long as you listen to their version of events too, and ask how things can be improved for your daughter, rather than going in GUNS BLAZING. I've had incidents like this with my son, and I think we had to be careful to keep the school on our side. As long as I seemed to be reasonable, they listened to what I had to say with more respect.

Hi
Just managed to sit down . Thank you for all replays. Yes, my DD is mixed race and ??? what ,one of the girls is black and other one is mixed race. Teacher doesn't have a problem in the class ,it always happens in the playground. One thing i am very happy, i knew head likes her but she has to be fair and fair enough. My DP talked to her too about problem with two girls be4 my DD will come to school and she understands our situation but, as you already mentioned, they have to follow right steps. My DD realy is not brat, as i said ,she will protect her self but NEVER EVER she will go and do bad things ,which ,in a short time, even head knows and she did confirm.
After reading your post,swanriver (thank you), i can see that i am a bit BU in regards donations. I guess it is part of the faith school and have to put up with that.
I do have all logs and i will see what will happen now. Head said she will talk to both parties involved and that my DD deserves apology. They are kids and they will have arguments but it shouldn't cross the limit. I realy hope everything will settle from now. Kids need to learn social communication but it shouldn't become bulling. Everyone has right on opinion and by posting on here i knew some posts i wont like and its ok, but i was actually hurt that FOLKGIRL you would just assume that she is the bad one,but as i said everyone can say what they think.
I had a very hard day today and i am bit happier now. Thank you....