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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to adore my MIL?

22 replies

WhitePeacock · 17/11/2011 18:51

The recent thread about being less close to/more irritated by one's mum as time passes really struck a chord with me - our relationship has gone down the bidet since arrival of DD, now nearly 1. On the 1000 candlepower bright side, though, my MiL - with whom
I have never had a particularly close relationship in the past, and whom I secretly thought would get on my last nerve when DD turned up, has BLOOMED into the Grandmother of Grandmothers, the One Nan to Rule Them All.

She rushes down to visit whenever the welcome mat is out, but never uninvited
She races to the rescue when we're ill, and has caught at least two virulent baby-bourne bugs to date as a consequence
She takes DD on epic, three-hour strolls (oh, the warm melty blissfulness of the door closing behind DD and DMiL when my bed is calling after a six-wake-up night!)
She is never offended if I ask her to do something my way. In fact, she asks in advance how I like things done, does research, and is now a passionate convert to some parenting methods which she initially viewed with suspicion
She will catch herself mid-telling-me-what-to-do and say the golden words "I don't know what I'm telling you for - you know better than me."
Most of all, though, she praises and supports me, telling me how well I'm doing with feeding, weaning, coping with a bad sleeper and bringing up a happy, smiling child. At a time when I sometimes feel lonely, angry and sad because my once-fond mum no longer has any interest in me, or in my DD, this makes up for so much.

Sorry if this seems like boasting to anyone who has a dire time with their MiL - I know there are a fair few on MN who don't have anything like my luck, and I wish more people shared it. But I thought I would anticipate the pre-Christmas PIL-bemoaning rush and buck the trend by declaring undying love and gratitude to mine!

Anyone else found themselves much closer to their MiL than their own mum, especially post DC?

OP posts:
TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums · 17/11/2011 18:52

Can I borrow her?! Please.

rubyslippers · 17/11/2011 18:53

How wonderful for you

I love both my MILS and my mum - I realise just how lucky I am to have them in my life and my childrens

ThePerfectFather · 17/11/2011 18:54

This is fantastic. Very, very happy for you. My relationship with my MIL has been pretty much unchanged except now we have something to talk about - my DD.

Ilovedaintynuts · 17/11/2011 18:55

Mine is utterly fanastic too!

LadyFlumpalot · 17/11/2011 18:56

I would much rather tell my MIL about my problems than my mum, MIL is much less judgemental and will actually listen and just be there to give me a hug. She will even side with me over her own son.

However, she can be very over-bearing and doesn't understand that 11:30pm on a weeknight is not an acceptable time to phone for an epic chat, or that, much as I love her, I do not want them showing up at 6pm on a Friday and staying til 3am Monday morning.

mamamoonmim · 17/11/2011 18:56

How wonderful for you.

You're onto a winner x

MistyMountainHop · 17/11/2011 18:56

thats lovely OP - i have a similar story except my fab MIL is actually my EX-mil!! i have 2 dc, dc1 is from a prev relationship and she is my dc1's dads mum (ie grandma to dc1)

she really is fab, and i count her as one of my dearest friends. she even classes dc2, my dc from my new marriage, as her own grandchild, buys for her at xmas, birthdays etc, babysits for them both, she is a total sweetheart

:)

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 17/11/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 17/11/2011 18:57

My MiL was just perfect too. How lovely for you!

FionaBruise · 17/11/2011 18:59

how lovely!
I hope you've let her know :-)

WhitePeacock · 17/11/2011 19:35

Tiaras I wish I could clone her! She is SO ace. I'd keep one of her in the cupboard for emergencies (not in a Bates Motel way) and you could have one too...

Ha LadyFlumpalot, now that puts me in mind of my Welsh auntie, who rings at vexatious hours and continues to ripple gently on in her lovely accent as carrots boil dry, baths overflow, packages are returned to depots and a long string of drool slowly makes its way from my chin to the floor. I love her but I CANNOT speak to her on the phone!

MistyMountain I'm glad for you too, how glorious that your relationship with MiL survived the break-up! That gives me a still-hormonal glow.

Fiona I have indeed. Lovely thing is it's always super easy to say thank you, as photos or video of DD go down a storm every time - the enormous grin that baby saves for her is quite outstanding. Also DD has done four solo steps to date, ONLY under her Nanny's tutelage, and will not walk for anyone else. I'm jealous delighted she gets the rewards for all her loving unselfish behaviour.

OP posts:
instantfamily · 17/11/2011 19:46

Oh, I love mine too. She leaves all her other commitments just to dote on our DC and be helpful. And she is italian, so she gets extra-points for not being like the stereotypical italian mamma to DH.

babybythesea · 17/11/2011 20:01

Me too. Except mine lives a bit far away to be helpful in the day-to-day things. I know she would if she didn't live a 24 hour flight away though (kind of puts a spanner in the works of the dashing to the resuce thing!).
However, because she lives so far away, we see her for month-long blocks at the time which could be a nightmare. And it's not, because she's gorgeously lovely and easy to be with. Just wish we could see more of her.

TidyDancer · 17/11/2011 20:03

I love my MIL too. :) She's a keeper!

smileitssunny · 17/11/2011 20:22

I love mine too, but my relationship with DM is also better I think. I have a bit more confidence and feel a bit more 'grown-up'. With DMiL she's just a lovely lady who I would have wanted as a friend, but who has welcomed me into her family with open heart. Always ready to listen. Love her!

redexpat · 17/11/2011 21:30

I love mine too! She takes my side when DH and I argue disagree.

AnyFucker · 17/11/2011 21:31

my MIL is brilliant

yanbu

exoticfruits · 17/11/2011 21:52

Love mine.

TheGashlycrumbTinies · 17/11/2011 21:57

Really, really wish mine was, for all of us, but it is not to be. Sad

tunnelmaniac · 17/11/2011 23:31

my MIL is brilliant too, so helpful but not interfering. She loves all of the children, even my older ones who are not her son's, as her grandchildren. My mother however....is lovely but difficult.
MIL lives 3 doors up.
Mother lives 6 miles away.
Glad it's not the other way around!

missingmumxox · 18/11/2011 01:08

I detest my MIL for the same reason as you love yours, because I come from a family that like to argue, it's in the genes, no offence just good banter, my Mum died and it frustrates me to death my MIL is so ...bloody nice! I remember about 4 years ago in a supermarket she refused my DC sweets (good gran) but then ruined it by saying I bet your Mum would have got them used to not asking for treets (she never met my Mum up knows she was a bit of an open toesy, hippy Midwife) I got really upset as my MUms exact reaction I know would of been, I am buying these sweets for the boys, and if I had objected, she would have laughed and told me to take the pole from my behind, and if I had pushed it she would have told me to take said pole and well you can quess, I am gran and I am allowed to ruin them would have been her moto, She never got the chance as she died 8 years before they where born, and that is why I get frustrated by my MIL! not her fault, she can't win, but I realise that and try and modify my behaviour doesn't always work, but I try. oh! and I have 2 boys...one day I will be her... another reason to realise the problem is all mine.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 18/11/2011 01:16

My Mum isn't here anymore either and I wish to God (or whoever) she was... But my MIL is great. We're not particularly close, but she is nothing but supportive, never treads on toes or undermines, is totally interested in my way of doing things - read up on BLW and then told her best friend, a retired nursery worker all about it. Always agrees with my way of doing things. She's also on the other side of the world. Grin

In fairness, my PILs are coming to stay for 2 months but I don't mind at all as they're no bother, good craic and we will have two months of free baby-sitting over summer - whoop!

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