Awful rows with DD over house purchase

[Sloobreeus]

I,am so tired and disheartened that I can no longer think of what is the right thing to do. Put in an offer for a house that DD 17 came to see. I really like the house and she said it was OK. Thought it was teenage inertia. She is now livid and saying that I should only buy something she likes too. Bearing in mind that it might be my home for 20 years and she will be off to university next year, am I being unreasonable to press ahead? Other stuff with me feeling I am treated like a slave and her losing her temper over me not being the perfect housekeeper. I am exhausted and just want some harmony but it is impossible. I keep trying to talk a bout anything but she is so angry. Is it best to keep talking? Is it best to let us both cool off? No friends around to talk to. The longer I am a mother the worse I seem to do at it. Any thoughts anyone?

Ah grovel, my DD (nearly 16) has put in a bid for a chat and a bottle of Crabbie's (1%). If it works, it works.

OP, So may of us are in the same boat. I do find some days and some decisions impossible, but on other days it is possible to talk and move on. Tell her how you feel - on the good days. She will understand and toothbrush is right and very smart about not grinding in the guilt.

I love that, Grovel.

Buy the house and tell her when she can afford a house she can get what she wants!

My DS (3.7) is complaining about our recent house move, and moans quite woefully that "I don't want to live in X; I want to live in London, pleasepleasepleaseplease, Mummy, please...."

Even though I actually agree with him (!) and feel sorry for him, there's no way a child should get his/her way against adults who have made a decision (even a compromise decision) based on factors that a child simply can't understand, and can't influence, either!

Update, now posting when I am not so wretchedly tired etc. Pressing on with house purchase - just told DD in the end that if she doesn't like it she can leave school, forget university, get a job and find herself somewhere to live or go and live with ex's parents (and earn money in her spare time to help them out - they are pensioners). Lost my confidence for a bit and grew so demoralised. However, now better and planning all I am going to do in the new place. I will not be painting her room or buying her any new stuff for her room. Thanks to all who posted.

Thanks for the update. I can't believe she won't come round when she realises it has knocked you so hard. Besides, once she sees accommodation on offer to university students (even the nicest lodgings have a major disadvantage - they are very expensive!), she will see the new house as an oasis!