That feeling guilty is a normal part of being a mother

[doradaisy]

How do you keep it at bay?

I often feel as if I've a low level of guilt all the time, sometimes it's louder, sometimes I don't even 'hear' it.

I feel I do as much as I can with the kids, reading to them, making buns, walks in the park, but of course TV goes for an hour (or 2) in the evenings after dinnertime.

I work part time (4 mornings) they go to creche and montessori too.

When I put them to bed lately, in the last few weeks or so, I've a huge feeling of guilt - have I done enough that day? have i listened to DD, age 4, telling me about dinosaurs or given her a good response to her questions, or was I too busy pulling the twins, 16 months, out from the dishwasher to give her my full attention.
did i encourage them to eat enough dinner? should I not have dished out so many chocolate buttons for dessert, etc, etc, etc.

am also having a week where I'm sad that my DD is growing up (i know she's only 4!) but where have the last few years gone? i should have captured more moments on video.
I also feel I didn't give her enough time after the twins were born, was overwhelmed with it all and feel like I've lost the last year actually.

DH is having a busy few weeks at work and has been home late, so maybe I'm just a bit down/lonely or something.

sigh :(

is this a normal part of being a mother or is it just me?

The amount you beat yourself up for being a terrible parent is inversely proportionate to how terrible a parent you actually are.

I know this because I too spend lots of time feeling horribly guilty about everything. Believe me OP, it's normal.

Normal normal normal

Rediculously horribly NORMAL

Guilt = normal Mother

But then, if you say to your 4 year old "erm, do you remember when i didnt listen to you yesterday?" they will look at you like you are a loon...will not have a clue about what you are on about, you will remember BUT they wont!

Gosh, I don't think you should feel guilty for any of that... it's just normal life. Instead of focussing on what you can't give (more time, couldn't we all do with a bit more of that?) why no focus on what you are giving them, a loving home.

You have MMG. It is a recognisable condition also known as mega mother guilt. The fact your guilt is mega must mean you are a mega mother! When your darling children are older and look back they will not be cross at what little you didn't squeeze into the day but grateful for all the things you did.

P.S The only known cures for MMG? Chocolate, wine, kiddy cuddles and thinking about the best moment you had with your kids today. Mine was little girl managing to say night night mummy for the first time and beaming all over her proud little chops!

No I dont feel guilty I think that is a media perpetuated thing. Enjoy life and the time with your kids you only live once.

In my experience, guilt lodges itself in your brain at exactly the same instant that you become pregnant!. The fact that you feel such guilt probably means you are a great mum!!

Stop. It. Now.

When I'm feeling like this, when I give them some fruit pastels & lurk on MN or sneak out for a fag, when I don't listen fully (or at all) to DS's 'fantastic' plans for his latest 'revention' (which invariably involves attaching all his toys together in some kind of hideously convoluted way & makes me want to scream), or when I want to bash their heads together as I'm trying to cook supper & they're fighing like bare knuckle boxers OR JUST DRINK TOO MUCH WINE.

I think about all the times we play & make dens & go for walks & hunt for snails & newts & have parties & make lunch & sit at the table & chat & I make up songs & stories & bathe them & soothe them & read to them & teach them to read & do sums & we give each-other joy.

& they think I'm the best, & I think I'm ok, & that's good enough.

Tell yourself that a perfect mother would be hell to live with-they really would! DCs need benign neglect-set them up in life to be resourceful and imaginitive.

Spiders legs said everything I feel but much more eloquently than I could! Am tempted to write it down to read on a bad day!

I remember my parents telling me after a few glasses of wine about the guilt they felt about all of the "mistakes" they made when me and my brothers were growing up. I was completely confused as all I could remember was a happy, normal childhood. Now as a parent myself, I realise that guilt goes with the territory - I also got a recent update from my parents on this and they told me it never goes away .

Oh OP I feel like this all the time. Hate myself for being grumpy, tetchy, impatient, lectury, boring and no fun... Constant inner voice berating myself for not reading books with them today, too much tv, too much chocolate, meal not healthy enough, sent to bed with cheese in their hair, baby crawled around house ignored all evening, no fun games played with pre-schooler, etc etc etc. It's exhausting!

I think spiderslegs said it best - you have to think of the good moments, all the laughs and cuddles and marvel at their amazing daily feats of learning new words/drawing incredibly detailed pictures/finding new ways to throw themselves around the house like whirling dirvishes. And we're only frigging human.